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Author Topic: Gerim
Debbs

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Post Gerim
on: March 3, 2013, 12:02 AM

sooo....i have a big question...
if you were redt to someone that has a parent that is a ger, or is a ger himself, but grew up frum his whole life, would you consider the date???

dancer90

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Post Re: Gerim
on: March 3, 2013, 12:24 AM

is his parent a ger or he himself? makes a difference i think. if he is a ger how is he frum his whole life? unless his mother converted when he was a baby or before he was born.. not familiar with the halachos. gerim are very special and were by matan torah just like everyone else in benei yisrael. the question is does he have relatives that are goyim? would you be embarassed at your wedding? if he himself is what you are looking for than you can give it a shot...its really a personal thing that you would have to decide for yourself. we dont know your background so its hard to say. generally i dont think a typical bais yakov girl would consider a ger but to each their own. hatzlacha!

TryToDoWha-
tsRight

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Post Re: Gerim
on: March 3, 2013, 12:40 AM

If he has a parent that's a ger, it's a lot like someone who has a parent that's a baal teshuva. And don't most of us have that? I think it kind've makes him grow up in a more spiritually real environment, as opposed to some ffbs who do everything by rote. If he himself was a ger but grew up frum his whole life, then he probably is pretty solid in his yiddishkeit, like most ffbs. however, you have to consider this: like dancer90 said, "does he have relatives who are goyim? would you be embarrassed at your wedding? ect"
I could be totally wrong here, but it sounds like his mother was a geyores shortly after she gave birth to him and then converted him when he was a baby and he chose to remain Jewish/reconvert when he was bar mitzva. thats the halacha. I know people like that and they are very solid jews. If you feel your hashkafos are in line with him and the things dancer90 brought up aren't an issue, and you wouldn't feel like you are "settling" (I don't think marrying a ger is, just saying that some people do) then I would go for it. Just make sure you check him out well. Good Luck!

Debbs

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Post Re: Gerim
on: March 3, 2013, 1:07 AM

actually, i am a regular typical bais yaakov girl. are you saying that bais yaakov girls dont marry gerim? theyre only left for the atypical jewish kind?

bygirl

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Post Re: Gerim
on: March 3, 2013, 1:31 AM

hmmm, sadly, it seems that the frum bais yaakov world is not "open minded" enough to have established that it's "normal" to marry a ger, so yeah, in general bais yaakov girls dont. this is not necessary a positive thing about our world. I think it's healthy to be open to that. Obviously, like trytodowhatsright says,your hashkafos have to be in line with his. but if it sounds like he's a solid boy who's what youre looking for in a husband, than i think it's beautiful to marry a ger!

thinkingBY-
girl

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Post Re: Gerim
on: March 3, 2013, 3:06 AM

One of the things you need to look into in situations in which the boy himself is a ger or a parent is a ger is the details of the conversion. Many times circumstances may be complicated and the geirus questionable leading to many severe problems.

Bracha613

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Post Re: Gerim
on: March 3, 2013, 9:57 AM

Cmon everyone where is your Ahavas Yisroel? How is Moshiach going to come if that's how we feel about other Yidden? Besides if you have to compromise on something isn't this a better thing to compromise on then lets say how many years he'll be learning for?

InShidduch-
imFollower

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Post Re: Gerim
on: March 3, 2013, 10:09 AM

i agree, ahavas yisroel! if the geirus is done smoothly, why not????

patcha

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Post Re: Gerim
on: March 3, 2013, 6:55 PM

Does he have Yiras Shaymayinm? Is he healthy? What type of family did he grow up in? Does he have goals in life? Is he normal emotionally and socially? He would get judged on the same factors I judge all boys on.

iThink

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Post Re: Gerim
on: March 3, 2013, 7:04 PM

To me it bakes a huge difference if the boy himself is a ger, or if his parents are, and he was raised frum his whole life. I could consider the latter, if I know it was a 100% kosher Geirus.

