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Author Topic: Emotions before a date
devorah123

Dater

Posts: 14
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Post Emotions before a date
on: November 5, 2013, 4:14 PM

Baruch Hashem I have a date coming up and the boy sounds like just the kinda guy I'm looking for 🙂 My problem is, how to feel before the date. I WANT to feel really excited, but I'm scared that if the date doesn't go as well as I'm imagining, or if he says no to me then I will be so much more let down and depressed because I let myself get excited and have such high hopes. But on the other hand, my friend told me you are supposed to get really excited for a date and go in thinking this is the one. Any tips/suggestions for me? TIA!

thinkingBY-
girl

Dating Coach

Posts: 607
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Post Re: Emotions before a date
on: November 5, 2013, 6:36 PM

I really appreciate this question, because it's something that I think a lot of emotionally honest people struggle with. It's a tricky one! Truthfully, I think different approaches work for different people. It's partially a personality thing, so be true to yourself. How do you feel like feeling? Keeping in mind what you said about being super excited potentially leading to major disappointment in the end, realize also it's never helpful to be cynical and jaded. (Even though that's the extreme, perhaps.) It's a tricky balance. I hope that this guy is 'the one,' but if he's not, you may have to use trial and error. Learn from your experiences; see what works best for you. When do you feel better/less depressed -- when you put it all out there, psych yourself up, and know you gave it your best and then maybe it doesn't work out, or when you go in thinking that he may not be it and be pleasantly surprised if you go on another date (and another and another)? Maybe it has a little to do with what kind of effort you think you'll exert if you don't psych yourself up? Sometimes you can't help being excited, and that's a good thing! You want to give every date your best, right? So, my advice, everything in moderation. Yes, the higher the place you fall from, the more it hurts; however, if you're afraid to climb, you never get anywhere. I would suggest that you go into it feeling excited (but not to the point where you're thinking about your l'chaim before you ever meet the guy), and at the same time be cognizant of the fact that it may not work out. Hatzlacha!

life123

Dating Pro

Posts: 324
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Post Re: Emotions before a date
on: November 5, 2013, 9:15 PM

Before a date, I just keep telling myself that I like to meet new people, I like to get dressed up, and I like going to nice places... so I guess I am excited - it's like the feeling I get before I go to a wedding, go on vacation, or visit my cousins. I think that's a good way to get excited and in a good mood (so you give a happy appearance and therefore have a better time, psy speaking) without setting yourself up for disappointment. But while you should focus on the good things you heard, I would not get excited about a specific boy... it can be rather dangerous because until you may get a shock. Happened to me once... expected something and then the boy's face was disappointing (yes his personality matched his face) and of course that was a real jolt.

laykay

Dating Maven

Posts: 96
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Post Re: Emotions before a date
on: November 6, 2013, 12:48 PM

Honestly, and I'm not a cynical person, I learned never to get too excited. So far I had at least 5 guys that sounded perfect on paper, or at least perfect for me, and then I said no after 1 date and it really was not the type....And it's always a disappointment. I like to go in very parve. Not negative just pareve. Like let's see what it's all about and we'll take it from there type of attitude. That's what works for me at least. Idk if ur just starting to date. And iyh u should not have to deal with this stuff for too long but in general u learn with experience. I think a lot of girls are super pumped before their very first date so just be yourself and see where it goes. Don't put pressure on yourself.

daysfan24

Dating Maven

Posts: 134
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Post Re: Emotions before a date
on: November 6, 2013, 8:06 PM

Everyone's comments were right on. It really should be a balance but definitely don't get your hopes up to a great degree. I had SO many times I thought a particular guy was perfect on paper or word from mouth and it was so different when meeting someone. Go into it with all you got! Be positive. But definitely keep in mind that this may not work out.

bibliophil-
e02

Dating Maven

Posts: 134
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Post Re: Emotions before a date
on: November 16, 2013, 5:21 PM

For sure you should be excited! It is actually less likely to work out if you go in thinking it may not...and as for the disappointment, it comes with the territory. Yes, you are likely to get hurt. But that is true of most worthwhile things in life.

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