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Author Topic: Guys and Smoking?
Bracha613

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Post Guys and Smoking?
on: June 6, 2013, 11:02 PM

Why do guys smoke? I just don't get it it's such a disgusting habit! This guy tells me "if I never smoked you wouldn't want to go out with me, only nerds (or in his language "Harry's" 😎 (** ) never smoked." I mean come on! Is that really true? Are guys really that pathetic? In order to be looked at as normal they have to smoke?????

Gayil

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Post Re: Guys and Smoking?
on: June 7, 2013, 12:55 AM

There are diff reasons why they smoke one is that it helps relieve their stress, another is experimenting & then theyre addicted.
It is true that if a guy.never.smoked there IS something wrong w him...that means if he never picked up a cigarete

basmelech

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Post Re: Guys and Smoking?
on: June 7, 2013, 1:36 AM

Quote from Gayil on June 7, 2013, 12:55 AM
There are diff reasons why they smoke one is that it helps relieve their stress, another is experimenting & then theyre addicted.
It is true that if a guy.never.smoked there IS something wrong w him...that means if he never picked up a cigarete

Smoking many times begins from peer pressure, and then they become addicted so they are very likely to continue. I have to disagree though about not picking up a ciggarete means somethings wrong. On the contrary it shows real self control and not giving in to peer pressure. Picking up one will likely lead to trying one... So they really have to stop before they pick one up.

basmelech

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Post Re: Guys and Smoking?
on: June 7, 2013, 1:41 AM

Quote from Bracha613 on June 6, 2013, 11:02 PM
Why do guys smoke? I just don't get it it's such a disgusting habit!

Disgusting habit is the tip of the iceberg. Its a well known slowly drawn out lung destroyer! In other words a killer. Its a very sad and terrible addiction. 😐

patcha

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Post Re: Guys and Smoking?
on: June 7, 2013, 12:34 PM

hmmm. Would you rather a guy who smokes or drinks?

TryToDoWha-
tsRight

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Post Re: Guys and Smoking?
on: June 8, 2013, 10:09 PM

Definitely smokes. Drinking (heavily) is a whole different problem, with other serious issues (possibly) involved.

gold

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Post Re: Guys and Smoking?
on: June 9, 2013, 2:59 AM

Sorry, but if a guy never picked up a cig, it is NOT that somethings wrong! i have six bros and theyre all with it and have a ton of friends and none of them have ever picked up a cigarette. On the contrary they have self control and dont give into the peer pressure. There is nothing wrong with a guy who never touched a cig, rather there IS something wrong with someone who has.

basmelech

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Post Re: Guys and Smoking?
on: June 9, 2013, 11:26 AM

gold im so happy to hear that b"H!! Its a real bracha. Hope you appreciate it. πŸ™‚

feigy123

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Post Re: Guys and Smoking?
on: June 9, 2013, 4:09 PM

Quote from patcha on June 7, 2013, 12:34 PM
hmmm. Would you rather a guy who smokes or drinks?

Smokes. Drinking is disgusting. Have you ever drinken? It tastes like alcohol.

patcha

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Post Re: Guys and Smoking?
on: June 9, 2013, 8:39 PM

Quote from feigy123 on June 9, 2013, 4:09 PM

Quote from patcha on June 7, 2013, 12:34 PM
hmmm. Would you rather a guy who smokes or drinks?

Smokes. Drinking is disgusting. Have you ever drinken? It tastes like alcohol.

Smoking is dirty. Alcohol is a disinfectant.

hannahr

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Post Re: Guys and Smoking?
on: June 13, 2013, 1:27 PM

Bear in mind- a guy who smokes will endanger YOU. Second hand smoke kills (my great-grandfather died of emphysema from second hand smoke).
That is not to say it's better than alcohol- that's comparing apples and oranges. Just don't think, "he smokes- but at least he doesn't drink."

bitachon

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Post Re: Guys and Smoking?
on: June 13, 2013, 7:10 PM

a rabbi in sem told us we are allowed and should say no to boys that smoke as it shows a lacke of self control...

Bracha

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Post Re: Guys and Smoking?
on: June 14, 2013, 1:36 PM

Quote from bitachon on June 13, 2013, 7:10 PM
a rabbi in sem told us we are allowed and should say no to boys that smoke as it shows a lacke of self control...

