Forums

Suggest a New Forum Category

Welcome Guest 

Show/Hide Header

Welcome Guest, posting in this forum requires registration.

Pages: [1]
Author Topic: When to meet the mother??
Shaindy

Dating Maven

Posts: 67
Send Message
Post When to meet the mother??

I never know what to say when this happens. I went out with a boy three times and then the shadchan told me that the mother would like to meet me. I agreed even though I felt that it was early and out of place. They made it clear that it didn't mean anything at all. So we met in a hotel before date number four and then after the date the Shadchan called to tell me that the boy said no. What exactly should I take from there? Should I have said no to meeting the mother? Was he unsure and he just wanted his mothers opinion? I feel like I put myself out there by allowing myself to meet her and for what? For him to be positive that he wanted to drop me? I don't really know and I am just thinking out loud but what would you do in such a situation?

Miriam

Dating Maven

Posts: 51
Send Message
Post Re: When to meet the mother??

Why put yourself out there? Tell them to do what's normal and that is not to meet unless it is something. The mother can check you out from today till tomorrow and call your teachers, friends, neighbors, and whoever else she wants but to ask to meet you is taking it too far.

Bayla

Dating Maven

Posts: 84
Send Message
Post Re: When to meet the mother??

Why in the world is it called putting yourself out there? Let's say that the boy is really unsure and needs some help from his mother?

Miriam

Dating Maven

Posts: 51
Send Message
Post Re: When to meet the mother??

Of course it is and who wants a mommy's boy anyway!?!?

Sari

Dating Maven

Posts: 181
Send Message
Post Re: When to meet the mother??

Talking about a Mommy's boy you should really stay far away from those types of boys and I am the one to speak to about that. A mommy's boy can be a big red flag. I went out with a boy who was the youngest of three. The two siblings above him were girls. On the first date he mentioned his mother this and his mother that too many times to count. Then when discussing Yeshiva he told me that his mother checks in with him four times a day!! When I casually asked if his friends speak to their mothers as often he got a little defensive, like the type that his friends make fun of him or something. He then went on and on about how his mother cares for him and loves him so much and that she just calls to check on him. Weird no? The problem is that it is a very fine line between a boy having a good relationship with his mother and him or his mother being too attached, and that may be a problem later on in life. Just beware and be on the lookout, that's all.

heyhey

Dating Maven

Posts: 191
Send Message
Post Re: When to meet the mother??

i think it depends on the sit. every date is dif.

dancer90

Dating Pro

Posts: 208
Send Message
Post Re: When to meet the mother??

sounds like a real mama's boy! your not supp to meet the mom till its serious. thank your lucky stars he said no.

shaynapuni-
m

Dating Maven

Posts: 131
Send Message
Post Re: When to meet the mother??
on: July 7, 2013, 4:59 PM

totally aggree with everyone above.... sounds very wierd... yes you are lucky to move on from that, imagine having her for a mother-in-law!!!! 😮 LOL

feigy123

Dating Coach

Posts: 553
Send Message
Post Re: When to meet the mother??
on: July 7, 2013, 5:03 PM

My mother used to insist on meeting any girl my bro's dated after like 3-4 dates. (Maybe one of them dated shaindy, lol). One of my bro's had enough of it though, and told her to she can't.

shaynapuni-
m

Dating Maven

Posts: 131
Send Message
Post Re: When to meet the mother??
on: July 7, 2013, 5:14 PM

Quote from feigy123 on July 7, 2013, 5:03 PM
My mother used to insist on meeting any girl my bro's dated after like 3-4 dates. (Maybe one of them dated shaindy, lol). One of my bro's had enough of it though, and told her to she can't.

tell your bros to go to yeshiva away from home......

feigy123

Dating Coach

Posts: 553
Send Message
Post Re: When to meet the mother??
on: July 7, 2013, 5:22 PM

Quote from shaynapunim on July 7, 2013, 5:14 PM

Quote from feigy123 on July 7, 2013, 5:03 PM
My mother used to insist on meeting any girl my bro's dated after like 3-4 dates. (Maybe one of them dated shaindy, lol). One of my bro's had enough of it though, and told her to she can't.

tell your bros to go to yeshiva away from home......

She flies in.

bibliophil-
e02

Dating Maven

Posts: 134
Send Message
Post Re: When to meet the mother??
on: October 19, 2013, 12:56 PM

Do what makes you comfortable, but also realize that other people have different conceptions of what is "normal" and it could be that the guy's mother wants to meet you because her son really likes you and has been telling her about you.

I don't think there's anything wrong with a guy having a close relationship with his mother. Halevai that more guys would. Think about your future sons and the kind of relationship you will want to have with them.

lukshenkug-
el

Dater

Posts: 33
Send Message
Post Re: When to meet the mother??
on: October 20, 2013, 12:35 AM

My friend just told me that she had a similar situation, the boy wanted her to stop into his house to meet his parents at the beginning of the third date. She was not that interested in continuing but was just giving him a "third chance" kind of date but he was very interested in continuing and wanted his parents opinion. Her mother told the shadchan that she thinks its a bit premature and that she would be willing to meet them on the fourth date if there is one. The shadchan said it was his first girl and he was very young so that is probably why he wanted his parents opinion. when my friends mother asked her if that is a normal request, she said that it is becoming more and more common for boys to ask the girl to meet his parents very early on! I think if he is old enough to get married, he should be able to get farther along in the dating process without his parents meeting her but I guess we don't really set the rules......

life123

Dating Pro

Posts: 324
Send Message
Post Re: When to meet the mother??
on: October 20, 2013, 12:46 PM

One of my neighbors, who married off her first daughter, said it is normal by her friends (not chassidishe) to meet the girl before the first date, just like the girl's parents do.

basmelech

Dating Coach

Posts: 408
Send Message
Post Re: When to meet the mother??
on: October 21, 2013, 5:31 PM

In some circles its acceptable for the mother to meet the girl. In other circles its not so. It really depends where you are coming from. And what you are comfortable with.

Princess10-
1

Dater

Posts: 16
Send Message
Post Re: When to meet the mother??
on: October 21, 2013, 8:27 PM

My mother always meet girls on a third date (unless my brother was doing a third date just to be sure it was a no). She felt it was easier to meet them when it was still early and wasn't as much pressure. One time just she went and another time both sets of parents and my brother and his date all meet. Then when I started dated I realized that I would rather meet parents earlier on without the pressure(ok not as much pressure) and for me to get a btr picture of the boy. So I only ended up doing it once because every other time the third date was really just for me to be comfortable with my decision of a no. It was so nice to meet parents when it didn't mean anything. We all meet in a hotel everyone spoke for a little and then I left with the boy and the parents kept talking for a little. I liked it because if it would have gone to the end it would have been so stressful to meet his parents when we already so involved. But like basmelech said do what u are comfortable with.

batsheva60-
1

Dater

Posts: 23
Send Message
Post Re: When to meet the mother??
on: March 12, 2014, 3:37 AM

From what im familiar with girls meet the guys parents only after a few dates if things get serious and a couple is starting to think about possibly getting married

Pages: [1]
Mingle Forum by cartpauj
Version: 1.0.33.3; Page loaded in: 0.101 seconds.