Getting Comfortable

By | May 19, 2014

Question:

I’m currently dating a guy now, we just went on our 7th date. Logically, everything matches up perfectly.  I was not attracted to him on dates 1-4, I was on 5-6, and I wasn’t on 7. Personally, I am a more closed person and am wondering if the fact that I have not fully opened up to him yet is stopping me from becoming more attracted to him? Or is that already considered trying to force attraction?Also, in general, I take a while to grow comfortable with people, and have only now become perfectly comfortable with him.

As a side note, we are completely open with each other. He knows where I am at, he’s told me where he is at (he thinks I’m the one for him), and he is willing to give me pressure-free time that I need.
What do you suggest I do?

Answer:

I think you landed a good one. I don’t know any details about you or this boy so I can’t answer if this is a good shidduch on that level. But in terms of what you’re telling me here, it sounds like you have every reason to continue.

You answer your own question- you are someone that takes time to become comfortable with others, and you are also only now beginning to really open up. The fact that you were attracted to him on two dates means that he is someone you are capable of being attracted to. Dating goes through peaks and valleys- what we’re ultimately looking for is an overall steady rise in attraction and respect. This does not qualify as forcing attraction yet.

You’re only on your 7th date- give it a little more time and see if the relationship keeps growing, especially because he has given you the gift of pressure free time to decide.  Don’t shlep endlessly- you’ll have a much better feel after another 2 or 3 dates- but I think you definitely have enough there to keep pursuing this.

 

Hatzlacha and keep me posted!

Sara

Category: Advice and Chizuk

About sara

Sara Eisemann, LMSW, ACSW, is a therapist who lives in Oak Park, Michigan, with her husband and five children. She is on temporary leave from the field (about 10 years now) as she raises her family, but has maintained her love for working with people. Sara lectures on topics related to relationships, personal development and growth. She has a passion for humor, writing, and kiruv but mostly for promoting self-awareness and authenticity in our relationship with Hashem and with each other. She welcomes questions, comments, feedbacks and interaction.

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