Forums

Suggest a New Forum Category

Welcome Guest 

Show/Hide Header

Welcome Guest, posting in this forum requires registration.

Pages: [1]
Author Topic: When should you break up with someone to his/her face vs. relying on the shadchan?
thinkingBY-
girl

Dating Coach

Posts: 607
Send Message
Post When should you break up with someone to his/her face vs. relying on the shadchan?

Much of the time guys/girls use the shadchan to dump the other party (sometimes even after they've dropped the shadchan), and occasionally without so much as giving a heads-up. At what date do you think it's necessary to have this conversation with the party himself/herself? Does it make things less awkward/hurt less to break up through a third party? Does it make a difference date 2 vs. date 4 vs. date 15? Earlier on is it necessary to let the other party in on what you're thinking?

feigy123

Dating Coach

Posts: 553
Send Message
Post Re: When should you break up with someone to his/her face vs. relying on the shadchan?

As far as I know, it is absolutely unacceptable to drop through the shadchan once you have stopped communicating through the shadchan. And usually it has to be in person also--no phone and certainly no text.

Also, please don't say "dumped".

tryingsoha-
rd

Dater

Posts: 41
Send Message
Post Re: When should you break up with someone to his/her face vs. relying on the shadchan?

Once the two parties have dropped the shadchan and are arranging the dates themselves, discussing the progress of their relationship together etc- if it doesn't work out, they have to discuss the break up together. It is a total cop-out to all of a sudden use the shadchan as an intermediary in order to break up with someone once you've already dropped the shadchan.

Anyone who does that is, IMHO not old enough to date, and lacking backbone. Yes, it's uncomfortable, but it's part of being an adult and having an adult relationship with someone. It also shows basic respect for the person and the time and effort that the person put into the relationship.
It's also healthier for both of you on the long term as it allows for closure for both sides as they can express any thoughts, feelings or concerns that they have before saying goodbye and know that these sentiments were acknowledged (or not) and communicated as they would like them to be (ie. not through a third party where a lot gets lost in translation).

If you don't feel comfortable breaking up with the person, then don't let the guy drop the shadchan yet.

thinkingBY-
girl

Dating Coach

Posts: 607
Send Message
Post Re: When should you break up with someone to his/her face vs. relying on the shadchan?

So as long as you're still using a go-between it's fine to break up through the third party? What if it's further along in the relationship, but you guys are only up to date 4,5? Is it still okay to break up through the shadchan? For reasons like tryingsohard mentions, like closure, etc, even if you guys haven't gone out 15 times, it can still be beneficial and mentchlach, mature, etc, to have that conversation. Or is it less hurtful coming from someone else?

iluvmetunz

Dater

Posts: 9
Send Message
Post Re: When should you break up with someone to his/her face vs. relying on the shadchan?
on: February 10, 2013, 5:56 PM

I think if you are using the shadchan no matter what date your up to the answer should come through the shadchan even if its a no because the boy is expecting to hear it from a shadchan and it might hurt more for you to day it on your own!

thinkingBY-
girl

Dating Coach

Posts: 607
Send Message
Post Re: When should you break up with someone to his/her face vs. relying on the shadchan?
on: February 10, 2013, 7:58 PM

Are you serious? I think that could be even more hurtful. Think about it like this- you're dating a guy for more than a few dates; you guys have developed a relationship in which you are open and honest with each other. How can you sit there and say nothing to the guy's face and then come home, call the shadchan, and tell him/her to call it off??

iThink

Dating Pro

Posts: 311
Send Message
Post Re: When should you break up with someone to his/her face vs. relying on the shadchan?
on: February 12, 2013, 11:54 PM

Quote from tryingsohard on January 29, 2013, 12:59 PM
Once the two parties have dropped the shadchan and are arranging the dates themselves, discussing the progress of their relationship together etc- if it doesn't work out, they have to discuss the break up together. It is a total cop-out to all of a sudden use the shadchan as an intermediary in order to break up with someone once you've already dropped the shadchan.

Anyone who does that is, IMHO not old enough to date, and lacking backbone. Yes, it's uncomfortable, but it's part of being an adult and having an adult relationship with someone. It also shows basic respect for the person and the time and effort that the person put into the relationship.
It's also healthier for both of you on the long term as it allows for closure for both sides as they can express any thoughts, feelings or concerns that they have before saying goodbye and know that these sentiments were acknowledged (or not) and communicated as they would like them to be (ie. not through a third party where a lot gets lost in translation).

If you don't feel comfortable breaking up with the person, then don't let the guy drop the shadchan yet.

Well said

daysfan24

Dating Maven

Posts: 134
Send Message
Post Re: When should you break up with someone to his/her face vs. relying on the shadchan?
on: October 30, 2013, 9:02 PM

I got a question!! Ok so let say you never went out with the guy but not really using the shadchen since he's just calling you.. ( meaning guy is from somewhere else and all your doing at this point is talking and skyping etc...) So I'm in this situation actually now and i'm debating whether to tell him or should just tell the shadchen.. I mean we never went out nor did we invest SO much that I'm not sure if I owe him a face to face so called " break up".

Pages: [1]
Mingle Forum by cartpauj
Version: 1.0.33.3; Page loaded in: 0.104 seconds.