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Author Topic: so confused
sem613

Dating Maven

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Post so confused
on: August 4, 2013, 2:19 PM

There's a boy who I keep being set up with, and sounds great in so many ways, but when i talk to someone who knows him they tell me that he is hashkaficly more modern than I am. A third person just tried setting us up, is that I sign that I should ignore this person's opinion and give it a shot, or is it a dangerous step to date someone who I'm told is more to the left than I am?

moori

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Post Re: so confused
on: August 4, 2013, 3:29 PM

if it keeps coming up and it sounds great, there must be a bevy of people who think it's appropriate for you. maybe it's not so much that he's to the left but more that others may think of you as leaning towards the right. a date is a date, it does not a commitment make. it may be something you need to find out on your own.

shaynapuni-
m

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Post Re: so confused
on: August 4, 2013, 5:01 PM

go for it! 😀

thinkingBY-
girl

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Post Re: so confused
on: August 4, 2013, 7:10 PM

I don't know whether or not you should go out with this guy, though remember a date is only a date, and you will hopefully be able to tell yourself why he is or isn't for you; however, keep in mind that just because multiple people set you up or thought of it means nothing! I have had a few different occasions where I've been set up with or lots of people thought of the same guy, but it was nothing in the end.

iThink

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Post Re: so confused
on: August 4, 2013, 10:59 PM

Sem613 : Who's judgement do you trust more, the people who have redt this boy or the person who feels you are hashkafically incompatible?

Princess-
Lea

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Post Re: so confused
on: August 5, 2013, 12:05 PM

"Dangerous"?

The whole point of a date is to find out if two people are compatible. What is he going to do, lure you into surfing the 'net?

You know yourself. Find out for yourself where he stands hashkafally. I have found one really cannot base their opinion on others when it comes to something like that.

daysfan24

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Post Re: so confused
on: August 6, 2013, 7:45 PM

Quote from Princess Lea on August 5, 2013, 12:05 PM
"Dangerous"?

The whole point of a date is to find out if two people are compatible. What is he going to do, lure you into surfing the 'net?

You know yourself. Find out for yourself where he stands hashkafally. I have found one really cannot base their opinion on others when it comes to something like that.

Completely agree!!!

sem613

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Post Re: so confused
on: August 7, 2013, 8:29 AM

i guess im just scared that I'll settle for less frumkeit than what I really want to, that it'll just be easier to drift back to that path than to hold firm to what I want.

Princess-
Lea

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Post Re: so confused
on: August 7, 2013, 12:53 PM

You're not settling! You're DATING!

Settling is only when the ring is on the finger. For a date, it's just finding out what the other person is like. If you feel as though the conversation is outside your comfort zone, great, he's not for you!

Do you believe in what you believe in? Then you won't "drift." A person only drifts if they don't believe in what they practice.

dazzleme21

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Post Re: so confused
on: August 8, 2013, 1:18 AM

people have different interpretations of modern maybe if you went out with him you wouldnt think he is too modern, did you try to find out specifics? why supposedly he is too modern??? does he go to broadwayshows? or wear jeans?.....or somthing else... there are many interpretations. I know someone who thought this girl i know was yeshivish and I was so surprised because I did not think so.

sem613

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Post Re: so confused
on: October 1, 2013, 10:17 PM

so basicly at that point I had said no, but decided that I would go out with him if one more person suggested it.
now a different one of my friends was redt to him, went out with him, decided its not for her, but suggested it for me. so i guess now I have to get someone to set it up. unfortunately this person who knows both of us well refuses to set it up. any ideas on how to get them to redt it anyway?

bibliophil-
e02

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Post Re: so confused
on: October 17, 2013, 5:24 PM

Sorry, but that's really controlling of her to try to make that decision for you...be honest and tell her that while you respect her opinion, it's YOUR decision to make and you would really appreciate it if she would be cooperative. Also try telling her that if you go on one date with the guy and it doesn't work out, you'll have him "out of your system", so to speak, and will be able to move on to other guys without always wondering what would have happened.

Anyway, didn't you say it was suggested by multiple people? Get someone else to redt it!

sem613

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Post Re: so confused
on: December 24, 2013, 5:52 PM

I feel like this has been the never ending saga- someone else suggested it, and found someone to redt it....
and he said no.
so I guess thats the end of that (unless people keep redting it to him also and he changes his mind as well)

eyeroller9-
0

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Post Re: so confused
on: December 25, 2013, 1:15 AM

That's good though, at least for now it's off the table and off ur mind

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