Forums

Suggest a New Forum Category

Welcome Guest 

Show/Hide Header

Welcome Guest, posting in this forum requires registration.

Pages: [1]
Author Topic: Travel for a Date?
Esther

Dating Maven

Posts: 79
Send Message
Post Travel for a Date?
on: February 20, 2013, 10:58 PM

I have an inner conflict each time the following situation arises. I live out of town and many times the boys that I date need travel in for the date. On the one side, this is the way of dating that the boy picks up the girl - and travels to her town if need be. On the other hand, this usually messes up his learning schedule and after all I am looking for a serious learner. Maybe I should be traveling to him then? 😐

basyisroel

Dater

Posts: 39
Send Message
Post Re: Travel for a Date?
on: February 20, 2013, 11:04 PM

That's a really good question, I also always feel bad that the guy has to miss seder to travel in.

thinkingBY-
girl

Dating Coach

Posts: 607
Send Message
Post Re: Travel for a Date?
on: February 21, 2013, 12:18 AM

Think about it like this, dating is a mitzvah (getting married is a mitzvah, particularly for a guy, and thus dating is a mitzvah). He gets s'char halichah for traveling to meet you. In an example, if someone lives an hour away from the B"M and learns for 2 hours a day, he gets s'char for 4 hours of learning (the way there, the way back, and the two hours sitting and learning). Someone who lives 5 minutes from the B"M and learns 2 hours a day gets s'char for 2 hours and 10 minutes of learning. That said, you can go out of your way to be m'vater for his learning. That way, whatever he is able to learn because you came in instead of him coming to you, you have a part in that. Personally I think 50/50, but if you're able to go in more times than he comes to you, good for you!

Bracha613

Dating Maven

Posts: 175
Send Message
Post Re: Travel for a Date?
on: February 21, 2013, 12:24 AM

I always feel like going in is a way of showing Hashem that I really mean it. My Father though won't hear of it, he says that's not how a lady should be treated.

feigy123

Dating Coach

Posts: 553
Send Message
Post Re: Travel for a Date?
on: February 21, 2013, 12:28 AM

I don't think this has to do with boys v. girls. I think the dynamic is that whoever is outside the NY area comes in.

Some NY-ers here: Would you travel to Chicago to meet a guy in Telshe, or would you expect him to come in first.

inshidduch-
im613

Dating Maven

Posts: 155
Send Message
Post Re: Travel for a Date?
on: February 21, 2013, 11:49 AM

I know a lot of bklyn girls who go into lakewood for a date (well except the first one or two) so he doesn't have to miss learning and i think it's beautiful!
being an "real" outta-towner myself, i always have to come in to where the boys are anyways 🙂 lol

Princess10-
1

Dater

Posts: 16
Send Message
Post Re: Travel for a Date?
on: February 27, 2013, 1:15 PM

I have the same problem, I am from out of town but not out of town enough that they can't come pick me up from my house, but I always feel bad making them travel. Also who wants a tired worn out boy who just drove 2 hours as a date?!?!

Sari

Dating Maven

Posts: 181
Send Message
Post Re: Travel for a Date?
on: February 27, 2013, 9:20 PM

Quote from Bracha613 on February 21, 2013, 12:24 AM
My Father though won't hear of it, he says that's not how a lady should be treated.

Did you try explaining to him that it's so you don't interrupt his learning?

patcha

Dating Coach

Posts: 445
Send Message
Post Re: Travel for a Date?
on: March 3, 2013, 7:13 PM

I agree with Bracha613's father. The fact is, a boy does not value a girl if she comes too easy.

Cherry

Dating Maven

Posts: 98
Send Message
Post Re: Travel for a Date?
on: March 3, 2013, 7:34 PM

patcha- Agreed!

Pages: [1]
Mingle Forum by cartpauj
Version: 1.0.33.3; Page loaded in: 0.089 seconds.