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Author Topic: Saying No
miss right

Dater

Posts: 6
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Post Saying No
on: April 4, 2013, 5:23 PM

When saying no, I don't like when the reason is because - It wasn't going anywhere. I feel so much better and more confident when I have a specific reason, like something bothered me. Any suggestions to make it easier? Thanks!

iThink

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Post Re: Saying No
on: April 4, 2013, 6:19 PM

Hi, miss right. I find it interesting that you want a "specific reason, like something bothering me" even once you make up your mind that this isn't going anywhere. I would imagine that if you have come to that conclusion, it's reason enough. Is it possible that you're wondering not so much whether you should be saying no, but whether you should be saying no so soon? Also, is it possible that you feel pressure not to give a no unless it's really awfully off target?

feigy123

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Post Re: Saying No
on: April 4, 2013, 6:35 PM

Hmm. And I found it funny that she was willing to break up without a specific reason, like something bothering her.

thinkingBY-
girl

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Posts: 607
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Post Re: Saying No
on: April 4, 2013, 7:53 PM

Help us out here. Why are you saying no if there isn't a specific reason? And what do you mean by "It wasn't going anywhere."? Is someone telling you to say no because "it's not going anywhere"? Where do you want it to go? Think about what you mean by this, and hopefully that will be your reason. If not, then maybe you should rethink your no?

miss right

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Post Re: Saying No
on: April 4, 2013, 10:05 PM

Seems like my questions making people a bit nervous:) I guess it wasn't understood correctly. Basically, it could happen that you go out with someone and there's nothing wrong with the guy, you see a lot of good things about him which makes you willing to go out again, but sometimes it just doesn't get anywhere. You have to give time to like the person but if there's nothing there then you just have to say no after giving it a chance. It's just harder when that's the reason cuz it's much easier to say no because a,b and c. But sometimes there's no abc there to say no about and it's just because your not into it. There's a lot of good people out there that dont have things that you can specify that you dont like about them but your not marrying everyone, you have to like him more than being just pareve. clearer?

thinkingBY-
girl

Dating Coach

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Post Re: Saying No
on: April 4, 2013, 10:28 PM

You can't really talk about this hypothetically, because when it comes down to it there will be a reason why you're saying no. It might just be that you don't like him (ie. don't enjoy spending time with him, can't imagine spending the rest of your life with him, think his quirks and sense of humor are annoying, etc) even if it looks great on paper. There doesn't have to be a red flag for you to say no.

iThink

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Post Re: Saying No
on: April 4, 2013, 11:37 PM

Something tells me that if you were a little clearer about what you were looking for in a guy, you would be able to pinpoint why exactly the relationship isn't going anywhere. For example, if you're looking for a guy who inspires you with spiritually stimulating conversation, you would be able to say that although a guy is really nice, with great qualities, blah, blah, blah- he doesn't have this particular quality, and therefore the relationship isn't going anywhere (read: where you would hope it would go, if this was The Guy).

Of course there are lots of great people who some of us might find boring, without personality, lacking the ability to emotionally connect, or simply uninteresting. But generally, it'll help if you can articulate what exactly would get you more interested and excited about a guy.

Princess-
Lea

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Post Re: Saying No
on: April 5, 2013, 12:45 PM

Sometimes the reason cannot be said, but that doesn't make it any less valid. Like "He makes me want to throw up" or "His worldview is quite childish." It is about your own internal dialogue, as opposed to what is voiced. As long as you believe your own personal unsaid reasons are viable, then OK. But make sure that you are not walking away from a good thing for too little a reason either.

life123

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Post Re: Saying No
on: April 6, 2013, 11:06 PM

There are ways to say everything... just gotta be creative 🙂 🙂 Like you can say, I feel very uncomfortable with him, or we're not on the same page in a lot of important things....

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