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Author Topic: dating different types
ek12

Dater

Posts: 37
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Post dating different types
on: January 27, 2014, 4:53 PM

just curious if there are others who do this....i think i've dated every type of guy there is....from learning forever to already working...yeshivish to more modern... funny thing is i can't say which type appeals to me more!

anyone else like this?

chaykie

Dating Coach

Posts: 466
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Post Re: dating different types
on: January 27, 2014, 7:35 PM

i don't think it's about which appeals to you more. It's about which type you need, which type fits in with your goals, values, what you want your life's focus to be. it could be you can go with a couple of different types (for ex: if you go out with someone yeshivish who's working/a bit more chilled, you may also go out with a guy who's a bit more "modern" but his learning/sedarim are so important to him and he has strong hashkafos- they both could be the type you are looking for.) But the way it sounds, and I don't mean to insult you in any way, it sounds like A) you don't really know what you want/need or B) ur desperate, so you'll take any guy that comes or C) you are so so laid back about it and don't really fit into any "box" yourself, so you are sooo chilled and don't care what type of guy you go out with (which is not necessarily inherently a bad thing, but can get very confusing and be very taxing). If you haven't read Shidduch Secrets/ Dating Secrets (same book) I suggest you do- it's very thorough in getting you to be honest with yourself and helping you figure out what would be the best type of guy for you personally. I read it once and I want to read it again. It's really great. Read the book, and if you can't get hold of it, at least take a pen and paper, right down 10 qualities that are very important to you, narrow it down to 3 qualities you will not give up on. That's one of the exercises in the book- if i remember correctly. But as I said, it's much more thorough. It just seems it's going to be that much harder for you if you are leaving yourself so many possibilities. I know it sounds funny, cuz it could be a good thing, but I just think in this case, you may end up going out with so many people and feeling so A) indecisive- cuz so many ppl would go well with you or B) frustrated that you're going out with so many guyz and just not figuring out why it's all not working out, cuz you don't have something solid to work with.
hatzlacha!

ek12

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Posts: 37
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Post Re: dating different types
on: January 27, 2014, 9:41 PM

dw chaykie i'm def not insulted! so to answer ur comments in order: a) i actually really do think i know what i want/need. i just feel like the fact that someone's classified as yeshivish or modern isn't enough of a reason for me to say ya/no. b) def not desperate. i have dated a lot of guys but generally cuz they sounded rly good on paper but i didn't like their personality, etc. c) u can possibly classify me as laid back. i guess im more of the open minded kind.
i don't feel burnt out...like yeah, i would wanna be married, but i find it interesting to meet diff ppl and even if theyre not for me, i don't think a date is sucha taxing experience. im pretty much just asking out of curiosity if this is a common trend
thanx!

sem613

Dating Maven

Posts: 134
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Post Re: dating different types
on: January 27, 2014, 10:10 PM

i hear what ek is saying, I'm on a line between the MO and the yeshivish world, so I end up going out with guys on both sides of the line. while i do know what I want in terms of working vs learning forever, i always give in to shadchanim pressuring me to go out with guys who aren't what I want in that way, but hey, you never know.
and i also just keep in mind: is he good for a friend of mine?

ek12

Dater

Posts: 37
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Post Re: dating different types
on: January 27, 2014, 10:30 PM

Quote from sem613 on January 27, 2014, 10:10 PM
i hear what ek is saying, I'm on a line between the MO and the yeshivish world, so I end up going out with guys on both sides of the line. while i do know what I want in terms of working vs learning forever, i always give in to shadchanim pressuring me to go out with guys who aren't what I want in that way, but hey, you never know.
and i also just keep in mind: is he good for a friend of mine?

it's funny u mention that cuz i also try 2 set up my friends with guys i've dated. that sometimes happens 5 minutes into the date....

chaykie

Dating Coach

Posts: 466
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Post Re: dating different types
on: February 1, 2014, 10:06 PM

sem613- you say ur between MO and yeshivish. isn't that just normal. I'm so not MO, but i'm also so not yeshivish. i'm just normal frum. like, frumkeit is important to me, spirituality is important to me, a connection with Hashem is so important to me, yet i wear denim skirts sometimes (like an inch or two below my knee) and colored nail polish- so i'm def not yeshivish. just normal frum. so is that like what ur saying?

sem613

Dating Maven

Posts: 134
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Post Re: dating different types
on: February 1, 2014, 10:56 PM

yes, but minus the denim skirts and colored nail polish, but that basic idea
unfortunately we live in a crazy world where people like giving labels

chaykie

Dating Coach

Posts: 466
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Post Re: dating different types
on: February 2, 2014, 10:10 AM

true...

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