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Author Topic: Is It Just Me!?
Bracha

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Post Is It Just Me!?
on: June 6, 2013, 7:55 PM

Is it just me or is it normal to go out VERY rarely? ๐Ÿ˜• I've been dating for a bit and it's so rare to get a date! Is there something I should be doing that everyone else is doing? Or is it normal to go out like once a year??.

basmelech

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Post Re: Is It Just Me!?
on: June 6, 2013, 8:07 PM

I was wondering the same thing... I guess each person has a certain number of dates to go on before they meet the right one. So a few a year should just simplify matters ( I think) ๐Ÿ˜‰

in the gap

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Post Re: Is It Just Me!?
on: June 6, 2013, 11:03 PM

I could tell you that based on my experience as well as my siblings and friends that it really depends on the girl. Most of my friends go out rarely, and often meet one of the first ones. The others go out all the time, but don't necessarily get married earlier. Each girl is different based on what Hashem decides is best for the girl. To go out rarely you don't have to constantly get your hopes up for no reason, nor do you need to waste all the time involved.
To go out more often allows one to feel "remembered" and like people care about her, but it is also very draining emotionally and physically.

Princess-
Lea

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Post Re: Is It Just Me!?
on: June 7, 2013, 9:48 AM

I once didn't have a date for nearly a year. Same thing by my sister (she's been married for quite some time).

Frequency in dating does not mean better odds at meeting the right guy. Even pointless dates have a purpose, I've found, they are an education, and I see the hand of the Eibishter in my bad dates as well as the good ones. Suddenly, once day, you'll go out with the right one. If one sees hashgocha pratis, they will be zoche to hashgocha pratis.

daysfan24

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Post Re: Is It Just Me!?
on: June 7, 2013, 12:56 PM

I hear ya bracha- though I've been quite a number of dates since the beginning of when I started. I do have to say its not about quantity but quality after all.. But yeah, I think its normal. Sometimes I can get many offers for a date within the time frame of a few weeks and get nothing for quite a number of months and then I start calling and reminding people again. I guess it depends just on how much networking your really going to put in and how much your going to sit back and just wait with emunah- (of coarse with the right balance of doing hishtadlus etc.. )

feigy123

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Post Re: Is It Just Me!?
on: June 7, 2013, 12:58 PM

I heard that everyone has a certain number of dates they are born with, and when they use them all up, then they die. Like words, you know. So it is good to not go on many dates.

patcha

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Post Re: Is It Just Me!?
on: June 7, 2013, 1:02 PM

I heard that before the bas kol calls the matches, the malachim make suggestions, and you need to go out with every suggestion before you get to the right one. (this is not a joke. I heard this from my favorite high school chumash teacher)
So every date is a step closer to the right one.

It seems there is a chalukei deios in the inyan.

feigy123

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Post Re: Is It Just Me!?
on: June 7, 2013, 1:08 PM

So you're saying that even the malachim couldn't figure me out?

patcha

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Post Re: Is It Just Me!?
on: June 7, 2013, 1:14 PM

Quote from feigy123 on June 7, 2013, 1:08 PM
So you're saying that even the malachim couldn't figure me out?

At one point, I was telling this to my sister, and saying that maybe some of them they couldn't figure out. So she said you would never let someone else decide anyway, you probably came up with some suggestions yourself.
I said, ืขืงื™ื‘ื” ื ื—ืžืชื ื™ ืขืงื™ื‘ื” ื ื—ืžืชื ื™. (yes that is a Gemara reference)

feigy123

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Post Re: Is It Just Me!?
on: June 7, 2013, 1:22 PM

lolol

basmelech

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Post Re: Is It Just Me!?
on: June 9, 2013, 12:40 AM

Quote from feigy123 on June 7, 2013, 12:58 PM
I heard that everyone has a certain number of dates they are born with, and when they use them all up, then they die. Like words, you know. So it is good to not go on many dates.

Never heard this before. I know someone who went on like 55 dates, and then got married. Shes still alive b"H until 120 iy"H. Faigy I suggest you write sources before you say something like this people might take you serious. ๐Ÿ˜‰

chaykie

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Post Re: Is It Just Me!?
on: June 10, 2013, 9:45 AM

I'll tell you something. I know two sisters (i'm good friends with the younger of the two). Each of them had a totally different dating situation. They are both terrific girls, b'emes. The older one, when she got home from sem, was so worried, though, that if she wasn't going out with someone, it meant that her parents weren't working hard enough for her to get married. She pressured them, ended up going out with 18 guys in two years, married the 18th one, but she was so stressed from all that dating. Her sister, the one i'm good friends with, went out with three guys over the 3 years she was home from sem (she was 21 when she got engaged), and she got married to that 3rd boy. And let me just say, she was so the type that wanted to get married, it's not like she didn't try so hard cuz she was fine with being single, that's just the way she is. And she was happy that she didn't have to be stressed from so much dating! I'm more like her. I mean, i've seriously been dreaming of marriage ever since i was 6 yrs old (i am not kidding), but I think right now i have a good balance of hishtadlus vs. being chilled that it'll happen. And yeah, I heard the midrash about the malachim. I would just like to explain for Feigy, Hashem asked the malachim for their opinions about who this neshama should marry, although He obviously already knew who it would be. It's the same thing in beraishis, when Hashem said "Na'aseh adam" (i think that's where it was). Hashem didn't really need the malachims help, but it was to teach us humbleness (as far as i can remember). Anyway, so the malachim suggest (or as I heard, they guess), but since their words are so kadosh, you have to go out with the people they suggested.

chaykie

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Post Re: Is It Just Me!?
on: June 10, 2013, 9:49 AM

and feigy that thing about using up dates, it doesn't make sense to me. can you explain further? even if someone does go out 55 times, and that's all they were allowed to date, if they get engaged on that 55th time, the next step is marriage, hopefully not death. Unless ur only talking about a case where someone, according to Hashem's plan, is not meant to be married? In that case, although i still find it not so clear, it makes a little more sense. I assume that if Hashem plans for someone to get married after 100 dates, that 100th date will be the one that the couple gets engaged. And hopefully they'll both make it to the chuppah. so not sure where you heard this from or with regards to what kind of person...some clarification would help ๐Ÿ™‚

feigy123

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Post Re: Is It Just Me!?
on: June 10, 2013, 9:59 AM

I was kidding.

basmelech

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Post Re: Is It Just Me!?
on: June 10, 2013, 3:15 PM

Feigy123

I was kidding

That clarifies matters. ๐Ÿ˜‰
(Please be careful with your jokes, people might get hurt from them. ๐Ÿ˜ )

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