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Author Topic: resumes and references
tzunah

Dater

Posts: 7
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Post resumes and references
on: July 26, 2013, 5:31 PM

My friend asked me to be a reference for her on her shidduch resume. I like her and I would love to be a good reference for her but I see her faults too clearly and I am afraid I would be too honest if people called me about her. I don't really know what to say to her about this. Any suggestions?

patcha

Dating Coach

Posts: 445
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Post Re: resumes and references
on: July 26, 2013, 5:57 PM

You have two choices:
1. Say yes. Ask her to write out what she wants you to say. Only follow that outline.
2. Say no. Explain that you don't feel comfortable / have the time / do this regularly, so you'd rather not.

Really, the kindest thing would be to tell her about her faults, if you think she can change them and would if you did. If not, better to just say no.

tzunah

Dater

Posts: 7
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Post Re: resumes and references
on: July 27, 2013, 10:37 PM

I really don't think I could tell someobody her faults. They are part of her personality and who she is. I guess I could just hope that nobody asks about those subjects

feigy123

Dating Coach

Posts: 553
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Post Re: resumes and references
on: July 28, 2013, 1:33 AM

If she is your friend, you should be able to see her in a positive light as well, good enough too be able to portray that when people call you.

shaynapuni-
m

Dating Maven

Posts: 131
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Post Re: resumes and references
on: July 29, 2013, 12:18 AM

Quote from feigy123 on July 28, 2013, 1:33 AM
If she is your friend, you should be able to see her in a positive light as well, good enough too be able to portray that when people call you.

+1, well said!!

Balabusta

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Post Re: resumes and references
on: July 31, 2013, 8:17 PM

I had a problem in which I was put on the resume of a girl whom I mentored and therefore knew a lot of struggles and issues which she had and did a good job of hiding from the community. I spoke to a Rav who specifies in this area who gave me a clear guideline of what I'm allowed to say in such a scenario. Although its still not easy, at least I know I have daas torah. I feel that everyone needs to be really well versed in hilchos lashon hara in order not to c"v push off a shidduch.

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