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Author Topic: What would you prefer?
shono

Dater

Posts: 14
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Post What would you prefer?
on: March 5, 2013, 7:00 PM

Recently I have been hearing about suggestions people have for me, but they ask me before they asked the boy and then if I say it sounds good then I now feel like I'm waiting for them all to check in and say yes or no and i am so nervous and cant stop thinking about it. In general, I hear about a shidduch only after the boy says yes and then I have the final say. That is much calmer for me and I like that so much better. Its nice to hear when people are thinking about me- but I just hate waiting for the boy to check in. I am like obsessing about it and I dont know what to do...

So, what do you prefer? Would you rather know people are thinking about you and ask you about an idea before they ask the boy? or to hear about a shidduch only after boy says yes? I would love to hear how others feel...

shono

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Post Re: What would you prefer?
on: March 5, 2013, 7:03 PM

I apologize if there is another topic about this I didnt notice one but I do apologize if this is a repeat..

iThink

Dating Pro

Posts: 311
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Post Re: What would you prefer?
on: March 5, 2013, 7:58 PM

I personally prefer being redt the shidduch only after the boy said yes. It's simply a waste of my time to do all that research on a maybe...

Bracha613

Dating Maven

Posts: 175
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Post Re: What would you prefer?
on: March 5, 2013, 8:08 PM

LOL atara (if you see this) maybe you can add this to the list of why girls have it better then boys in the shidduch scene.

gold

Dating Maven

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Post Re: What would you prefer?
on: March 6, 2013, 6:00 PM

I say: when someone suggests a name to you before the boy gives a yes, it doesnt mean too much so try not to get your hopes up high. some prefer not to look into it at all until the boy gives a yes, some look into it at a basic level to see if it is at all shayach, and others do a thorough research and then have to wait till the boy says yes. I think it's good to just ask one or two people about him to see if he's in your ballpark and then hand it over to the shadchan to redt to the boy. (And then wait....and wait....and wait....) Whatever the case, it is always nice to know that people are thinking of you regardless as to whether the boy gave a 'yes' or not.

feigy123

Dating Coach

Posts: 553
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Post Re: What would you prefer?
on: March 7, 2013, 8:31 AM

I ask the shadchan why they are wasting my time and emotional energy. It is like a seminary doing research on you before you apply.

shono

Dater

Posts: 14
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Post Re: What would you prefer?
on: March 10, 2013, 1:35 PM

these suggestions came from family members, so they told my mother about them who told me about them. the boys both sound like incredible boys and exactly what i am looking for which is why it is so hard not to be excited about them. i keep trying to stop myself from thinking about them, but it is so hard! i keep trying to convince myself that they arent interested in me so i can stop thinking about it. Its nice these family members are thinking about me, but my life would be so much less stressful if I didnt know these boys existed lol... does anyone know what I am saying or am I just crazy?

life123

Dating Pro

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Post Re: What would you prefer?
on: March 10, 2013, 4:43 PM

I know what you mean... I'm in pretty much the same situation myself now... but I think I'd rather know that something is happening. Even if nothing comes out of it, if people were thinking about me once, maybe they'll think of me again. And you never know what it will lead to. I know someone who dated a boy (but this just a story, but it could happen someone in the family who is looking into you) and when it was over she said no way... but he would be really good for my younger sister. And he was. He married her younger sister.

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