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Author Topic: Changing Minds
pray today

Dating Maven

Posts: 168
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Post Changing Minds
on: August 6, 2013, 7:25 PM

Did anyone ever give a yes to you then change it to a no before you went out again? Did you ever do this to someone else? Do you think this is ever acceptable?

daysfan24

Dating Maven

Posts: 134
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Post Re: Changing Minds
on: August 6, 2013, 7:44 PM

No- HOWEVER, I remember thinking to do that on my own accord. So I can only speak from my perspective on that, but I have felt the urgency to say no and regretting my decision of saying yes ( except one occasion). Basically we both had complaints about each other when we spoke over the phone. It was weird and rare situation, we didn't go out in the end..Which I was hoping for anyways.

Otherwise, I would never consider it, since it's just not nice. And I know I would never want anyone doing that to me without giving me a fair chance.

dazzleme21

Dating Maven

Posts: 133
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Post Re: Changing Minds
on: August 7, 2013, 2:12 AM

i know someone who did because after discussing her previous date over again with someone she realized he really wasnt for her and it wouldnt be tachlis to go out again. she felt bad but didnt really have a choice 🙁 it wouldve been the 4th or 5th date i think

chaykie

Dating Coach

Posts: 466
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Post Re: Changing Minds
on: August 7, 2013, 8:56 PM

someone said yes to me, but wasn't gonna go out for a couple months still, and then said no before we went out. and i kinda did that to someone, originally when i said yes, i didn't know too much info, i don't know why i said yes, but we never ended up going out anyway, and when it was brought up again two months later i said no- but yeah i think it's not that acceptable...

far rock-
gal

Dater

Posts: 23
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Post Re: Changing Minds
on: August 23, 2013, 3:41 PM

I had a situation like this but the boy changed his mind before we even went out. The shadchan called me that she got a "yes" from the boy, and then called me back within the day that he changed his mind. She felt very uncomfortable about it, and she let the boys side know that.

moori

Dater

Posts: 47
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Post Re: Changing Minds
on: August 26, 2013, 1:40 AM

i usually give a guy a second chance so even though the first date was meh, i said yes and so did he. then it took forever to schedule. he had excuses- at first there were good ones, like a nephew's bris out of town, but by the week's end they started getting flimsier. finally he mustered up the courage to say no. i don't think it's acceptable, though i wasn't disappointed at all. if i'd have been more emotionally invested, perhaps it'd have been a bigger blow.
on the other side of the coin: i said yes to a boy and he called me before the date. the phone conversation (and subsequent texts) did not bode well with me and i seriously considered cancelling. i asked advice from several people and they unanimously told me, you don't cancel. so i came equipped with a metro card, extra cash, a credit card, some car service numbers on my phone, mace (okay, maybe not, but it's not a bad thing to carry around)... so we went out, and it was actually a fairly enjoyable date. and the concerns i had when i spoke to him were unfounded. and it went no further than that evening, but at least when i did say no, it was for valid reasons that i'd never have known without going out with him.

Bracha613

Dating Maven

Posts: 175
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Post Re: Changing Minds
on: August 28, 2013, 12:03 AM

I think changing minds shows a certain immaturity. If you say yes it's a commitment! My mother redt a Shidduch where the boy wasn't able to come in for whatever reason so the girl agreed to come in, she said yes after the first date then when she realized she would have to come in she backed out. My mother was than put in a very uncomfortable situation having to try to explain to the boy that she's backing out without making her look too bad!

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