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Author Topic: Am I a Slow Dater?
Avigail

Dating Maven

Posts: 130
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Post Am I a Slow Dater?

I'll get to the point.
Dated a bunch of really good, solid boy's. Everything on paper looks really really good.
We go out and i come back " pareve" . This happens alot , even after a couple of dates, like 3,4,5. I come back home and my mother, sister ask " How was?" and all i say was fine nothing is wrong , i guess I'll go out again....why not?
This happens too much to me, i never thought i was like that but it seems as if I'm a what they call a "Slow Dater"- no real def. but s/t like s/o who just takes thier time getting to know the other person.
There is nothing wrong with this...i hope but just wanted to check if others have this ish.

Shaindy

Dating Maven

Posts: 67
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Post Re: Am I a Slow Dater?

hm, not me personally but I have spoken to lots of friends about this. Every person is very different when it comes to building a relationship with another person. I am just curious, are you the same with your friends? Does it take you a while to build a strong relationship? One more question, did you ever get to a point that you weren't pareve..like did you ever really like a guy? Sorry about all these questions but I am just trying to understand.

gold

Dating Maven

Posts: 77
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Post Re: Am I a Slow Dater?

Just to explain the dynamics: Boys and girls are made up of different 'stuff' (for lack of better word). And boys & girls are looking for totally different aspects in a relationship. Boys are looking for a pretty (beauty in their eyes) (& smart), personable (again, in their own view) girl, i.e. more external type of stuff. However, girls are seeking an emotional connection. Therefore a boy will be able to tell much earlier than a girl whether he's interested in continuing or not, because after 2-3 dates, he's seen all her external qualities. However a girl will usually take a little longer to see where she's holding, because it takes more than 2-3 dates to develop an emotional connection. This could be why you feel pareve. I am not saying that you have to go out on 4-5 dates with every guy, before you decide where your holding, because many times after even only 1 or 2 dates, you know the guy is not for you (could be looks, personality...), but if the external qualities check off and you therefore keep going out, it may take a bit to see if anything will come of it.

feigy123

Dating Coach

Posts: 553
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Post Re: Am I a Slow Dater?

Gold, I don't think you are correct about that. I think you are way oversimplifying men. Men also want an emotional connection; they just have a different way of getting there.

Bracha613

Dating Maven

Posts: 175
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Post Re: Am I a Slow Dater?

You took the words out of my mouth Feigy. I sure hope they care about more than looks otherwise I'm not sure I would want to get married 😕 What you are saying though does have semblance of truth though, I'm just not sure how to say it.

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