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Author Topic: What to think????
Esti

Dating Maven

Posts: 59
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Post What to think????

I was at a wedding awhile ago of a cousin and one my aunts who had a son in shidduchim was complaing to my mother.That her son, who was in a big yeshiva in New Jersey and they were told that they should not take their dates to Manhattan. As it is not a "kosher" place to date. My aunt was saying how crazy things have become when she was dating the only place to go was the city.Now you can't go anywhere so where is he supposed to go on a date.Anyway, it didn't matter because he ended up marrying someone from Chicago but what I NEED help with is. I recently went out with a boy and now its over for whatever reason. He was in that big yeshiva in New Jersey and HE TOOK ME TO Manhattan. The whole time I was really bothered by that. What does that say about the boy? Is he a rule breaker? Does he not care about what his yeshiva says? I realized that it is not enough of a reason to say "no" but now that its over..what should I be thinking??

Sari

Dating Maven

Posts: 181
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Post Re: What to think????

The first thing you need to find out is if most guys listen to the rule or not. If it is a rule which is meant to be broken like the type that they don't advise it but if your desperate and if it's done in an appropriate way its okay than it is a different story all together. Find out what the good solid guys in that Yeshiva do. Do they ignore the rule or find other places to go? If to listen to the rule is the norm then he should not have taken you there. Perhaps he was lazy in being a little more creative and spending more time in finding a more suitable place. Now that your done wtih him it is a good time to do the proper research so that next time you go out with a boy from that big yeshiva (!!!!!) you will know what to do. Good Luck!

Esther

Dating Maven

Posts: 79
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Post Re: What to think????

Yikes Esti! That's crazy!

Bayla

Dating Maven

Posts: 84
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Post Re: What to think????

Can someone please find out what exactly the rule is and the details because I might be dating a guy from that same Yeshiva and if he's not suppose to be going there or if it will not be appropriate for him than he shouldn't be there and I need to know that!!!!

Miriam

Dating Maven

Posts: 51
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Post Re: What to think????

Nothing personal Bayla but there are thousands of Yeshivas and hotels out there. If you are uncomfortable with a place that a date brought you, speak to someone or him about it. All because someone was uncomfortable with some place, doesn't mean you should be! Trust your instinct!

gold

Dating Maven

Posts: 77
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Post Re: What to think????

esti, you say that "they were told not to take their dates to manhattan". That doesnt mean it's a rule. There is a big difference. In this case, I dont think that any boy who decides to take a girl to manhattan is a rule breaker. I dont think that you should think so deeply into it. Have you ever went against what your highschool or seminary advised (or even a rule)? I'm not saying it's acceptable but you should understand that it's not against the norm. Also, obviously it dependson the severity of each rule. I'm sure you know of the rule of not having texting in 'that' yeshiva. Now that is a rule and if someone goes against that rule, I would question it (wouldn't say no because of it), but would question it because they had to sign a paper saying that they wont have texting and if they do have texting, they are breaking the rule.....

feigy123

Dating Coach

Posts: 553
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Post Re: What to think????

We're obviously all talking about the same big yeshiva in New Jersey, so we may as well say it.

All together now: Beis Medrash Govoha in Lakewood.

As I'm aware, even many of the very good top guys there do go to the city, but maybe not to Times Square.

Bayla

Dating Maven

Posts: 84
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Post Re: What to think????

The question is not what the big yeshiva is called the questions is is it ossur or Muter?
What is the rule there??

Shira

Dater

Posts: 29
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Post Re: What to think????

I never heard of that rule. But what do I know.

feigy123

Dating Coach

Posts: 553
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Post Re: What to think????

Quote from Bayla on January 22, 2013, 4:18 PM
The question is not what the big yeshiva is called the questions is is it ossur or Muter?
What is the rule there??

There is no rule. Lakewood does not have rules about what you are and are not allowed to do while dating. Except for when you are allowed to start.

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