What Should I Do Now?

By | October 19, 2013


Hi there, I hope you’ll be able to answer my question. There was a particular shidduch that was mentioned that my parents didn’t want. I usually agree with my parents but this time they’re uncomfortable with something that I am okay with (not hashkafic issue or anything like that). A very respectable person found out about this and mentioned something to me…basically that my parents did the wrong thing. What do you suggest I do? I agree with this person but I can’t make my parents comfortable with something when they are not. I also do not want to pressure my parents or cause any strife. Please guide me. Thank you very much


I am really impressed with your sensitivity and kibud horim. There is a lucky bachur out there, waiting for you!

My immediate reaction here is SPEAK TO A RAV. It’s very possible that the boy’s side spoke to this respectable person and requested that he talk to you, in which case he has the boy’s benefit in mind. You need a rav that knows you, and knows your parents. If the rav feels that there is what to discuss, he’ll speak with your parents. It’s important to have their backing and blessings, both for the shidduch stage, as well as for a good marriage. And if the rav decides that your parents are right in refusing this shidduch, then “ein simcha k’hataros sefeikot” and you are one step closer to finding your beshert.

Hoping to hear good news,


Category: Ask the Shadchan

About Debbie

Debbie Shapiro is a wife, mother, grandmother (in that order), and a resident of Jerusalem for over 40 years. In addition to her work as a writer and PR director, she enjoys playing with her grandchildren, being there for her children, and writing for columns like this one! She's made quite a few shidduchim and is known for her common sense. She welcomes questions, comments, feedback and interaction. Check out Debbie’s latest book here

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