cool nerd

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Post Re: Gerim
on: March 3, 2013, 7:44 PM

Bracha613, why is it considered compromising? If he is a full-fledged Jew with a legitimate geirus he should have the same opportunities offered to ffb's. It's so painful watching people who went through so much to convert go through life as outcasts.

iThink

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Post Re: Gerim
on: March 3, 2013, 7:54 PM

Quote from cool nerd on March 3, 2013, 7:44 PM
Bracha613, why is it considered compromising? If he is a full-fledged Jew with a legitimate geirus he should have the same opportunities offered to ffb's. It's so painful watching people who went through so much to convert go through life as outcasts.

Cool nerb - Maybe in a perfect world nobody would see it as compromising. But take for example the fact that you've probably giving up having a large family support system like most people. It's not nothing.

Bracha613

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Post Re: Gerim
on: March 3, 2013, 8:37 PM

Oh i don't think it is compromising at all. I was just saying that if you do feel like it is compromising that there are worse things to have to compromise on.

Cherry

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Post Re: Gerim
on: March 5, 2013, 5:26 PM

Look it is socially unacceptable and halachically incorrect to say that it's compromising. But in reality it is. You'll be giving up alot but there's tremendous sechar for it. If you don't wish to give yourself extra Nisyonos in life I wouldn't recommend it. It all depends on yours and his circumstances it's a very individualized decision to make when it comes to this and depends on a number of different factors that you have to answer for yourself.

Bracha613

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Post Re: Gerim
on: March 5, 2013, 7:25 PM

Cherry I really don't think it's compromising, especially if he his parents became Geirim when he was a baby and he grew up in a frum home.

Cherry

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Post Re: Gerim
on: March 5, 2013, 7:52 PM

it all boils down to yours and his circumstances... Each circumstance when it comes to this is very unique. Bracha613- yes in some cases it would absolutely be in other cases it wouldn't be that compromising but the reality is that there are still factors that would be no matter what... It's a very personalized thing that cannot be determined in generalized terms.

rosepetal5

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Post Re: Gerim
on: May 26, 2013, 4:38 PM

Quote from Cherry on March 5, 2013, 5:26 PM
Look it is socially unacceptable and halachically incorrect to say that it's compromising. But in reality it is. You'll be giving up alot but there's tremendous sechar for it. If you don't wish to give yourself extra Nisyonos in life I wouldn't recommend it.

What would she be giving up by marrying a Ger? As long as the Geirus was kosher and he's a frum Jew, what's compromising? I know quite a few Geirim and they are wonderful people. Believe me, it takes a lot of strength and bravery to convert to Judaism. It's not easy at all. A Ger may very well be a stronger, more put together person because of their experiences.

Also, there are plenty of people who were born Jewish who have non-Jewish relatives. What if a Baal Teshuva's family members didn't marry Jews and had non-Jewish children? In the end, don't worry about what they're going to think, or what they will do at the wedding. Why would it be embarrassing at the wedding? If you're ashamed to have non-Jewish relatives, you have a different problem to work out...

basmelech

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Post Re: Gerim
on: May 26, 2013, 9:22 PM

Quote from Bracha613 on March 3, 2013, 9:57 AM
Cmon everyone where is your Ahavas Yisroel? How is Moshiach going to come if that's how we feel about other Yidden? Besides if you have to compromise on something isn't this a better thing to compromise on then lets say how many years he'll be learning for?

Great points bracha613! And we must remember that Moshiach comes from a geyores -Rus! Thats how special they can become! 🙂 But dont forget to check out the family thoroughly...

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e02

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Post Re: Gerim
on: September 28, 2013, 10:23 PM

Absolutely. I dated a ger for a while. Do make sure the geirus is legitimate, but other than that it should not even be a question or issue. I think geirim are to be admired for voluntarily taking on ol malchus shamayim. Think about it: if you hadn't been born frum, or even Jewish, and grew up going to McDonald's all the time, etc, would you really choose to give that up?

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