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Author Topic: Getting "over" your date
devorah123

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Posts: 14
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Post Getting "over" your date
on: November 26, 2013, 12:52 AM

Hey guys!
Any tips on how to get over your date in a healthy way??? I really really liked him... 🙁 🙁 🙁 I keep dreaming that somehow we'll end up dating again, but I know this is not a realistic or healthy way to continue on. (I won't go into new dates with a clear head, if he gets engaged I'll be devastated...) I know I sound a bit crazy but c'mon we all have emotions and feelings...HELPPP!!!

Princess-
Lea

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Posts: 223
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Post Re: Getting "over" your date
on: November 26, 2013, 9:35 AM

Sometimes I hope he'll get engaged, because then I'll know for sure he wasn't for me. That's how I got over one guy.

It is really hard. I went out with a guy months ago, and even though I know that I barely knew him, and if I really knew him then who knows if I would feel the same way, I still fantasize.

Then it doesn't help when I hear a bunch of stories about how the guy said no then came back and they lived married ever after.

I say it is all bashert, whether I end up with him or someone who is really for me, but my imagination doesn't seem to care.

If you get good advice, let me know.

daysfan24

Dating Maven

Posts: 134
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Post Re: Getting "over" your date
on: November 26, 2013, 11:46 AM

What helps me is by moving on to someone else that can grab my attention! Granted it, if you don't have any potentials then it's hard.

What also helps me is by really thinking hard about it- I want to marry someone who's going to be crazy about me, if the guy said no, it obviously wasn't basheret, but besides why would I go after someone who didn't want me? It's still really hard, you can't help stop your emotions. But, just think the person who is your basheret will be just as crazy about you, as you are to him!

basmelech

Dating Coach

Posts: 408
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Post Re: Getting "over" your date
on: November 26, 2013, 5:27 PM

Yup its not so easy. i happen to like when they say no, because then i dont have to think did i make the right decision...

Gayil

Dating Maven

Posts: 63
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Post Re: Getting "over" your date
on: November 26, 2013, 6:51 PM

Basmelech! I fully agree w u. I rather the guy say no. that way its a clear decision &it was meant to b. There was one guy I went out a LONG time ago & I still sometimes think did I make the right decision. It is sooo bad. & e/o told me once u date others ull forget abt him but I still sometimes think abt him.. Hashem shud help us all & give us clarity to make our decision!:)

thinkingBY-
girl

Dating Coach

Posts: 607
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Post Re: Getting "over" your date
on: November 26, 2013, 7:03 PM

Break-ups are hard!! Sometimes it doesn't matter if you were the one to say no in the end, it's just the fact that whatever you had, all the time and emotion you shared, seems like it's for naught. Depending on how involved you were with the other person, sometimes it helps to realize that even if you had to end things/things had to end, it doesn't negate what you had. Your (now past) relationship still means something, and hopefully you gained something from the experience. Also, you have to be cognizant of the fact that it all happened for a reason. You may be able to figure some of that reason at some point later down the line, but you'll never know the full cheshbon. It's one of those things that you just have to realize that Hashem has your ultimate best in mind. It's the only way to live your life. You have to know that G-d has your back.

It's easy and natural to get really down about it, and you should let yourself be okay with that feeling. You're human, and you have emotions for a reason. Don't fight it or feel guilty about it. It could make things worse if you bottle it up and/or numb yourself. That being said, you don't want to stay in a funk, because that's not healthy or helpful either. But, give yourself time. We sometimes want to stay down when we're down, but there's really no use staying on the ground. You have to get up, brush yourself off, and come up swinging eventually. Tell yourself that you're on to bigger and better things.

Distractions help a lot; pick up a hobby, get back into something you haven't had time for in awhile... Talking about things helps too. Let out all your emotions. Don't feel stupid to let yourself be mad, sad, disappointed, annoyed, etc. Don't over-analyze your relationship though, that could be detrimental. You'll get stuck in the past; you need him out of your head. Try not to think about him so much. If you're having difficulty with that, you could try "thought stopping" exercises. (PM if you want details on those.) They really work. Get rid of everything that reminds you of him. It's painful, but it hurts more in the long run to hold onto all of it.

Finally, time is pain's greatest healer. Give yourself time. The hurt/longing/negative emotions will fade. Depending on how serious/intense your relationship/break-up was, don't jump into another relationship right away. If it wasn't super intense, it could help to get right back on the horse if possible. But, keep in mind that rebounds just make things a whole lot worse.

Life's not meant to be easy. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

alizawolf

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Post Re: Getting "over" your date
on: January 25, 2014, 11:25 PM

I dated someone within the last 6 months and I really liked him. We actually both liked each other...but we dated too quickly (because of traveling involved, we had many dates close together) so he said no..I was really really upset (I thought we would get engaged) I still think that maybe we will go out again in the future. Is it unhealthy to think about it? Do others have similar experiences?

itpy

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Posts: 27
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Post Re: Getting "over" your date
on: January 28, 2014, 7:27 PM

i just ended something too I really liked him even though we only went out a few times! I know its obviously not bashert but I just feel INSULTED that he said no to me ... I keep thinking of all the maybe silly things I may have said on the date that turned him off...! Why am I taking this no sooo personally ? its so hard!!! anyone have chizuk for me ??

todarabbah

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Posts: 36
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Post Re: Getting "over" your date
on: January 30, 2014, 12:30 AM

Itpy, you are not alone! Of course you're insulted and everyone wants to be liked back especially if they liked the person. It's a major bruise to the ego and also hurts even more if you were emotionally invested. It takes time and getting over someone cannot be forced. Iyh you will find someone who likes you for you and all the "silly" things you say. When your basheret comes, this guy won't matter to you anymore and you'll be thrilled that you were accepted and valued for e.t. that you are. They'll like you at least as much as you like them and all your pain will almost be worth it. Stay strong!

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