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Author Topic: am I allowed to pursue more than 1 idea at at a time?
sem613

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Post am I allowed to pursue more than 1 idea at at a time?
on: November 10, 2013, 7:36 PM

So after a while with no dates, someone calls me up, they have an idea, talk to friend x about her _____ relative. fine. so I'm going to see her later this week so I'll ask her (not that I'm looking forwards to that conversation)

but then friend y calls me up, she had just gone out with a boy not for her, but she thinks hes great for me, would i be intersted in going out with him. I told her sure, so she's going to mention it to the shadchan when she calls him.

my question is: am I allowed to talk to friend x about the idea that I want her to set up, or do I need to wait for the 2nd guy to say no even though it hasnt started yet?

bitachon

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Post Re: am I allowed to pursue more than 1 idea at at a time?
on: November 10, 2013, 8:59 PM

you totally do not have to wait/...let them redt it
just because you are redt out doesnt mean youll get a yes right away or ever
i must say that in the history of my shidduch experience and i have been redt out a lot and to a number of boys at the same time. and only 1 time that i was redt the same night to 2 diff did it occur that both boys gave me a yes a day apart from each other (actually to the same shadchan who said it never happened to him before!) \
Hatzlacha Raba\

life123

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Post Re: am I allowed to pursue more than 1 idea at at a time?
on: November 10, 2013, 9:39 PM

Of course not! Shidduchim never rain, only pour (at least that's how it seems sometimes). I know at least 4 people are looking into me now (rich contented feeling...) and I wouldn't prevent that.

sem613

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Post Re: am I allowed to pursue more than 1 idea at at a time?
on: November 10, 2013, 9:50 PM

life- its not a matter of preventing it, its a matter of should i davka start another one going

thinkingBY-
girl

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Post Re: am I allowed to pursue more than 1 idea at at a time?
on: November 10, 2013, 10:00 PM

Go for it! Just because you talk to someone about an idea doesn't mean you'll get a 'yes' the next day (or at all). It doesn't hurt to 'pursue' two ideas at once. Perhaps it goes without saying that the only thing you should stay away from is looking into a different guy when you've given a yes to one already.

There have been multiple times that 3 or more people have asked me what I was looking for, said they had an idea/were redting it to the other side, etc, all at the same time. Most of the time they don't all come back with a 'yes' from the boy at the same time.

daysfan24

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Post Re: am I allowed to pursue more than 1 idea at at a time?
on: November 11, 2013, 6:43 AM

sem- I had this issue come up to me plenty of times ( life you are DEFF NOT the only one when it rains it pours, it is absolutely so factual for me its crazy! ) Anyways, I've talken to two guys at the same time because sometimes even a phone call doesn't work out. I think davka if you go out with someone and you want to to go out again then I think there's an issue with going out with multiple people because that's just not fair to your date. It really also depends on the person's comfort level. I'm not so comfortable talking to two guys at the same time but people have told me they did it and it's true sometimes it doesn't work out with one or the other. So I think definitely just pursuing two potentials is definitely not an issue- like others said a lot of the times one of the other doesn't work out.

basmelech

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Post Re: am I allowed to pursue more than 1 idea at at a time?
on: November 11, 2013, 12:38 PM

Some shadchanim told my mother that they are working on a shidduch for me. That doesnt necessarily mean that a date will come out of it even though that would be nice. You sound like your in a similar situation. It doesnt always have to be a well known shadchan thats redting it. A friend can also be a shadchan. So until you have a yes from someone i say go for it. Once you get a yes and decide its a yes from you too, then one at a time is the way to go. Hatzlacha! 🙂

sem613

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Post Re: am I allowed to pursue more than 1 idea at at a time?
on: November 11, 2013, 7:45 PM

basicly it was a wacky situation where I said yes before it was redt to the boy because the friend wanted to check with me before sending my resume on.

and I'm definitly in the pouring part of it right now. its a little unreal. after 6 months of nothing, they just keep coming. BH!

life123

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Post Re: am I allowed to pursue more than 1 idea at at a time?
on: November 11, 2013, 10:31 PM

Aha... so maybe call the friend to confirm they are checking. Generally it doesn't take that long (though there was a case where a boy checked me out for most of a year) and so long as they are actively checking, wait - but if they aren't go ahead with another idea.

daysfan24

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Post Re: am I allowed to pursue more than 1 idea at at a time?
on: November 12, 2013, 8:40 AM

life- almost a yr? That's insane!!!

life123

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Post Re: am I allowed to pursue more than 1 idea at at a time?
on: November 12, 2013, 10:11 AM

It was a crazy story... this person I worked with thought of the idea and redt it, we heard they were interested.... then nothing for the next 8 months or so.... then the shadchan kept telling us they were almost done checking, would be starting dating soon... then the next thing we knew the boy was engaged to someone else.

sem613

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Post Re: am I allowed to pursue more than 1 idea at at a time?
on: November 12, 2013, 10:49 AM

ok. one more question.
so besides this guy who i said yes to and sent my resume to the shadchan involved, another shadchan called me, described a guy and said he would send me the guys resume (his wife already has mine), but I didn't get an email from him. How long do I wait before calling him and asking whats going on?

life123

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Post Re: am I allowed to pursue more than 1 idea at at a time?
on: November 12, 2013, 12:12 PM

Emails should be sent right away because it doesnt take too long, if you have his email address ask him after a day or two, call after 3 days.

gold

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Post Re: am I allowed to pursue more than 1 idea at at a time?
on: November 12, 2013, 8:10 PM

Hearing about and checking into potential dates DO NOT mean much. It only means something once the boy gives a yes. So if you hear about a few different boys all at the same time it doesnt matter - nothing wrong with checking them all out at the same time and its also totally fine to get the ball rolling for each of them at the same time. Once a boy gives a yes, you want to be careful to avoid double dating. This is where its an advantage to have another person (i.e. your mother) take care of all your shidduchim so that if a yes comes while you are busy, you wont even have to know about it, cuz it will go through that person and they shouldnt tell you. The worst thought is to know that you have a yes from another boy cuz then you might think 'oh, the next guy could be better' and then after "dumping" the first guy and going out with the next guy, your like OMG, 1st guy was 10 times more normal than this one, that was so not worthit lol. Whatever you do, remain focused on the person you are dating and dont make any decisions you may regret. Hatzlacha!

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