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Author Topic: Wanna go boating?
feigy123

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Post Wanna go boating?
on: May 24, 2013, 1:00 AM

This is inspired by the ongoing story.

What do you say when the boy asks if you want to do an activity, or go eat somewhere, and you do not want to?

Is it ok to say you'd actually rather not?
Is it ok to not say that you'd actually rather not?

thinkingBY-
girl

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Post Re: Wanna go boating?
on: May 24, 2013, 2:33 AM

I think communication is important. Say what you feel.

Question is, is he asking just to be nice and doesn't think you'll say no, or does he really want a truthful answer?

feigy123

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Post Re: Wanna go boating?
on: May 24, 2013, 8:09 AM

Well, presumably he is taking you to these places and spending so much time and money because he thinks you will like it. So presumably he'd want to know if you didn't.

patcha

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Post Re: Wanna go boating?
on: May 24, 2013, 8:52 AM

Quote from thinkingBYgirl on May 24, 2013, 2:33 AM
I think communication is important. Say what you feel.

Agreed. And the person has to ask you directly.

patcha

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Post Re: Wanna go boating?
on: May 24, 2013, 8:54 AM

Oh, never mind, I just realized this is from the ongoing story.
Why would anyone not say no, if they know they wouldn't enjoy it?

feigy123

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Post Re: Wanna go boating?
on: May 24, 2013, 9:02 AM

Quote from patcha on May 24, 2013, 8:54 AM
Oh, never mind, I just realized this is from the ongoing story.
Why would anyone not say no, if they know they wouldn't enjoy it?

Might be a little shy to.
Or maybe feel bad to ruin his plans and then he won't know what to do. I mean, I'd be disappointed if a planned a get-together for a few friends and then one of them said she didn't want to go where I'd picked.

patcha

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Post Re: Wanna go boating?
on: May 24, 2013, 9:16 AM

hmmm. that does make a lot of sense.
I'm assuming that by the point they go on that date they are more comfortable with each other. So I guess that if someone is planning a really complicated date like that, they should ask the person beforehand. If he doesn't, the girl might anyway be wearing an outfit that makes it really hard to do the activity, which would ruin his plans even if she likes boating.

atararox

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Post Re: Wanna go boating?
on: May 24, 2013, 9:38 AM

In reference to the story- I think if Donny would've told Dina where they were going before she wouldve been ok with it she would've just worn a straight skirt and brought along a pony holder and she would've been mentally prepared which is a huge difference! I personally hate surprises on dates I like to know where we're going how I should dress (heels flats bring a jacket etc) to maximize comfort level and also like I said I think mental preparedness makes a big difference! But if I rlly didn't like a place a guy was taking me, especially for hashkafa reasons, I would say something!

chaykie

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Post Re: Wanna go boating?
on: May 27, 2013, 9:21 PM

funny actually something similar happened to me...we were told in high school that it is not tzniyus to go bowling on a date because of the way you move ur body when you bowl. I really agreed with what our teacher was saying after she pointed this out to us. (no dw, i don't think any less of anyone who goes bowling on dates, just for myself, i'm not comfortable with it). so anyway, i get into a boys car, we drive a while, get into a parking lot, and he turns to me and says "i hope you like bowling". yeah well, i do, but i was davening to Hashem so hard that he could change the boys mind, and maybe we could just go to the arcade...and Hashem totally listened! the bowling alley was jam packed, every lane was being used, so we left. omg i was so thankful! we went somewhere else instead. somewhere much more pleasant and conducive to a date. (this was a second date, mind you)

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