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Author Topic: Sheltered
pray today

Dating Maven

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Post Sheltered
on: May 27, 2013, 12:11 AM

Do you think in general girls are more sheltered then boys?

iThink

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Post Re: Sheltered
on: May 27, 2013, 1:07 AM

No. Seems to me it has to do with family and background, not gender.

Btw I'm assuming you're asking about being sheltered from secular ideas and influences.

feigy123

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Post Re: Sheltered
on: May 27, 2013, 2:40 AM

Yes. I think so.

But partially it is because the boys are older, so they have had more time to be exposed, and have been independent for longer, and are more independent.

Cherry

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Post Re: Sheltered
on: May 27, 2013, 3:09 AM

Quote from feigy123 on May 27, 2013, 2:40 AM
Yes. I think so.

But partially it is because the boys are older, so they have had more time to be exposed, and have been independent for longer, and are more independent.

more back ground and family rather than gender.. there are girls that are very independent from very early on in life and there are always guys that are very protected and sheltered no matter wht age and stage they are at... It all depends how u were raised..

patcha

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Post Re: Sheltered
on: May 27, 2013, 8:20 AM

I also think that boys are just generally less cautious than girls. It takes girls longer to go otd then boys for that reason, but it also means that girls are all looking for the same "safe" options in marriage, while boys are looking for a more diverse group.

dancer90

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Post Re: Sheltered
on: May 27, 2013, 8:50 AM

Boys are prob more open minded they do have different ways of thinking than girls. also they learn torah in depth and there are a lot of concepts they cover that girls would never learn about in high school .but is also depends on what schools they went to and type of friends and of course family type

TryToDoWha-
tsRight

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Post Re: Sheltered
on: May 27, 2013, 5:53 PM

Quote from dancer90 on May 27, 2013, 8:50 AM
Boys are prob more open minded they do have different ways of thinking than girls. also they learn torah in depth and there are a lot of concepts they cover that girls would never learn about in high school .but is also depends on what schools they went to and type of friends and of course family type

Agree with dancer90.
When you have a 25 year old boy who had been learning gemara for 15 years, he's gonna know about everything. Just from a torah perspective. You'd be surprised what's in gemara...
Girls are generally a lot more tzinua - as in they are afraid to think and explore ideas "outside the box." That's, imo, the typical BY girl.
A lot of boys want to marry a girl who is worldly and open-minded, but some boys don't.

iThink

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Post Re: Sheltered
on: May 27, 2013, 6:33 PM

If we're talking about sheltered from the realities of the world that are not discussed throughout HS and sem, then yeah, the guy will know it all. But if were talking about sheltered from secular influences then I still maintain it has nothing to do with gender.

TryToDoWha-
tsRight

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Post Re: Sheltered
on: May 27, 2013, 6:49 PM

That's probably true. But like someone said earlier, it also depends on the personality of the person, whether they're more inquisitive, rebellious or open-minded.
New question:
Do you think it's a positive thing to be really sheltered?

iThink

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Post Re: Sheltered
on: May 27, 2013, 7:02 PM

Quote from TryToDoWhatsRight on May 27, 2013, 6:49 PM[/b
[b]New question:

Do you think it's a positive thing to be really sheltered?

For some people, yes. It keeps thing simple and not everyone can handle complicated.

iThink

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Post Re: Sheltered
on: May 27, 2013, 7:05 PM

I should add that sometimes being overly sheltered can be extremely spiritually or physically harmful.

TryToDoWha-
tsRight

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Post Re: Sheltered
on: May 27, 2013, 7:21 PM

I strongly agree.
You know how non-jewish/frum parents have "The Talk" with their kids when they're entering their teens? Well, a lot of frum parents don't educate their children about the details and the harms of this - if they should Chas Vishalom be attacked - they won't know what to do, or might not even know what happened or to tell anyone!! I personally know someone this happened to - a very frum cousin of mine in Israel. She worked for someone - a "frum," married guy and he tried to get her to do stuff with him and kissed her. She was almost going to go somewhere with him cuz he promised her something she wanted really badly to do (drive...she wanted to get her license and her parents were against it....) if she would "touch" him - that's what he said. And she said no. And you know what her reason for saying no was?? She told me "because I knew it was an aveira." Not 'It's dangerous, he could've raped me...etc...' Because she didn't know!!
How scary is that?!?!
I think all parents should educate their kids on this, the details and what to do and who to tell if it c"v happens! The damage that could occur is far far worse than their kids knowing things they would rather wait for the kallah (or chassun) teacher to tell them.

iThink

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Post Re: Sheltered
on: May 27, 2013, 7:43 PM

Ttdwr this is a perfect example of where children can pay with their souls and their safety because of irresponsible choices made by their parents.

chaykie

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Post Re: Sheltered
on: May 27, 2013, 7:47 PM

Agree with ttdwr, that is really scary. I feel that kids/teens should be told what is necessary in order to protect themselves in this world. There is actually a kids safety book, written by a frum woman i think, that talks about not letting someone you don't know touch, and even someone you do know... i forgot what this book is called but i think it was a very great idea on the part of the person who wrote it. it's kid friendly, and it's a conversation starter so you can discuss things easily with kids.

TryToDoWha-
tsRight

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Post Re: Sheltered
on: May 27, 2013, 7:50 PM

Yeah. That would actually be a positively constructive thing to have advertised (the book). If you can find out, can you please tell us? You got me curious. Thanks. 🙂

TryToDoWha-
tsRight

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Post Re: Sheltered
on: May 27, 2013, 7:52 PM

Oh, and ithink, she wasn't a child (which makes it even worse that she was oblivious.) She was like 20 years old. I forget how old exactly; it was a few years ago. She's my second cousin.

TryToDoWha-
tsRight

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Post Re: Sheltered
on: May 27, 2013, 7:54 PM

My mother just told me she is almost 22 now. So this was in 2011.

iThink

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Post Re: Sheltered
on: May 27, 2013, 7:55 PM

I believe this is the one

http://www.artscroll.com/Products/SAFEH.html

TryToDoWha-
tsRight

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Post Re: Sheltered
on: May 27, 2013, 7:59 PM

It looks really good. Just read the page excerpts. Thanks! I would definitely buy it for my kids. I"H.

chaykie

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Post Re: Sheltered
on: May 27, 2013, 8:59 PM

yup, ithink! that's the one.

basmelech

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Post Re: Sheltered
on: May 27, 2013, 8:59 PM

Yes i think parents should definitely be the ones to discuss things like this with their children from the Torah's viewpoint. If not then they will probably find out from other sources, which may be from a non jewish viewpoint, which is much much worse! (and this is not even talking about the above mentioned scenario! ) 😐

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