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Author Topic: How to describe what im looking for?
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Shidduchim

Dater

Posts: 13
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Post How to describe what im looking for?

HI,
I'm new here and would like to start off by saying I'm from a bit more modern back round but am pretty solid hashkafa wise and went to sem. and "flipped out a bit" but not in the way i dress cuz that is the way i grew up to look very put together and sharp.
With that said as soon as people see me they right away suggest a more" modern boy" , based on my appearance and my family back round.
Some will ask and and some will assume that they know exactly what im looking for and sometimes they are way off. Of course i have only gone out a few times but i get the picture.
Can someone please help figure out how to express what i am really looking for?
My parents aren't much of a help even though they are crazy supportive of who i am and who i want to be.
I just want a good solid boy who is not drowning in material things. Someone who wants to grow. Whenever i mention that they all say " do yo want to live in tzafat?"
Please tell me the right catch phrases and the like....

feigy123

Dating Coach

Posts: 553
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Post Re: How to describe what im looking for?

Why don't you picture for yourself what the guy you are looking for looks like. Do you know any men (maybe your friends' husbands) who are like that? Have you ever met someone who is like that?

If you can do that, then you will know how to describe them. Or if you still can't ask your friends how that person would be described.

And, if you discover that your dream guy lives in tzfas, then go for it. Live in tzfas.

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Shidduchim

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Post Re: How to describe what im looking for?

is that ok to look at my friends husbands?
also if i met someone like that of course i would describe him or tell them but who said they will know him? i need some of those generic terms to tell people?
I love tzafat but all i was saying is that the second you mention "wanting to grow" e/o thinks you are all spiritual and reallt not in the mood of explaining EVERY Time what i mean...
thanx

feigy123

Dating Coach

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Post Re: How to describe what im looking for?

I think you missed what I was saying. I meant that if you are aware of other men who fit the characteristics of what you are looking for, then you can ask someone else how those men are properly described. You should be able to do this without "looking at" your friends husbands.

Also, of course you can look at your friends husbands. Anyone who told you that you cannot is probably Catholic.

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Lea

Dating Pro

Posts: 223
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Post Re: How to describe what im looking for?

People are not going to "get" you even if you use Mapquest directions to show what you are looking for. That's an occupational hazard. Every person is a world unto oneself, and describing that is not always possible.

We all get hits and misses when it comes to dating. Your desire for a non-materialistic boy who wants to grow can apply to any sort of background, even "modern."

When it comes to criteria like that, people don't exactly advertise. Your best bet is to stay open and find out for yourself what someone's hashkafa is.

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girl

Dating Coach

Posts: 607
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Post Re: How to describe what im looking for?

Quote from Princess Lea on February 6, 2013, 11:05 AM
People are not going to "get" you even if you use Mapquest directions to show what you are looking for. That's an occupational hazard. Every person is a world unto oneself, and describing that is not always possible.

We all get hits and misses when it comes to dating. Your desire for a non-materialistic boy who wants to grow can apply to any sort of background, even "modern."

When it comes to criteria like that, people don't exactly advertise. Your best bet is to stay open and find out for yourself what someone's hashkafa is.

Nicely said!

Shaindy

Dating Maven

Posts: 67
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Post Re: How to describe what im looking for?

There are times that a boy will be described as a growing boy or a boy who is one way now but wants to get "shtarker" the real truth though is that there is no way to know until you actually meet him and see how sincere he really it.

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