Forums

Suggest a New Forum Category

Welcome Guest 

Show/Hide Header

Welcome Guest, posting in this forum requires registration.

Pages: [1]
Author Topic: Working Together with Men
basyisroel

Dater

Posts: 39
Send Message
Post Working Together with Men
on: February 18, 2013, 11:57 PM

Does anyone have any tips/advice in how to keep your distance from men that you work with? Advice that you have from personal experience would be the most helpful! Thanks!

thinkingBY-
girl

Dating Coach

Posts: 607
Send Message
Post Re: Working Together with Men
on: February 19, 2013, 12:02 AM

Are we talking frum men or secular? There's a big difference!

(With secular coworkers) One major important thing- be consistent. If you say something like, "I'm sorry, I don't shake hands with men, but it's really nice to meet you," then don't ever shake hands with men. People respect you when you are consistent.

Also, another thing, more for yourself than anything, if you go by a nickname in real life, use your legal name at work. It puts up a boundary.

iThink

Dating Pro

Posts: 311
Send Message
Post Re: Working Together with Men
on: February 19, 2013, 12:06 AM

Quote from basyisroel on February 18, 2013, 11:57 PM
Does anyone have any tips/advice in how to keep your distance from men that you work with? Advice that you have from personal experience would be the most helpful! Thanks!

Jewish men? And if yes, frum ones?

cool nerd

Dater

Posts: 44
Send Message
Post Re: Working Together with Men
on: February 19, 2013, 12:06 AM

Be nice, be courteous, and friendly but not overly so. It also depends if the men you work with are Jewish or not. If they're Jewish, they'd probably understand why you keep your distance. If they're not Jewish you have to be careful not to offend anyone or step on any toes.

basyisroel

Dater

Posts: 39
Send Message
Post Re: Working Together with Men
on: February 19, 2013, 12:09 AM

I work with frum men and we call each other by our first names. I really don't like it but I've been working there for a while and feel weird asking them if they can call me "Miss ___" and if I can call them "Mr. ____"

iThink

Dating Pro

Posts: 311
Send Message
Post Re: Working Together with Men
on: February 19, 2013, 12:31 AM

basyisroel: Have some things to say on the issue, will check in tomorrow when I have more time to write up my thoughts.

iThink

Dating Pro

Posts: 311
Send Message
Post Re: Working Together with Men
on: February 19, 2013, 11:05 AM

Basyisroel- You asked for tips/ advice for how to keep your distance from men that you work with. Obviously, the first thing that comes to mind is avoiding first name basis relationships, but I understand if you're not ready to go there at this point. It can be really weird especially if you've been there for a while already and everyone is on first name basis. (That said, should you ever feel like making a change, it wouldn't mean that you'd have to release an official memo! Simply start addressing the men by "Mr" when you speak to them. Some might reciprocate in kind.)

Keeping distance is all about keeping it professional. This means that communication must always be strictly work related. Depending on the job and the general work environment, this can be much easier said than done. It's hard to give examples because it all depends on how much personality you feel is appropriate to exhibit. But think about this: There are some aspects of your personality that are simply not for them to enjoy. It's nice to think that you can have a special level of exclusivity in your marriage one day by virtue of the choices you make today concerning the familiarity witj you and your male coworkers.

When communicating via email or text: If you wouldn't say it to his face, don't write it.

I love getting to know people. I love to socialize. I love to connect and share thoughts and ideas. But the day a male coworker takes pleasure in my nature or company, I have a problem. And it's all on me
I know it can be challenging to keep things formal and impersonal especially if your job requires frequent interaction between the genders. It can be even harder if nobody else in the office seems to care about these things. Someone once said, "If you care about somethinh you have to protect it- If you're lucky enough to find a way of life you love, you have to find the courage to live it." And remember "Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow. (Mary Anne Radmacher)"

Wishing you much lots of hatzlacha!

sara hi

Dater

Posts: 18
Send Message
Post Re: Working Together with Men
on: February 19, 2013, 5:01 PM

Why is it that in all the offices I've worked in e1 is SO comfortable with first name use (men to women & v.v) and i always feel like such a frummer, i'm always saying, 'erm' or 'sorry' to get his attention (my boss) it's nice to know i'm not the only one that wants to do the right thing! 😛

basyisroel

Dater

Posts: 39
Send Message
Post Re: Working Together with Men
on: February 19, 2013, 11:53 PM

iThink: Thank you so much for your encouragement and advice! I really do try to only talk business-related things to the men at work but I don't know what to do when the man is the one who starts a conversation; I can't exactly ignore him and I don't want to be rude.
And about the first name thing, has anyone here experienced that where they started out calling their male coworkers by their first name and then decided to switch? I think calling them by their first name brings down a lot of barriers that should be there, so I really think it's important for me not to call them by their first names. I'd just like advice in how to tell this to them. I don't feel comfortable enough to just start calling them Mr. out of the blue w/o saying something to them first.

Sara Hi: You're not alone in feeling this way, and good for you for trying to avoid their names! I envy you!

Bracha613

Dating Maven

Posts: 175
Send Message
Post Re: Working Together with Men
on: February 19, 2013, 11:55 PM

OMG I think this is such an important discussion. I actually quit a job bec. I felt like I was growing to close to someone.

basyisroel

Dater

Posts: 39
Send Message
Post Re: Working Together with Men
on: February 20, 2013, 12:06 AM

Bracha613: Wow! How'd you get the courage to quit? And how did you explain it to your boss and to other people?

Bracha613

Dating Maven

Posts: 175
Send Message
Post Re: Working Together with Men
on: February 20, 2013, 12:10 AM

I asked a Rav who guided me. B"H I found another job soon after. To be honest though even without the Rav I would have quit it just didn't feel right with me.

InShidduch-
imFollower

Dating Maven

Posts: 50
Send Message
Post Re: Working Together with Men
on: February 20, 2013, 8:58 AM

wow, bracha613, i dont know who you are, but you must be a very special person!

Bracha613

Dating Maven

Posts: 175
Send Message
Post Re: Working Together with Men
on: February 20, 2013, 9:00 AM

Yeah it was hard. But some times you just have to follow your intuition.

Pages: [1]
Mingle Forum by cartpauj
Version: 1.0.33.3; Page loaded in: 0.092 seconds.