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Author Topic: QUESTIONS!!!
market

Dater

Posts: 22
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Post QUESTIONS!!!
on: April 18, 2013, 9:15 PM

What do you do what it's a real beginning date like #3 and the guy starts asking you serious hashkafa questions one after the other and you don't even want to answer all of them cuz it's way to soon but he's just asking away?!

me21

Dater

Posts: 14
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Post Re: QUESTIONS!!!
on: April 18, 2013, 9:31 PM

sometimes that's expected on #3 so maybe he thinks that its really gonna go somewhere so wants to carry it further and thats the expected way to do that

chaykie

Dating Coach

Posts: 466
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Post Re: QUESTIONS!!!
on: April 18, 2013, 9:34 PM

i had it on a 2nd date, and i was also really confused. i mean, i answered what i thought was appropriate for a second date... we ended it after that anyway (not bc of that) but yeah i thought it was really strange.

dancer90

Dating Pro

Posts: 208
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Post Re: QUESTIONS!!!
on: April 18, 2013, 9:56 PM

yeh i also had it once on a second date. he started telling me about his nephew who was kinda off the d and then he got all serious about how he x approve of his sisters chinuch and their too strict with the kids. and he started hashkafa talk but like intense. was so weird!
but i think for 3rd date it more normal...if your not ready for it than just answer very abruptly and he should get the hint....

thinkingBY-
girl

Dating Coach

Posts: 607
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Post Re: QUESTIONS!!!
on: April 18, 2013, 10:52 PM

It happens; I've discussed hashkafa on first dates (not on purpose obviously). A lot of times it's just about making natural conversation, and this stuff comes up. Sometimes a guy has no idea what he should be talking about (a dating newbie), and this stuff just seems natural for him to want to know what you think about it all. If it feels like he's shooting question after question, and he is testing you, by all means, shut him down. There are a few ways to accomplish that, either by changing the subject, or being tactful and discreet, giving short to the point answers and definitely not sharing more than you're comfortable to at that point, or be straight up and call him on it. Obviously, be polite about it. You can do it in a joking kind of way, or make that the new conversation...what's okay to talk about on a second/third/whatever date.

TryToDoWha-
tsRight

Dating Pro

Posts: 320
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Post Re: QUESTIONS!!!
on: April 19, 2013, 1:27 PM

What type of hashkafa questions are good to ask?

Cherry

Dating Maven

Posts: 98
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Post Re: QUESTIONS!!!
on: April 22, 2013, 5:37 AM

wht is so wrong with asking hashkafic questions even on the first date??? I wana know hashkafos before I start feeling emotionally attached.. like lol of course you dn't ask how many kids he plans on having or anything like that.. but like chinuch, tv, movies pas yisroel ect.. things like tht are a major deal breaker...
I wanna understand why hashkafic questions are a major no no... I can't quite get my head around it.. can someone please explain..

pray today

Dating Maven

Posts: 168
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Post Re: QUESTIONS!!!
on: April 23, 2013, 10:20 PM

Yeah I hear you! Shidduchim has so many rules it could sometimes make your head spin.

iThink

Dating Pro

Posts: 311
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Post Re: QUESTIONS!!!
on: April 24, 2013, 11:10 PM

Cherry makes a good point. While it is important not to let things get to heavy right in the beginning, sometimes bringing up certain deal-breaker points is the right thing to do, if you wanna avoid wasting both of your time.

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