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Author Topic: Pictures
Esther

Dating Maven

Posts: 79
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What do you think of giving the boy a picture if he asks for it? A shadchan asked me for a picture and I said "sorry it's against my Hashkafos" Am I crazy? 😉

shono

Dater

Posts: 14
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i agree that it is horrible giving boys pictures but at the same time if u look at it from the boys perspective if they can get a girl who gives a picture and one who doesnt, who do u think they will choose? and they will also think what do they have to hide? i know a girl who refuses to give a picture and she has been having the hardest time having a girl say yes to her... as much as it is horrible and against your hashkafos it might need to be done unfortunately...

Bayla

Dating Maven

Posts: 84
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Esther, many times the picture is for the Shadchan and not the boy. You can send a picture to a Shadchan and tell her to please not show it to a boy without your permission. Also, shono has a good point. Maybe you should give a picture...why stop yourself from getting a date?

tryingsoha-
rd

Dater

Posts: 41
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Esther, before you said that it's against your Hashkafos, did you ask a rav/mentor? I can't think of any makor that would forbid you from sending a picture to a shadchan or potential marriage candidate....

heyhey

Dating Maven

Posts: 191
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what is wrong with a picture????!!!! show off your good looks hun! it's a gift from the ONE above. and plus beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. if it is meant for him to think you are pretty he will.

Esther

Dating Maven

Posts: 79
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Wow, you're all making it seem like I'm the only one out there who doesn't feel comfortable sharing my picture with a boy I may never date, (and all his friends and roommates for all I know!). I have lots of friends who feel this way. I just don't think it's Tznius!

iyHByU

Dater

Posts: 4
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Esther,
I agree with you!!
most BY girls do also

meant2be

Dater

Posts: 20
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Esther, you are right, its not technically tznius to send a pic, but the dating world has changed. Boys ask for pics and in my opinion, I would rather the boy see what I look like prior to the date so at he can decide whether he is interested or not. this saves me from going through the process of dating him when after 5 min of the date he has already decided he is not interested because he is not attracted. Its a sad world we live in that we get judged so critically on appearance alone and not personality. There are plenty of guys that are not superficial and dont ask for a pic so dont worry. I would recommend that at least the shadchun sees a pic but tell her she CAN NOT send it out without your PERMISSION. Hatzlacha!!

dancer90

Dating Pro

Posts: 208
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one shadchan i met kept telling me that im really pretty and if i mind if she sends out a pic. so i said ok no problem. a few days later she asked me for another picture. so i sent one... a few days later she told me to send her a bunch and shell pick which ones she likes! THAT was crossing the line. 😐

feigy123

Dating Coach

Posts: 553
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I think sending a picture is disgusting, but I sort of agree with meanttobe. My brother says he usually knows if he'll agree to a second date by the time he walks out the door of her house.

Avigail

Dating Maven

Posts: 130
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I'm laughing out loud dancer90! 😀 I had a very similar story! The Shadchan kept on asking for more pictures....now if that's not insulting, what is? 😕 I tried not to take it personally though since I think I'm pretty good looking...maybe she shows certain boys sophisticated looking pictures and others more casual. Who knows? It is crazy though. I wonder if it was the same Shadchan.... 😛

dancer90

Dating Pro

Posts: 208
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lol ya i wonder... was just weird cuz she kept telling me im so pretty. i guess she had he rown idea of what a good picture is.

life123

Dating Pro

Posts: 324
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A shadchan once asked me for a picture - not at the boy's request. I wouldn't have given it for that. The shadchan said that the family had a lot of names, and if they had a picture, my resume would mean more, and they would actually consider it.

Princess-
Lea

Dating Pro

Posts: 223
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I am disgusted by this prevalence of asking for photos. Don't give me "It's a different world." You know what's different? People who are not familiar with the shidduch system have bought into it and made it into a mockery of its original purpose.

I have given out photos, and I am never happy to. My policy is if a guy wants to shidduch date, then you shidduch date. Meaning, someone calls you up, gushes about a girl, and he goes on a date. He wants to see what she looks like? Then don't shidduch date. Check out the girls and ask one out.

Rabbi Yisroel Reisman had a recent shiur on this expresses his anger over this asking for photos practice. "You can ask for a photo . . . after the first date. Take a picture while you are on the date!"

I'm too chicken to say anything to a shadchan. I applaud you for your answer; it is really on target.

iluvmetunz

Dater

Posts: 9
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on: February 10, 2013, 5:50 PM

I hate the idea of giving a picture of myself to a shadchan and even more to a boy. But i asked a mentor and she said do it your way and the boys/shadchans way first give just a resume then if they ask for a picture say you would rather not and if they give you a hard time then send it but first try and see if they will do it without one.
and to princess-lea I do agree with you if a boy wants a to see a picture of you he can wait till the date... some people just don't look like their pictures!!!

cool nerd

Dater

Posts: 44
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on: February 14, 2013, 12:03 AM

While I don't love sending pictures, I don't fight it. What I found more annoying was finding out that a "friend" was giving out my picture to shadchanim without my permission.

Bracha613

Dating Maven

Posts: 175
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on: February 14, 2013, 12:05 AM

That's weird how did that happen? What was your friend doing talking to the shadchan? Was it a good picture at least?

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