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Author Topic: What would you do....
hello

Dater

Posts: 18
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Post What would you do....
on: September 11, 2014, 11:10 PM

What would you do if a boy was suggested to you, who sounds like he is similar to you in hashkafos and personality. But you happen to know that several months back he dated your friend very seriously. In fact, they were almost at the point of getting engaged when he said no. Your friend was devastated. She still thinks he'll change his mind.
Would you go out with him? Would you discuss it with your friend?

bitachon

Dating Maven

Posts: 156
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Post Re: What would you do....
on: September 16, 2014, 6:22 PM

ooooo that is a tough call. i wouldnt give it up if i got a yes. yet its tough i prob would go out and if it gets to a point where its going somewhere i would tell my friend. because it may not get serious so why give her unnecessary pain. also i would want to find out if he has a hard time committing cuz if he is a heartbreaker he is not for me! Hatzlacha

T.C.S.

Dater

Posts: 7
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Post Re: What would you do....
on: September 18, 2014, 8:43 AM

Hey, I can tell you what it would feel like being on the other side since the exact situation happened to me. I dated a boy for severel weeks, we went out 7 times and then i found out something hashkafic about him that i would never even consider in the first place had i known this before (yes, i know its all Min Hashmayim since my parents did extensive reaserch but for some reason no one bothered to mention this basic thing...whatever).
anyway, what I am trying to say is that i actually thought that he would be a good idea for my friend. I waited a few months until i was totally over him and then i suggested it. they didnt even go at the end but what i could tell you is that these things could get really uncomftorable since i knew i was doing the right things but i was always thinking in the back of my mind what happens if this works out i will never be able to face this friend with her chosson. On the other hand, if you got a yes already as chazal say" חייך קודמים" which means that obviuoslly we need to care for the others but i think that in terms of shidduchim, if you got a yes from a boy and it looks exactlly like what you are looking for why take the chance of giving up your bashert just because your friend went out with him.
about discuusing it with the frined i totally agree with dating maven that you should only tell her if things are getting really serious.
good luck with everything!

rg

Dater

Posts: 3
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Post Re: What would you do....
on: September 18, 2014, 7:26 PM

Idk, that's a pretty sticky situation. We tend to do things when we get desperate(eg haven't gone out in ages, or are just really wanting to go out with someone. And trust me, I've gone out with people in desperation too, so I feel your pain), but think about how hurt your friend will be if you get engaged, or even if she finds out you went out. She will feel super betrayed. Look at it from her perspective. When she will find out that he got engaged, she will be soooo upset and be like "who is that girl, anyways??". If she finds out it's you, she will probably be extremely upset. If you still really really want to go out with him, ask her what she thinks. If not, just keep in mind that you may loose a friend.

basmelech

Dating Coach

Posts: 408
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Post Re: What would you do....
on: October 30, 2014, 7:59 PM

If he's the right type go for you go for it. I think a good friend will be ok with it in the end. Maybe a little sticky in beginning but hey life goes on people forget. And if she doesn't that's her problem not yours. Don't let it stop you from going out with someone who may be great for you.

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