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Author Topic: Smoking?
miss right

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Post Smoking?
on: April 6, 2013, 10:23 PM

I always wonder this. Can you ask the guy if he smokes and how? If it he mentioned something about smoking a little while back, can you ask if he does now? Or is this too touchy?

life123

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Post Re: Smoking?
on: April 6, 2013, 11:00 PM

From what I heard, every bochur pretty much smokes once or twice, so if you ask if they ever smoked, they can't honestly answer yes, and if you ask if they smoke (as in, now) they can say no if they've on and off. That's something you have to research.

iThink

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Post Re: Smoking?
on: April 7, 2013, 12:41 AM

If it's a deal breaker and u would be extremely upset if you find out that he's an occasional smoker after you're married, don't rely on research. Tell him how you feel about it and then ask him.

In answer to your question: I'm not sure why it should be a problem to bring it up. If it's important to you, then please ask. It's a perfectly normal question.

iThink

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Post Re: Smoking?
on: April 7, 2013, 12:51 AM

Quote from chaysim on April 6, 2013, 11:00 PM
From what I heard, every bochur pretty much smokes once or twice, so if you ask if they ever smoked, they can't honestly answer yes, and if you ask if they smoke (as in, now) they can say no if they've on and off. That's something you have to research.

I would expect an honest guy to say "once or twice" if he smoked just once or twice and "on and off" if that was the case. I believe the chances of getting an honest answer from the boy (if you ask him directly) are much greater than when doing research.

feigy123

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Post Re: Smoking?
on: April 7, 2013, 8:28 AM

Agree with ithink.

I work with the assumption that the boy is being honest with me; not that he's trying to use tricks to be technically honest while still fooling me.

The corollary of this is, that I am honest with him....

partytime

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Post Re: Smoking?
on: April 8, 2013, 11:16 AM

I usually ask guys on the first or second date if they smoke! Bec its totally not a pressuring question since you just met each other! Also its great to see their reaction- they get a little caught off guard- 😉

Princess-
Lea

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Post Re: Smoking?
on: April 8, 2013, 1:17 PM

Sense of smell helps. If they smoke, they usually have a "whiff" about them (and their car). If he brings up smoking once, then he opened the door; you can ask if he still does now.

thinkingBY-
girl

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Post Re: Smoking?
on: April 8, 2013, 4:54 PM

You can't always tell a smoker by smell. Freshly cleaned clothes, a shower, and toothpaste disguise them quite easily. Plus, if he doesn't have his own car, the car doesn't give him away. Also, keep in mind that a guy can smell like smoke even if he doesn't smoke, as he could very well hang around guys who do smoke.

gold

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Post Re: Smoking?
on: April 10, 2013, 8:38 PM

Sorry chaysim, i dont agree with that statement. I dont think I ever went out with a guy that smoked even once nor have my brothers ever picked up a cig (and I have 6 of them b'ah). i totally ask straight out on dates and they've all said no. Yes, there are a lot of guys out there who have ocassionaly smoked, but even when talking abt it with guys, they always say yes, a lot of guys smoke whether it was one puff and thats all or a pack a day, but there are a lot of guys that have their head on straight and dont smoke at all. And i never understood this chosson cigaretes thing!

life123

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Post Re: Smoking?
on: April 10, 2013, 9:02 PM

100% I agree about not dating smokers! Some yeshivos always have smoking, though. I think it's a terrible thing, but it is a reality of life.

chaykie

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Post Re: Smoking?
on: April 10, 2013, 9:27 PM

wow do i relate... i lucked out when the last guy i went out with told me that he smokes when he's very upset or depressed. first of all, smoking is a big no no for me. secondly, i don't think that's first date conversation, but like i said, i guess i was lucky he brought it up right away as if its the most normal thing. as you can probably guess, we did not go out again.
gold, i also don't understand this chosson cigarette thing! does becoming a chosson make it ok for you and all ur friends to go smoke?? why can't they just go out for ice cream or playing basketball? why bdavka a cigarette?

i was actually really upset with something that happened when i was in 12th grade. our menaheles, after pesach, taught us toras habayis/shidduchim classes. at the beginning of one of those classes she asked us to state our ideas of what qualities should be looked for in a boy. when she called on me i told her that the boy should not smoke, and she loved my idea, but many of the girls in my class were like "why? all my brother's smoke and so does my father. hello its totally ok, nothing happened to them. ur being so silly..." basically- i feel really bad for them. why would you want your husband to be killing 1)you 2) himself 3) ur kids 4) anyone who steps into ur house... what on earth happened to these boys (and girls who think its ok)???

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