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Author Topic: Telling someone to stop dating
life123

Dating Pro

Posts: 324
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Post Telling someone to stop dating
on: April 22, 2013, 10:55 AM

Recently a lot of people have been discussing their dating dilemmas and asking for advice. And sometimes people tell them what they think they should do. And I was horrified to see things like "Drop him!" How can you tell someone something like that! That's terrible! You don't know them, you don't know the guy, you think you know the situation but you really don't! You may be telling them to drop their bashert!
An online forum can be a terrible thing if it is used wrongly. I'm not against internet use, if it's done carefully, but you can't make an important decision based on what someone online advises. They don't know you and you don't know them. If someone says talk to a rav, ok, fine, that makes sense. But don't let someone stop you dating - that's your decision, not theirs!

bygirl

Dating Maven

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Post Re: Telling someone to stop dating
on: April 22, 2013, 12:55 PM

agree!!

BaisYaakov-
Maidel

Dater

Posts: 26
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Post Re: Telling someone to stop dating
on: April 22, 2013, 2:25 PM

I TTLY 100% agree!! It gets me nervous every time I see it!! But in a way, ppl come here to ask what other girls think and their opinions on situations, but I don't think anyone (hopefully!!) would stop a shidduch because someone here told them to! I think it's more of just them having a very strong opinion on the matter..

feigy123

Dating Coach

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Post Re: Telling someone to stop dating
on: April 22, 2013, 2:29 PM

Disagree. There is a basic assumption when you talk to people on the internet that their advice is only as good as the little bit of info they know, and that they are giving off the cuff advice. If somebody takes internet advice at face value, it is their own fault.

iThink

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Posts: 311
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Post Re: Telling someone to stop dating
on: April 22, 2013, 3:03 PM

Agree with feigy123. Nobody is responsible for anyone who chooses to take advice from anonymous online posters.

atararox

Dating Pro

Posts: 227
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Post Re: Telling someone to stop dating
on: April 22, 2013, 3:58 PM

Yup agree with feigy and ithink!! The whole point of posting ur problem here is to get an objective opinion from other Shidduch age girls who are dealing with similar issues! If someone's opinion is that they would stop dating given the facts they are given- they have every right to voice their opinion to its fullest if asked for it! If the poster chooses to take that advice than that is their liability.... but i think it's a given that any views voiced on this forum are insubstantial being that we are hardly aware of the basics of each situation

heyhey

Dating Maven

Posts: 191
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Post Re: Telling someone to stop dating
on: April 22, 2013, 5:52 PM

Yup i agree against it too! That makes 4 of us, faigy 123, i think and atararox! who will just listed to something they just read on the internet! c'mon, you don't even know who it is...

still im maskim that one must be careful especially because we don't know who we are talking to.

just my opinion!

patcha

Dating Coach

Posts: 445
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Post Re: Telling someone to stop dating
on: April 23, 2013, 12:21 AM

life123: If this is directed at me (because I think I used the phrase "take a break" twice yesterday) please let me explain.
One time, I said to take a break from shidduchim when going to EY. I meant because a trip should be fun, and she shouldn't spend the entire time worrying about shidduchim.
The other time, I suggested to take a break from dating a particular person to see how her feelings change. But it was only a suggestion!
Like feigy and heyhey pointed out, we don't know who we're talking to on this site. For all you know I could be a 50 year old Chinese guy. (administrators - I'm not, really, I can give you references. I just want to make a point.) I think this is an important point to keep in mind.

life123

Dating Pro

Posts: 324
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Post Re: Telling someone to stop dating
on: April 23, 2013, 11:03 AM

Definitely wasn't aimed at anyone, I had that coming over time and the feeling I should say something comes from seeing people post things like, "You're crazy if you go on" and stuff like that. Obviously people have to take stuff with a grain of salt when you are online, but strong comments like that can hurt and make an impact. No matter what excuses, after 120 you will still have to account for your words.

bitachon

Dating Maven

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Post Re: Telling someone to stop dating
on: April 23, 2013, 5:12 PM

If eveyone feels that their advice shouldn;t be taken literally or at all then perhaps pp shouldn't give advice cuz its a waste of time.

thinkingBY-
girl

Dating Coach

Posts: 607
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Post Re: Telling someone to stop dating
on: April 23, 2013, 7:01 PM

I should hope people realize that when they ask a question in this forum that people who are advising don't know the full picture, and they take these opinions with a grain of salt. Still, sometimes it's helpful to get outsiders' viewpoints even if you aren't going to do exactly what they say.

patcha

Dating Coach

Posts: 445
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Post Re: Telling someone to stop dating
on: April 23, 2013, 7:52 PM

Thanks life. 🙂

thinking - yes exactly. 🙂

dance4ever

Dating Maven

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Post Re: Telling someone to stop dating
on: April 24, 2013, 11:58 PM

even when people do know the whole picture its not recommended to take advice from just anyone...meaning, people can be shallow, jealous, or just not so smart and cannot give a clear, logical answer. i'm not looking down on anyone. i just think you should only ask advice from someone who is mature with more life experience- in real life when u seek advice, you ask the experts right? with issues like dating, why should it be any different?

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