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Author Topic: When To Stop
Liba

Dater

Posts: 20
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Post When To Stop
on: February 14, 2013, 4:04 PM

Just want to hear opinions. This happens to me a lot. I like most people, so a lot of times I'm dating a guy and I like him but then after a while I realize it's nothing more, like it's not moving forward. What number date would you think you should start feeling something more. I had a shadchan who told me that if I don't feel anything after 4 dates I should just stop. What do you guys think?

atararox

Dating Pro

Posts: 227
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Post Re: When To Stop
on: February 14, 2013, 4:24 PM

I dont think u can put ano amount of dates on it. U have to date untill ur 100 percent sure its not for u. Sometimes u know after 1 date and sometimes u need 7 dates untill something happens that shows u it wont go anywhere. My good friend dated her hsband 6 times without feeling anything,she just had no reason to say no and then on the 6th date theyspoke about a certain topic and they just connected. U have to trust ur gut. If u find ur dating every guy 4 times and then saying no, then maybe make a list of things that are really impt to u and after a second date go thru the list and see what he has and what he doesnt. Most people dont date every guy they go out with 4x.
Most of all just daven for clarity! That will def help! Hatzlacha!

feigy123

Dating Coach

Posts: 553
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Post Re: When To Stop
on: February 14, 2013, 5:38 PM

If that is happening frequently, perhaps the problem is that you aren't forming relationships appropriately. Perhaps you should speak to a therapist.

thinkingBY-
girl

Dating Coach

Posts: 607
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Post Re: When To Stop
on: February 14, 2013, 7:33 PM

So this is a hard question to answer because obviously I don't know you, and I don't have all the facts here. I don't exactly know what you mean by "I'm dating a guy and I like him but then after a while I realize it's nothing more, like it's not moving forward." Are you saying that you guys just get along, but you can't see yourself spending your life with him? What about everything else that should come into play here? Do your hashkafos and values match? Do you respect him as a person? Do you appreciate who he is -- his values, his goals? Etc... Also, to answer your question, I don't think it's about a number of dates. What I mean is, perhaps you need to date differently. Maybe you need to be more focused. You can't just go into a relationship hoping for some spark to be ignited and for you to fall head over heels and things to just fall into place. Real life doesn't generally happen like that. You need a clear idea of what you are looking for in a guy. This is what dating for marriage is about. Do you think it would be helpful to see a dating coach?

Liba

Dater

Posts: 20
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Post Re: When To Stop
on: February 14, 2013, 8:40 PM

Thanks to all of you for sending me to therapy. 😮 Maybe one day... But I don't think it's what you're making it out to be. It's just that I think the guy is nice, and have a fine time with him, and keep on saying "lets give it another try" but then I feel the same way. If things still feel the same way after 4 times, then it's a "no" - right?

LuvAhuva

Dating Maven

Posts: 62
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Post Re: When To Stop
on: February 14, 2013, 8:48 PM

well it really depends why your not feeling anything and how often its happening...most of the time a girl doesnt just feel "that a guy is nice and has a fine time" yet not have any feelings. its a little strange. maybe youre not taking it seriously enough.. we dont know you personally so its hard to judge but if you give more details maybe we can give better advice. like how often does this happen? did it happen with 1 guy or 4?
do you have specific qaulities that you are looking for. do you like some guys more than others.
do you like guys at all LOL jk 😀
details please... 😉

thinkingBY-
girl

Dating Coach

Posts: 607
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Post Re: When To Stop
on: February 14, 2013, 8:49 PM

There's a difference between talking to a dating coach and going to therapy! What do you mean, "...but then I feel the same way. If things still feel the same way after 4 times..."? Feel the same how? That you get along and nothing else? There needs to be some other measure to decide if the guy is for you or not, it's not just about if you get along with him...

inshidduch-
im613

Dating Maven

Posts: 155
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Post Re: When To Stop
on: February 14, 2013, 10:22 PM

Quote from thinkingBYgirl on February 14, 2013, 7:33 PM
What about everything else that should come into play here? Do your hashkafos and values match? Do you respect him as a person? Do you appreciate who he is -- his values, his goals? Etc...

This.

i agree. feelings cant be the only factor. believe it or not, some people never have "feelings" before they get married...(see diff thread on that..)

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