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Author Topic: Phone Date
imyirtzeha-
shembyu

Dater

Posts: 46
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Post Phone Date
on: December 25, 2013, 8:07 PM

Anyone have experience with a phone date (particularly in yeshivah circles)?

thinkingBY-
girl

Dating Coach

Posts: 607
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Post Re: Phone Date
on: December 25, 2013, 11:06 PM

What number date is your phone date?

imyirtzeha-
shembyu

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Posts: 46
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Post Re: Phone Date
on: December 25, 2013, 11:28 PM

I was wondering about a first date before the boy comes from overseas for a real date

imyirtzeha-
shembyu

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Post Re: Phone Date
on: December 25, 2013, 11:42 PM

actually, I want to clarify...
I was asking really if in yeshivish circles, when dating long distance, and the shadchan recommends that you speak on the phone first....
How long is the convo suppose to be and what should talk about.
Is this at all a normal concerpt?

HappyToBe

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Post Re: Phone Date
on: December 25, 2013, 11:43 PM

I had phone dates once before when we were further along and far away. We had close to 2 weeks in between dates 6 and 7, so we had two phone dates about an hour long. It was okay, not great. That may have to do though with other factors in this specific experience (i.e. didn't like his looks, and the phone takes that away- for better or for worse!) I think phone dates can be good but it is not nearly as helpful in the process of moving things along as a face to face date. by phone the emphasis was more "Are we right on paper?" than "Are we right for each other in all ways?" (Do I like him? respect him? enjoy being with him? or embarrassed to be seen with him? like how he looks?- these are all important pieces that are likely missing in a phone date) It can be appropriate in certain situations, but in my opinion it is not ideal, and major stuff should be discussed when together- non-verbal and verbal communication is important. I hope I didn't confuse you, this is just from my experience. It is best to have a mentor that one can speak to about your specific situation. Hatzlacha!

HappyToBe

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Post Re: Phone Date
on: December 25, 2013, 11:46 PM

Just saw what you were referring to... I have heard about it and yes it is normal especially if the boy is overseas. I have no idea about how long the accepted conversation is. I would imagine it is meant to see if it is worth it for the boy to travel- therefore probably at least 10-15 minutes.

imyirtzeha-
shembyu

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Post Re: Phone Date
on: December 26, 2013, 12:01 AM

got ya. thanks happytobe!
anyone else have else have experience with phone dates (especially at the very beginning)- specifically how long and about what...

thinkingBY-
girl

Dating Coach

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Post Re: Phone Date
on: December 26, 2013, 1:02 PM

Thanks for clarifying. It's very different when you're phone dating in the very beginning vs. after you've actually met each other. A phone date later along serves a different purpose than one in the beginning. Further in the process you might have a phone date because there will be too much time between dates otherwise. It helps keep the dynamic, etc. An initial phone date preempts a date. From the little that you can tell on the phone, you're both asked to make the decision if you think it might work out rather than having one party travel far with zero prior information and it perhaps being a complete waste of time. There aren't any rules here about what you have to talk about and how long it should be. If you're not sure what the expectations are for this phone date, don't be shy to ask the shadchan what s/he told the guy and what he's expecting. Good luck!

sem613

Dating Maven

Posts: 134
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Post Re: Phone Date
on: May 1, 2014, 9:26 PM

k. i'm freaking out here. date #4 is going to be a phone date since he's from out of town, and neither of us is able to travel this weekend (we had been doing weekly sunday dates).
I HATE phone calls, plus whenever we speak on the phone its way harder, any ideas to make this less awkward?

Gevaldig

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Post Re: Phone Date
on: May 6, 2014, 11:19 AM

sem613- how'd it go? I'm nervous too about phone dates and would love to hear some tips or suggestions how to make them less awkward.

sem613

Dating Maven

Posts: 134
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Post Re: Phone Date
on: May 6, 2014, 11:50 AM

So it was really not that bad, only a few awkward silences, and you have to be more careful about not interrupting or speaking over each other. It did not last nearly as long as our normal dates do (it was only an hour), and we were not able to discuss anything too real. Remember we already met multiple times, so we just continued some light conversations, spoke about school/work etc.
I actually went to my backyard and paced around my backyard while talking to help calm me down.

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