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Author Topic: Names
Debbs

Dater

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Post Names
on: March 5, 2013, 11:14 PM

i just had this boy redt to me and he sounds like a really awesome catch...im just wondering what the story is with first names of boys....he has 2 names and his first name is my fathers first name too. his second name is not...the shidduch got redt to my side first so i got first dibs, and im waiting to see if theres a yes on the other side...the boys a bit older, so hes looking to get married more than anything else, and he seems like the perfect guy for me, exactly what im looking for and all that. (if the info is true, which BH we had good sources this time). im wondering if he would be willing to change his name to the second name....do ppl usually do that???

Cherry

Dating Maven

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Post Re: Names
on: March 5, 2013, 11:40 PM

there's nothing halachically wrong with him having the same name as your father. it's a 'meshuga'as'. hatzlocha!! hope all wrks out for the best.. 😀 😀

bygirl

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Post Re: Names
on: March 5, 2013, 11:56 PM

yeah, i'm pretty sure it's much more of an issue w the mothers name...
AAAAAH!! OMG!! G'LUCK!! 🙂

Cherry

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Post Re: Names
on: March 6, 2013, 1:03 AM

to back up what bygirl said: the possible reason why it's more an 'issue' (meshugas) with the boy's mother's name. since a guy's kibud av v'em still applies after marriage, whereas a woman is obligated to abide by her husband before her parents.

Bracha

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Post Re: Names
on: March 6, 2013, 8:02 AM

I'm pretty sure it's a problem with boys names too. I have a friend whose husband has the same first name as her father. So what they did is, is they told the husband that he has to start using his second name also. So now every one calls him by two names. Hope this helps.

Princess-
Lea

Dating Pro

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Post Re: Names
on: March 6, 2013, 11:21 AM

According to Taamei Minhagim, the concern is about the mother's name, and the reason they give is really weak; it doesn't even apply today. My sister has two names, and is known as the Hebrew version of her mother-in-law's English name. Those sort of things stop being an issue when one is single and 25.

Date away. Names are only an issue if one chooses to make it an issue.

Cherry

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Post Re: Names
on: March 6, 2013, 1:33 PM

Bracha your friend is Sadly misguided.

Bracha

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Post Re: Names
on: March 6, 2013, 4:03 PM

1. It's not from Tammai Minhagim it's from R' Yehuda Hadhasid 2. I am sure that they asked a Rav first. People don't just change their names without making sure they have to first.

Cherry

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Post Re: Names
on: March 6, 2013, 4:41 PM

Sometimes a rav may advise on shalom and help them through situations like a mentor he's Not nes always paskening Halacha. This should have been clarified with your friend at the time. Obviously it wasn't.

basyisroel

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Post Re: Names
on: March 6, 2013, 6:46 PM

Please don't pasken based on what you read on this website! This website is useful for discussion but no one here is a Rav so please ask a Rav before doing anything that might be be halachically not permissible. If it's allowed then the Rav will tell you it's fine. And if it's not allowed then you'll be saved from having done the wrong thing.

Cherry

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Post Re: Names
on: March 6, 2013, 7:47 PM

Bas Yisroel: most definitely so! thanks for pointing it out 😉

Bracha

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Post Re: Names
on: March 6, 2013, 10:58 PM

Alright.........For anybody who doubted me.............My father looked it up for me.
It's in Tzavis R' Yehuda Hachasid number 26 and 27 and I quote
לא ישא אשה ששמה כשם אמו או שמו כשם חמיו26 (Someone should not marry a lady who has the same name as his mother, or if he has the same name as her father)
27 ואם נשאה ישנה שם האחד אולי יש תקוה.(If they alreay get married one of them should change their name - which is what my friends husband did.)
As you can see it goes both ways for the boy and the girl.
If anyone is trying to think of what Bracha to give me for being Choshed Biksheirim ...... 😉

It starts with a CHO..... 😛

bygirl

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Post Re: Names
on: March 7, 2013, 12:48 AM

wow, that's so nice that you found us the source...good to know!

life123

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Post Re: Names
on: March 7, 2013, 9:42 AM

a good shidduch comes up with these names you should ask a rav... i know people who married those with a parents name and built BNBs anyway.

Princess-
Lea

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Post Re: Names
on: March 7, 2013, 1:42 PM

Bracha: She didn't change her name. Her name is Sorah, and was always known as such, and her mother-in-law's name is Sarah, and was always known as such.

Bracha

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Post Re: Names
on: March 7, 2013, 2:39 PM

1. I didn't say everyone follows R' Yehuda Hachasid I just said that seemingly there is no difference bet. the boy or the girl. 2. You said that that is just her mother in law's english name, so that might make a difference.

Cherry

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Post Re: Names
on: March 7, 2013, 6:50 PM

Brocha you're right... thanks for bringing in the proof that it's not just a meshugas but actually an opinion.. 😉
chas veshalom would I ever mean to be choshed biksheira on you or anyone else.. we were simply having a discussion and stating what we thought was right.. noth at all personally directed at you in any shape or form. I sincerely apologize and ask for your forgiveness if you were hurt in any way 😐
and yes may you merrit to find the right one very very soon and be zoiche to build a bayis ne'eman B'yisrael 🙂 and that goes for the rest of klal yisrael too.

Princesslea- some are machmir, some are meikel, like R' Moshe Feinstien was meikel, his son in law -Moshe Tedler.

Bracha

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Post Re: Names
on: March 7, 2013, 7:43 PM

Oh don't worry about it cherry I was just joking around.
P.S. Thanks for the bracha!
P.P.S.Very interesting point about R' Moshe!

chaykie

Dating Coach

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Post Re: Names
on: March 21, 2013, 1:38 PM

It obviously depends who you hold by. I think my family holds that as long as (let's say) father and son in law are called by two diff names, or even a variation of the same name (i.e. one is calles yisroel and the other is sruly) then it's ok. or if one is yisroel moshe and goes by yisroel, and the other is yisroel moshe, and goes by moish- i think we hold that that's fine too. but like i said, depends who you hold by.

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