Thanks for sharing Bitachon!
Sometimes I wonder though how a Rabbi can take such an Achrious upon himself. How could he say to a class full of girls (or to a whole seminary) that a boy who smokes doesn't have self control? Who doesn't bend sometimes to peer pressure? Does that mean that boys who smoke are mostly bad husbands?
I think it's very dangerous to generalize!
What do you all think?

moori

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Post Re: Guys and Smoking?
on: June 16, 2013, 8:19 PM

Quote from patcha on June 7, 2013, 12:34 PM
hmmm. Would you rather a guy who smokes or drinks?

if these are my only two options, i'd rather stay single. both are disgusting habits that affect not just the person but everyone around them.

Avigail

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Post Re: Guys and Smoking?
on: June 16, 2013, 8:40 PM

Quote from moori on June 16, 2013, 8:19 PM
if these are my only two options, i'd rather stay single.

I hope your joking. I agree it's disgusting, but you'd rather stay single???

patcha

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Post Re: Guys and Smoking?
on: June 16, 2013, 8:45 PM

Moori: Welcome to inshidduchim.com!

Isn't that being a little judgmental? If all my friends smoked, I'd have probably tried it a few times. And if they drank, I'd probably drink socially. (I don't, and have no plans to ever do it just because others do, but just being honest here) There are plenty of bad habits out there, and drinking and smoking are far from the worst of them. (they are still bad. in case that wasn't clear.)

I think boys have much stronger negative social pressures than we do. I suppose you can hold out for someone who never tried anything risky in their life but why judge someone for something you would probably be just as guilty of in that situation? Obviously this principle has limits, but I'm making a general point here.

moori

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Post Re: Guys and Smoking?
on: June 16, 2013, 10:28 PM

i meant on a regular basis. i went out with former smokers, i get that people go through phases. but if they smoke and/ or drink habitually, it's a complete, utter and total dealbreaker.

tzunah

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Post Re: Guys and Smoking?
on: June 17, 2013, 8:01 AM

If you are willing to marry somebody who smoked in his past but doesn't smoke now, you have to be willing to accept that. It does happen that in times of stress he might start smoking again. If that possibility is inconceivable for you and would be a deal breaker, perhaps he is not the right person.

moori

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Post Re: Guys and Smoking?
on: June 17, 2013, 6:48 PM

i am aware of the fact that a smoker can return to his (or her) habit. i am also aware that people can develop habits after marriage or have a hidden one come to light after marriage. i just don't want to go into it with those pre-existing conditions. after that, i just have to keep davening.

Sari

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Post Re: Guys and Smoking?
on: June 17, 2013, 7:43 PM

Quote from gold on June 9, 2013, 2:59 AM
Sorry, but if a guy never picked up a cig, it is NOT that somethings wrong! i have six bros and theyre all with it and have a ton of friends and none of them have ever picked up a cigarette.

Well you don't really know if they picked up a cigarette πŸ˜‰ The same way he would hide it from your parents he'd hide it from you. It's funny I wonder if the next generation will be more chilled about there kids smoking since they all smoked a bit in Yeshiva. I guess it's our job to put our foot down πŸ˜€

not-
nogeiah-
who

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Post Re: Guys and Smoking?
on: July 22, 2013, 1:58 AM

IT

not-
nogeiah-
who

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Post Re: Guys and Smoking?
on: July 22, 2013, 2:01 AM

sorry...
IT IS SO NOT TRUE THAT ONLY HARRIES NEVER SMOKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have lots of brothers (only) and they all have a lot of friends - not one of them can be called a harry, and yet all these dozens of boys have never smoked!

I find that boys who are trying to show how "fest" they are smoke. even if that's not why they smoek NOW, it's often why they started to begin with. Unless they grew up in a society where it's normal - and in really yeshivish - not "fest yeshivish" - circles, smoking is not the norm/

feigy123

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Post Re: Guys and Smoking?
on: July 24, 2013, 12:38 AM

Quote from not nogeiah who on July 22, 2013, 2:01 AM
sorry...
IT IS SO NOT TRUE THAT ONLY HARRIES NEVER SMOKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have lots of brothers (only) and they all have a lot of friends - not one of them can be called a harry, and yet all these dozens of boys have never smoked!

