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Author Topic: Friends Broken Engagement
Shira

Dater

Posts: 29
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Post Friends Broken Engagement
on: July 5, 2013, 12:19 PM

I just found out that a friend of mine broke her engagement. I will probably see her in Shul on Shabbos I don't know what to do should I say anything to her or just ignore the whole thing? I'm not like best friends with her but I do know her quite well. Any tips??

patcha

Dating Coach

Posts: 445
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Post Re: Friends Broken Engagement
on: July 5, 2013, 12:38 PM

If you're close, invite her over, and if she wants to she'll come over and talk.

If you're not close, just treat her normally. Ask her about her job or siblings or anything so that she doesn't feel like you're only thinking about that.

partytime

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Post Re: Friends Broken Engagement
on: July 5, 2013, 1:53 PM

If your just friendly though, should you mention something to reference her broken engagement and what she is going through or just totally ignore and make believe it didn't happen... Basically, should you ignore that she is going through something major???

thinkingBY-
girl

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Post Re: Friends Broken Engagement
on: July 5, 2013, 2:10 PM

Be sensitive and treat it like you would any major thing that someone has to go through. If you aren't that close with her, don't all of a sudden pretend to be her best friend and tell her, "I'm here for you if you need to talk." You don't want her to feel like a nebach case, and it's none of your business. That kind of concern is selfish. It makes you feel better, not her.

If you are close with her, don't ignore what she's going through, but be extra cognizant of her feelings. Don't push her to talk, and don't ask nosy questions. Sometimes being there for a friend is just about being normal and hanging out with her like you normally would. The first time you see/speak to her since you heard about what happened you can say something to the extent, "I'm sorry, I can't even imagine what it's like for you." This shows you care about her without making it seem like she needs to talk about it. If she wants to, she'll talk about it.

Shira

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Posts: 29
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Post Re: Friends Broken Engagement
on: July 5, 2013, 2:56 PM

Quote from thinkingBYgirl on July 5, 2013, 2:10 PM
I'm sorry, I can't even imagine what it's like for you.

Great thing to say!
Thanks!

atararox

Dating Pro

Posts: 227
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Post Re: Friends Broken Engagement
on: July 5, 2013, 4:56 PM

She's prob not comf enuf to talk about it openly especially in shul. Maybe just be normal and don't say anything unless she brings it up you can be like " that must be really hard and just know I'm here for u if u wanna talk or just go out one night and have fun to get your mind off it etc."

happy gal

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Post Re: Friends Broken Engagement
on: July 6, 2013, 3:43 PM

I don't think anybody can judge what she is going through and that's why I think that if your not super close you shouldn't say anything. But I do think you should DO something. Like bring her by a plate of homemade chocolate chip cookies or a Starbucks coffee if you know she would appreciate it and write her a short letter ...like just thinking about you. That way she will know that you are there if she needs you yet at the same time you are not being intrusive.

gold

Dating Maven

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Post Re: Friends Broken Engagement
on: July 7, 2013, 10:39 PM

I second 'happy gal'. Even if you are not so close, whether to say something is your judgement call but i def. think you should DO someting like happy gal says.
On a side note, a few yrs ago I had a close friend who went thru a broken engagement, and the day that it happened she asked that me and another mutual friend come over. But we were very young and did not know how to deal with the whole situation; we sat there and my friend tried making stupid jokes and saying silly things, (in an effort to distract this poor girl and take her mind off of it) which she didnt realize were not appreciated. Afterwards, I realized that this friend really had to grieve and talk about the situation and what happened, because she was in a lot of pain and for many ppl the way to get over it is to talk about it (obv. being careful with shmiras halashon). So please realize that she needs time to dwell on the pain and it's not always best to ignore the whole thing and make it as if it never happened, but again it all depends on how close you are to her. Good Luck!

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