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Author Topic: strange hobbies
batsheva60-
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Post strange hobbies
on: February 17, 2014, 1:57 PM

So I am dating this guy (we just had our fifth date) and he's a really sweet and nice guy in a good yeshiva with great middos but there's this one thing that seemed kinda strange to me. We were talking about hobbies and recreational things we like to do in our spare time and he said he likes to go shooting and he's been in to that for a while and he even owns guns which he uses for recreational target shooting in public ranges. Have any of you heard of a yeshiva bachur into such things before and do you think its something to worry about?

TryToDoWha-
tsRight

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Post Re: strange hobbies
on: February 17, 2014, 2:40 PM

Before you make any assumptions over whether it is something to worry about or not (and I am inclined to think not), you should first ask him. Ask him how he got into it, why he likes it, and what difference, if any it has made on his life. You went out 5 times with him which means it's getting serious. I believe this is the way to go - communicate with him and be open to what he has to say. Hatzlacha!

waiting-
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Post Re: strange hobbies
on: February 17, 2014, 2:55 PM

i've heard of guys being into shooting but never heard of any of them owning a gun... My brothers used to go shooting as a chol hamoed trip! does that mean that it's right? dunno! but i wouldn't be concerned about the shooting hobby... maybe check into the gun thing with a rav or mentor or somethin...

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tsRight

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Post Re: strange hobbies
on: February 17, 2014, 3:16 PM

It's not that unusual to own a gun.
I know a few married and single people who do. The single people were on the more modern side (working etc.), but the married man had gone to kollel and is finishing up law school. I know other middle-aged married men who own guns too.
It really depends on the person but it's not as uncommon as you might think.
I would recommend just asking him why he got one, and the other background questions on the subject mentioned above. Good luck!

chaykie

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Post Re: strange hobbies
on: February 17, 2014, 5:26 PM

My brother and father like to go shooting too, not to often but they do...i don't necessarily approve of it...is that the kind of recreation they need? why not like horseback riding, golfing, baseball- there's plenty for guys to do! i just feel like its so not in the spirit of yiddishkeit. I know they're not killing anyone, but seriously, why shooting as opposed to so so many other things they can do? it just seems so rough, cruel almost. why do they even have an inner desire to shoot?

batsheva60-
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Post Re: strange hobbies
on: February 17, 2014, 5:34 PM

Thanx for all the responses I guess hearing from other people that its not so unusual makes me feel a little better about it. Theres just somthing about it that doesn't sit right with me. I guess this gives me something to talk about on our next date though 😉

thinkingBY-
girl

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Post Re: strange hobbies
on: February 17, 2014, 5:47 PM

There are many factors surrounding regularly going shooting/owning a gun. It might be the norm where he lives/grew up. Like a few other people mentioned, it's really not that uncommon, but it does say something about his personality. (Possibly a positive thing.) Target shooting is not rough and cruel. People learn to shoot for self-defense, etc. It's a male thing; you don't have to understand it. If this is your only concern then I'd suggest that you speak to a rav/mentor. Sounds too like a good idea to speak to the guy himself about it. Good luck!

moori

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Post Re: strange hobbies
on: February 17, 2014, 6:24 PM

perhaps for your next date, you should go to the shooting range together. this way you can see what he likes about it, his attitude towards it, etc. that way you're also validating it as a hobby, so he might be more into talking about it.

chaykie

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Post Re: strange hobbies
on: February 17, 2014, 7:09 PM

moori, i hear the idea behind what ur saying, but...shooting range on a date??

waiting-
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Post Re: strange hobbies
on: February 17, 2014, 7:49 PM

yeah i don't like the shooting on a date idea!!! i don't think she needs to be THAT supportive lol

moori

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Post Re: strange hobbies
on: February 17, 2014, 8:05 PM

i've never done it but several friends have. it's almost as common as bowling. i would have never suggested it if i've never heard anyone go on a shooting date. (okay when i spell it out, it looks a bit wrong, but i think it's within the realm of normal.)

thinkingBY-
girl

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Post Re: strange hobbies
on: February 18, 2014, 12:00 AM

There's an opinion that shooting is klei gever, so women aren't supposed to handle a gun. Also, if you've never been shooting, I don't suggest going shooting on a date, as the kickback from a gun could really hurt.

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tsRight

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Post Re: strange hobbies
on: February 18, 2014, 12:05 AM

I have been shooting (at a range) and I don't think it would tell you any more about his attitude towards it than by doing it with him. Just my personal two cents. I think talking about it is enough.

Britni W

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Post Re: strange hobbies
on: February 18, 2014, 4:26 PM

I don't feel comfortable commenting on the prevalence of such a hobby, but I would ask how he stores his gun. I would never be able to live in a house with a gun that was not in a gun safe. It is important for you to consider if you would be comfortable living in a house with a gun.
I have had this conversation many time with my secular and goyish friends - if you do not feel comfortable living with a gun, or if you would only be comfortable if it was kept in a certain way that needs to be discussed.

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tsRight

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Post Re: strange hobbies
on: February 18, 2014, 8:37 PM

Very good point Britni...

ER

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Post Re: strange hobbies
on: February 25, 2014, 8:34 PM

OK, I couldn't resist posting. The book SpeedDating by Yaacov and Sue Deyo (great book!) talks about this scenario. A girl who's a student of the authors calls them up one day in a panic, that the guy she is dating keeps a gun in his apartment. She considers it a dealbreaker and wanted to call it off, but the authors convinced her to ask him about it. The guy said the reason he keeps a gun is because his family had always kept one and it seemed normal to him. And he was open to not keeping a gun in his house since it bothered her.

It was in a chapter called "Is this an action, or my interpretation of an action?"

Of course all situations are different, and it depends what the guy says. And how you feel about it. But interesting to see it discussed in a book.

malkyg

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Post Re: strange hobbies
on: April 1, 2014, 1:41 AM

I never in my life heard of a yeshiva bachur into guns before. I disagree with gun ownership and feel the 2nd Amendment should be scrapped. It's not a middah tovah, and I'd be wary about it.

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