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Author Topic: Terrible Date
Bracha613

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Post Terrible Date
on: March 17, 2013, 3:36 PM

So my good friend just got engaged, and she tells me that she said no after the 2nd date but the shadchan convinced her to go out again. Now the reason she said no (in hindsight) was because they went to an aquarium and there was nowhere to sit down. Since they couldn't find a private place to sit it ended up being an awkward date.
This got me thinking how many times do we (or the boy) say no just bec. it was a bad location, bad weather......what do you think? Do you think that trivial things like date location ect. has to do with why a lot of people say no?

dancer90

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Post Re: Terrible Date
on: March 17, 2013, 7:02 PM

yes!!!! i had that! we went to an arcade place on a 4th date and it was so packed and noisy so the whole date was awkward. after that we both came home with an icky feeling and we sort of said no without really knowing why...i guess it just couldnt progress normally in such an envirement. the first 3 dates were really nice, but the shadchan didnt push so we just left it. i still wonder about it but u just really have to belive that itsa all min hashamyim and if its meant to be then hashem will make it happen. its all for the best.

Esther

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Post Re: Terrible Date
on: March 17, 2013, 8:34 PM

dancer90, I would try to go out again with that guy, it really sounds like the place may have messed you up. I know it's all min hashamayim but maybe it just wasn't the right time. I know of quite a few people that went out with guys again. I think you should go for it - if he's still around.

iThink

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Post Re: Terrible Date
on: March 18, 2013, 9:45 AM

Dancer90, I agree with Esther. If that's all there was to your no then it might be a good idea for you to try to go out with him again. Someplace quiet 🙂

Rela

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Post Re: Terrible Date
on: March 18, 2013, 4:29 PM

Dancer90, I had a very similar situation! My question is how do I go about asking to go out with a guy again... 😕

cupcake

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Post Re: Terrible Date
on: March 18, 2013, 4:32 PM

I have a friend that after third date she and the guy she was dating both said no and the shadchan told each of them that the other really wanted to go out again and that they should give it another chance... To make a long story short: they are married now! 🙂

dancer90

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Post Re: Terrible Date
on: March 18, 2013, 5:48 PM

yes hes still around! and hes the only guy i ever liked!! I going back and forth if i should start it up again...dont know what to do! how do i go about it? it was such an awkward date that i keepthinking its ganna be awkwaard again! HELP!

life123

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Post Re: Terrible Date
on: March 18, 2013, 8:33 PM

Have the goal in mind! To build your bayis! Isn't that worth all the awkwardness in the world?!? Talk to your shadchan/mother!

dancer90

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Post Re: Terrible Date
on: March 18, 2013, 9:30 PM

the shadchan that redt it is a huuuge shadchan he prob x even remem that he ever set it up.
also, im such a baby but im scared of rejection. like what if hes tot past it and never thought twice about it ill feel so dumb. i know im crazy and immature and insecure but i cant help it.plus i keep telling myself if it was meant to be the it wouldve worked or hashem will make it happen a different way (like someone will redt it again or he'll come to it himself0 - is that unrealistic?

Rela

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Post Re: Terrible Date
on: March 18, 2013, 10:53 PM

Omg i totally understand... I'm in the same exact situation... There must be a way of getting this set up without it looking like it comes from us... Hmmm does anyone have any suggestions?

dancer90

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Post Re: Terrible Date
on: March 18, 2013, 11:13 PM

rela- thats really funny!! what happened by u? how many times did u go out?

i mean its over a year later and he still single...i wish there was a way to find out what he thinks without him knowing that im the one asking. but thats sort of impossible.

thinkingBY-
girl

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Post Re: Terrible Date
on: March 18, 2013, 11:19 PM

I actually suggest you take responsibility for it. If you're serious enough to want to revisit it, be an adult about it. You'll never know until you try; don't sit there and wait for life to happen. You can do some quiet inquiries into whether or not he'd be interested before you ask someone to set you guys up again. If nothing comes of it, at least you know you tried and you won't spend the rest of your life wondering what might have happened.

dancer90

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Post Re: Terrible Date
on: March 18, 2013, 11:26 PM

thinkingbygirl - belive me everything u said is true and i tell myself all this whenever i think about this situation! i just wish i had the guts. how do u suggest i do quiet inquiries?

dancer90

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Post Re: Terrible Date
on: March 18, 2013, 11:35 PM

also its really hard to say, sometimes i think that the only reason i would go back to it is out of desperation kind of. but on the other hand i think i rlly liked him. and hes only guy i ever liked and all other guys i dated wanted to go out with me again, i always said no. so its really confusing.
is it just cuz i wanna get married and he was only guy that i can relate to or did i rlly like him?

thinkingBY-
girl

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Post Re: Terrible Date
on: March 19, 2013, 12:07 AM

Is it only the fear of rejection holding you back? Really, what's the worst thing that could happen? He'll say no, he's not interested. The ball then is no longer in your court. At least you tried...

Re the quiet inquiries, do you know (of) anyone that he's close with? This also depends how well you know him...there are are a couple ways to do this quietly.

Rela

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Post Re: Terrible Date
on: March 19, 2013, 12:21 AM

we went out 5 times-- the 4th date was the awkward one, and it was also at an arcade place...and the 5th was a disaster as a result of the 4th... He is also the only guy I ever liked... I don't know what to do

thinkingbygirl- You do have a point... I think I'll jump for it one day.

Rela

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Post Re: Terrible Date
on: March 19, 2013, 12:24 AM

I was recently speaking to someone who went out with someone and revisited it a year later... She said that both their parents knew that they liked each other and his mother called a shadchan and asked to redt it again without the girl knowing that it came from the boys side... The mother of the girl said that her daughter would consider it again and they went out and are happily married now and recently had a baby 🙂

thinkingBY-
girl

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Post Re: Terrible Date
on: March 19, 2013, 12:49 AM

If there wasn't anything majorly holding you back, and it was just based on an awkward date, I say go for it. If you're uncomfortable because you don't know what he's thinking, he might reject you, you can't see yourself going to the shadchan and asking her/him to ask the guy to revisit it...speak to enough people about it and someone will get the good idea to go behind your back and redt it to him again. It's a win-win, it doesn't come from you and if he says he's not interested, you don't have to know about it.

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