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Author Topic: Scruffy Faces
Bracha613

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Post Scruffy Faces
on: July 10, 2013, 12:03 AM

Just curious. If a boy asked you your advice (let's say your brother) should he postpone dating a girl until after Tisha Be'av when he can shave. What would you tell him? DO you think it's a valid reason/concern or do you think no girl would care.

Guest

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Post Re: Scruffy Faces
on: July 10, 2013, 12:16 AM

Sure some girls would care, he should ask the shadchan based on what she knows of the girl, or ask her if she minds.

feigy123

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Post Re: Scruffy Faces
on: July 10, 2013, 12:20 AM

Some boys from some yeshivas shave during the three weeks if they are going on like a first or second date.

patcha

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Post Re: Scruffy Faces
on: July 10, 2013, 5:44 AM

For me personally it's not a big deal, but there definitely are girls who would care, and he should not ask his sister, he should ask his Rav.

in the gap

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Post Re: Scruffy Faces
on: July 10, 2013, 10:25 AM

I don't think it is a reason to push off, as I would prefer a boy who isn't looking for kulas even if he isn't as attractive, and one is allowed to get engaged even on tisha b'av, (my friend's sister did) rather than push it off.

patcha

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Post Re: Scruffy Faces
on: July 10, 2013, 10:28 AM

Can a girl get a haircut if she has a first date during the 3 weeks?

feigy123

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Post Re: Scruffy Faces
on: July 10, 2013, 10:54 AM

What possible need could there be to get engaged on tisha b'av?

I would never get engaged on tisha b'av. I would not even go on a date on tisha b'av. It's tisha b'av! כדאי היא בית מקדשינו יום אחת בשנה

s.

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Post Re: Scruffy Faces
on: July 10, 2013, 11:17 AM

Sorry posted in the wrong place. Removed.

chaykie

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Post Re: Scruffy Faces
on: July 10, 2013, 12:20 PM

fiegy123, i also heard you can get engaged on Tisha B'av, for a beautiful reason. Tisha B'av is the day the Bais Hamikdash was destroyed. By getting engaged, the chosson and kallah are building their own mikdash, which is a step in rebuilding the ultimate Bais Hamikdash.

feigy123

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Post Re: Scruffy Faces
on: July 10, 2013, 1:43 PM

Quote from chaykie on July 10, 2013, 12:20 PM
fiegy123, i also heard you can get engaged on Tisha B'av, for a beautiful reason. Tisha B'av is the day the Bais Hamikdash was destroyed. By getting engaged, the chosson and kallah are building their own mikdash, which is a step in rebuilding the ultimate Bais Hamikdash.

I never heard that before. But that's a beautiful idea.

patcha

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Post Re: Scruffy Faces
on: July 10, 2013, 4:51 PM

Chaykie, that really is a beautiful vort. Thank you for sharing it.

ויבכו העם בלילה ההוא, it seems inopportune to get engaged during the day of most intense mourning. And most people are weak when fasting, it's probably not the best time to be making major decisions. But the vort above is really beautiful.

chaykie

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Post Re: Scruffy Faces
on: July 10, 2013, 7:33 PM

patcha, i would assume they have already made the decision before that, but the actual engagement takes place on tisha b'av.

patcha

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Post Re: Scruffy Faces
on: July 10, 2013, 8:37 PM

chaykie: yes, but I would rather actually say yes with my head clear and my heart meaningful and happy. That isn't usually the case on 9 Av.

I think this is an exceptional case, and someone came up with that vort to make them feel better about it.

chaykie

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Post Re: Scruffy Faces
on: July 10, 2013, 8:45 PM

i actually heard it from a speaker on torahanytime.com (last year, so i don't remember who said it). argue with the one who said it. i didn't make it up, and i'm sure it wasn't made up for someone's convenience, like you said.

patcha

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Post Re: Scruffy Faces
on: July 10, 2013, 8:52 PM

So you would want to get engaged on 9 Av?
I'm sorry Chaykie, I may have not explained my feelings. I love the vort you said, I think it is beautiful. I just meant that I don't think it's so lechatchila. If it happens, the vort would apply 🙂 but how many people do you know (/of) that this happened to?

shaynapuni-
m

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Post Re: Scruffy Faces
on: July 11, 2013, 7:16 PM

back to the original q ;)...

I think it would depend on how far on in the dating process it was.. If it was the first date and was not a big deal I think I would tell him to push it off, if it was already 5 dates in I think that by that point it shouldn't matter.

One exception: if it is a first date and it can't be pushed off i.e. he or she are leaving for camp... then I would tell him to ask a shailoh whether perhaps there is a heter for him to shave. I think if it is the week of (shavua she chal bo) it is more strict but perhaps even nine days he would be allowed, but what do I know I'm no posek... 😀

chaykie

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Post Re: Scruffy Faces
on: July 11, 2013, 10:27 PM

personally, i'm a bad faster to begin with, maybe someone who is a better faster would be able to get engaged on tish'a b'av...but if i had to, or if that were a good option, i don't see why i wouldn't. i don't know anyone personally (not that i can think of offhand, anyway) but i guess after tisha b'av we could check only simchas 🙂

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