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Author Topic: what should i do??? Help please
heyhey

Dating Maven

Posts: 191
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Post what should i do??? Help please

Ok. so here i am. just came back from a 10th date and I have no idea if i like the guy or not. Better yet... he is ready to PROPOSE to me!!! I think I like him, but i can't imagine myself spending the rest of my life with this guy. The shadchan is pressuring me (even though the guy tells me to take my time) My parents are totally not involved, and my mentor has been in Florida for 10 days already and I don't want to disturb her vacation.

Just let him propose? So many broken engagements i'm scared.

Say no and lose an opportunity?

Drag it out longer and maybe he really doesn't mean to take my time...?

TYIA

Jgirl1

Dater

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Post Re: what should i do??? Help please

Please please whatever you do TAKE YOUR TIME. This is the rest of your life. Go on a few more dates and DO NOT LET anyone pressure you because your living with him and marrying him for the rest of your life BE"H. Make a list if you need to. Just don't feel pressured because you don't want to make a wrong decision.

thinkingBY-
girl

Dating Coach

Posts: 607
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Post Re: what should i do??? Help please

This is not the kind of decision you need to make alone. I think you should reach out to your mentor, she would want to be part of this, I'm sure. If you can't reach her, you need to speak with someone else you trust and respect. Don't get engaged until you're ready!! Don't let anyone pressure you; only you have to live with the consequences.

Why does this have to be an all or nothing? Do you think he will drop you if you tell him you're not ready yet? I think that if he does then perhaps he's not as serious as you think.

It's not just about liking him, but if everything else seems right and it comes down to that, there are a few things that you could try to figure that out. 1- Like jgirl suggests, hash it out in list. What are the things you like about him/find cute/endearing? Do you appreciate his sense of humor? etc 2- Imagine what you might feel like if you say no, or he wakes up tomorrow and has a change of heart. Trying to put all the emotion wrapped up in the investment in this relationship, having to start all over with the next guy, etc, aside, how heartbroken would you be? Can you imagine life next week without him? 3- Compare him to your objective list of needs and wants. Does he satisfy your "need" column? 4- What do the people who care about you say about him and your relationship? 5- Here's a big one: Do you respect him? 6- Do you like who you are around him? Does he bring out the best in you?

Have you ever read Chana Levitan's I Only Want to Get Married Once: Dating Secrets for Getting it Right the First Time ? If not, I suggest you do, it might help you out with this.

Hatzlacha Rabba!

Princess-
Lea

Dating Pro

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Post Re: what should i do??? Help please

First thing, ignore the shadchan. I know of engagements that were later broken because a shadchan pushed where she shouldn't have. Her job was to introduce you; it is not her job to pressure you.

The guy is telling you to take your time. Perfect! If he really cares about you, he should give you time, and you shouldn't worry about taking it.

I know of a couple that got engaged and the guy said to take her time. 10 dates is not like a year long courtship; no problem if you wait a little while longer, no matter what your decision will be.

You think you like him, but you can't imagine spending the rest of your life with him—why? You have to break it down for yourself. Why you like him, why you can't visualize a future, reasons for both. I'm repeating previously given advice, but it can't be emphasized enough.

If he actually said, "Take your time," and not "I need an answer now or else I'll walk away forever," that is another point in his favor. I hate ultimatums.

But again, this is your decision. Think about it clearly, go out a few more times, maybe bring up what concerns you have and he can clear them up.

heyhey

Dating Maven

Posts: 191
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Post Re: what should i do??? Help please

bump

Esther

Dating Maven

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Post Re: what should i do??? Help please

What does bump mean?

Bayla

Dating Maven

Posts: 84
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Post Re: what should i do??? Help please

yea? Now what? You have us all in suspense here...

heyhey

Dating Maven

Posts: 191
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Post Re: what should i do??? Help please

whoops! BUMP is when you want to bump a thread!! Like if no1 posted back to you and you want it to come up 1st on the home page forum you right bump! that way every1 sees it again... basically a reminder saying here i am again!!!

Im glad to help you with any questions Bayla and Esther. PS when i say Bayla and Esther it makes me smile. I have 2 adorable nieces with those same names!!!

rosepetal5

Dating Maven

Posts: 163
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Post Re: what should i do??? Help please
on: May 25, 2013, 10:18 PM

Just talk honestly with him and tell him you're not ready. Honesty is so important to a relationship. Hopefully, he'll understand and would be more than willing to continue dating. If he's trying to pressure you (which it does not sound like he's doing), dump him!!

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