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Author Topic: The way to a bachurs heart
pray today

Dating Maven

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Post The way to a bachurs heart
on: May 4, 2013, 9:57 PM

The way to a bachur's heart is.......

Sari

Dating Maven

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Post Re: The way to a bachurs heart
on: May 4, 2013, 9:58 PM

through his mother.. lol

patcha

Dating Coach

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Post Re: The way to a bachurs heart
on: May 4, 2013, 10:07 PM

through meat, probably. Or food in general. That's the cliche anyway.

feigy123

Dating Coach

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Post Re: The way to a bachurs heart
on: May 4, 2013, 10:27 PM

do you ever like bake cookies for someone you're dating? like when in the relationship

patcha

Dating Coach

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Post Re: The way to a bachurs heart
on: May 4, 2013, 10:33 PM

it sounds like a cute idea, but i've never gotten far enough to think of it or try it. i'd want to find out what he likes, although i guess chocolate chip is pretty safe.

feigy123

Dating Coach

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Post Re: The way to a bachurs heart
on: May 4, 2013, 10:44 PM

I'll start a topic abot it

chaykie

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Post Re: The way to a bachurs heart
on: May 4, 2013, 11:23 PM

cholent and beer...

Avigail

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Post Re: The way to a bachurs heart
on: May 6, 2013, 9:15 PM

looks........ unfortunately

shaynapuni-
m

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Post Re: The way to a bachurs heart
on: July 7, 2013, 3:46 PM

Quote from Avigail on May 6, 2013, 9:15 PM
looks........ unfortunately

oy so sad but true... 🙁

patcha

Dating Coach

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Post Re: The way to a bachurs heart
on: July 7, 2013, 3:56 PM

Quote from shaynapunim on July 7, 2013, 3:46 PM

Quote from Avigail on May 6, 2013, 9:15 PM
looks........ unfortunately

oy so sad but true... 🙁

Why is this sad? The most deep seated need of every woman is feel loved and the largest part of that is feeling attractive. That's why we spend so much time thinking about our looks.

Men have a corresponding need to be respected. Not being a man, I don't know what they spend their time thinking about, but my guess would be some sort of equivalent.

That's how Hashem made us. It's not sad, it's awesome.

shaynapuni-
m

Dating Maven

Posts: 131
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Post Re: The way to a bachurs heart
on: July 7, 2013, 4:06 PM

Quote from patcha on July 7, 2013, 3:56 PM

Quote from shaynapunim on July 7, 2013, 3:46 PM

Quote from Avigail on May 6, 2013, 9:15 PM
looks........ unfortunately

oy so sad but true... 🙁

Why is this sad? The most deep seated need of every woman is feel loved and the largest part of that is feeling attractive. That's why we spend so much time thinking about our looks.

Men have a corresponding need to be respected. Not being a man, I don't know what they spend their time thinking about, but my guess would be some sort of equivalent.

That's how Hashem made us. It's not sad, it's awesome.

it is sad, because ahava teluya b'davar (a love dependent on something) will not last..... so if a guy only likes you because he thinks your pretty then what happens if that attraction fades?? love based on looks is superficial and therefore sad....

feigy123

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Post Re: The way to a bachurs heart
on: July 7, 2013, 4:13 PM

patcha is the wisest of them all.

But I bet she's just saying that bec she's pretty or something.

patcha

Dating Coach

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Post Re: The way to a bachurs heart
on: July 7, 2013, 4:33 PM

Quote from shaynapunim on July 7, 2013, 4:06 PM
it is sad, because ahava teluya b'davar (a love dependent on something) will not last..... so if a guy only likes you because he thinks your pretty then what happens if that attraction fades?? love based on looks is superficial and therefore sad....

Looks are not superficial. Think about your friends. Most people like pretty people, but your friends, you see beauty that goes beyond looks. People I like, I see them as beautiful, and the more I like their personality and who they are, the more beautiful they are to me. IYH you will marry someone who sees that beauty in you.

I think that is what ahava she'eina taluya b'davar is, you love them for themselves. This does take time to develop. A man is not allowed to marry a girl who he can't stand the looks of, because you need to have some ahava in order for that to work. So even in halacha, it is important that there be some level of initial attraction. You can call that taluya badavar, or you could say that his neshama recognizes a realistic partner in her.

shaynapuni-
m

Dating Maven

Posts: 131
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Post Re: The way to a bachurs heart
on: July 7, 2013, 5:09 PM

Quote from patcha on July 7, 2013, 4:33 PM

Quote from shaynapunim on July 7, 2013, 4:06 PM
it is sad, because ahava teluya b'davar (a love dependent on something) will not last..... so if a guy only likes you because he thinks your pretty then what happens if that attraction fades?? love based on looks is superficial and therefore sad....

Looks are not superficial. Think about your friends. Most people like pretty people, but your friends, you see beauty that goes beyond looks. People I like, I see them as beautiful, and the more I like their personality and who they are, the more beautiful they are to me. IYH you will marry someone who sees that beauty in you.

I think that is what ahava she'eina taluya b'davar is, you love them for themselves. This does take time to develop. A man is not allowed to marry a girl who he can't stand the looks of, because you need to have some ahava in order for that to work. So even in halacha, it is important that there be some level of initial attraction. You can call that taluya badavar, or you could say that his neshama recognizes a realistic partner in her.

ok now you're getting philosophical..... of course I agree with you that looks are a necessary component but if that is all the love is predicated on (ie he can't stand her personality but is infatuated with her looks) then it is sad and to that I think even you would agree... if not then we must agree to disagree

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