I find that boys who are trying to show how "fest" they are smoke. even if that's not why they smoek NOW, it's often why they started to begin with. Unless they grew up in a society where it's normal - and in really yeshivish - not "fest yeshivish" - circles, smoking is not the norm/

It really is very nice of you to not call them "Harry's". Because even Harry's can be insulted when you say that.

patcha

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Post Re: Guys and Smoking?
on: July 24, 2013, 8:39 AM

What's a Harry again?

feigy123

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Post Re: Guys and Smoking?
on: July 25, 2013, 3:48 AM

A kind of prince. Not a monkey's uncle. But sometimes a george.

Sari

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Post Re: Guys and Smoking?
on: July 25, 2013, 12:58 PM

Quote from patcha on July 24, 2013, 8:39 AM
What's a Harry again?

A nerd (more or less)

patcha

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Post Re: Guys and Smoking?
on: July 25, 2013, 1:30 PM

Quote from feigy123 on July 25, 2013, 3:48 AM
A kind of prince. Not a monkey's uncle. But sometimes a george.

lol πŸ™‚

Quote from Sari on July 25, 2013, 12:58 PM
A nerd (more or less)

gotcha

not-
nogeiah-
who

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Post Re: Guys and Smoking?
on: July 28, 2013, 7:17 PM

a harry is not a nerd. at all. i'm friends with lotsa harries, and they are absolutely not nerds

feigy123

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Post Re: Guys and Smoking?
on: July 28, 2013, 8:46 PM

I don't think a girl can be a harry.

not-
nogeiah-
who

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Post Re: Guys and Smoking?
on: July 28, 2013, 10:07 PM

sure theycan be. only if you want yo can call a female a "Harriet"

shaynapuni-
m

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Post Re: Guys and Smoking?
on: July 29, 2013, 12:31 AM

Quote from feigy123 on July 28, 2013, 8:46 PM
I don't think a girl can be a harry.

notnogeiah - i agree with feigy on this one... girls can't be harry's

chaykie

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Post Re: Guys and Smoking?
on: July 29, 2013, 11:15 AM

so- gold and notnogeiahwho, since we all here don't want smokers/drinkers, and you mentioned ur brothers don't, why don't you start setting us all up?? just an idea πŸ™‚

not-
nogeiah-
who

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Post Re: Guys and Smoking?
on: July 29, 2013, 4:52 PM

hey... Chaykie - i tried! but brothers aren't so into telling sisters about their friends if they think they'll embarrass them and set them up... πŸ˜›
And shaynapunim... i have harriet friends - so they must exist!

bibliophil-
e02

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Post Re: Guys and Smoking?
on: October 17, 2013, 6:10 PM

First of all, smoking is assur.

Second of all, smoking is significantly more addictive than drinking and even the occasional cigarette will do permanent damage to your lungs. Yes, there are alcoholics out there, but there are also tons of guys who enjoy drinking in moderation with no issues. In fact, alcohol can actually be GOOD for you in moderation.

In short, I seriously urge you to consider the implications of dating/marrying a guy who smokes.

TryToDoWha-
tsRight

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Post Re: Guys and Smoking?
on: October 17, 2013, 8:58 PM

Smoking is not assur. I'm sure there are a few opinions out there that say it is; but it is not. There are important rabbinical figures who smoke. Also, many, many bachurim and kollel yungerman smoke - in very yeshivish cities - where I'm sure if it were assur, there would be movements against it.

Also, the occasional cigarette will actually not do permanent damage to your lungs. Your lungs clean themselves out. Whether you could become addicted (which could have permanent repercussions), is another story.

Also, alcoholics are much more dangerous to be married to than smokers. So, I think that is more serious. Smokers can (though it is very difficult to) quit their habit. Alcoholics usually have to go to rehab, whereas smokers just have to exert self-control.

Neither are good to marry, but I think that smoking is significantly less dangerous of a habit.

bibliophil-
e02

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Post Re: Guys and Smoking?
on: October 18, 2013, 12:07 AM

Of course I would not recommend marrying an alcoholic. But the vast, vast majority of those who drink, even on a regular basis, will never become alcoholics. On the other hand, I don't know a single person who decided to "just try one cigarette" who did not eventually become a heavy smoker.

There are dozens of great rebbeim who have assured smoking. Yes, yeshiva guys do it. Yeshiva guys are not infallible. They do a lot of things they shouldn't. See the thread about BMG guys who completely ignore the rule not to have texting or Internet on their phones.

Occasional smoking (while extremely rare) still puts you at increased risk of lung cancer and heart disease. There is no such thing as a safe amount of smoking. There are only degrees of risk.

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