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Author Topic: Kiruv?
Miriam

Dating Maven

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Post Kiruv?

What do you think of a boy who wants to go into Kiruv? I heard about a boy a while ago and wasn't sure if I wanted to pursue it. After marriage he wants to go out and do kiruv. Do you think that's strange for a 22 year old? I mean does he feel that he has the tools needed to go out in the world and convince others that there is a G-od? Perhaps he does and if he is able to do that then Kol Hakovod to him but is that even possible? Do you think it is important for a boy to solidify himself as much as he can before he goes out to do this? Who knows..it's a scary world out there and if your not rock solid yourself you can easily get swayed..by their thoughts, Hashkafos, ways of thinking..ect..and so I said no..but i did hear such great things about him. What do you think? I am so confused..

Esther

Dating Maven

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Post Re: Kiruv?

Although it's not always fun, sometimes you need to go out to clarify things with a boy - no? I you're saying you heard such great things about him, I think you're right not to leave it there. Maybe go out and clarify things.

life123

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A teacher once told my class that if a boy wants to leave the klal to do kiruv or something right away, it's a danger sign - not that he for sure is looking to leave yiddishkeit, but he might be, and you have to be very careful. Personally I've always liked the idea of doing something like that - kiriv rechokim - but definitely it needs to be looked into, and the reasons behind it discussed.

feigy123

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You must be kidding. If he wants to do kiruv it is a sign that he is going off the derech? lol

life123

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The idea is that a young boy should not be wanting to leave his Klal and his Rebbi. It could be a sign that a boy isn't the type to sit still and doesn't really belong in kollel,or that he has a really generous heart, or any other extreme - just something to be aware of.

Princess-
Lea

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Post Re: Kiruv?

I don't think it shows anything negative about the guy, but rather how does the idea of kiruv appeal to you? Granted, he is young, and may change his mind five more times in as many years, but do you see yourself possibly living a kiruv lifestyle? If yes, go on a date and have him explain his "vision," and if it makes sense, if you have no desire to live that way than "Thanks, but no thanks."

life123

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I always liked the idea of going out to do kiruv myself. Then when we were in sem and Shalom Task Force sent down a speaker to tell us about warning signs in dating.... and this was one of them.

thinkingBY-
girl

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Perhaps you need to understand it in context. Does he want to go into kiruv at age 22, or is it a goal he wants to pursue later in life? What is his exposure to kiruv? There's a big difference between a guy who grew up in a family who was big into kiruv and someone who decided to "break away from the mold" for a different reason (which you should find out and weigh to see if it's healthy). Also, what kind of kiruv does he want to do? Are there going to be issues of shimeras eneyim, etc? I think you need to go out with the guy to see what it's all about. Once you've done that, you can bring all these questions to a rav or mentor who can help you sort out your worries in the context of who the guy is and what this kiruv-seeking trait makes him.

Shaindy

Dating Maven

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chaysim, what did they say? In which way is it a warning sign? What does it mean about a boy?

Miriam

Dating Maven

Posts: 51
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Hey there and thanks everyone for your responses! We actually started dating an he is a really good guy 😀 Solid with an adorable personality..and good looks! So far so good..we haven't gotten yet into the real Hashkafa stuff yet but just from the way he talks and acts and everything that I have see so far he seems like a really good guy. I also left out a really important detail that I didn't know at the time..his father runs a big Kiruv convention and organizes people who want to learn about Yiddishkeit with partners. It seems like their shabbos table is also quite diverse. Anyway, will keep you posted! Going out on number four soon! Stay tuned..I think we are going somewhere fun this time (not that we havn't been having fun all along)..we ate out last time lol

life123

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Post Re: Kiruv?

Quote from thinkingBYgirl on February 5, 2013, 3:32 PM
Perhaps you need to understand it in context. Does he want to go into kiruv at age 22, or is it a goal he wants to pursue later in life? What is his exposure to kiruv? There's a big difference between a guy who grew up in a family who was big into kiruv and someone who decided to "break away from the mold" for a different reason (which you should find out and weigh to see if it's healthy). Also, what kind of kiruv does he want to do? Are there going to be issues of shimeras eneyim, etc? I think you need to go out with the guy to see what it's all about. Once you've done that, you can bring all these questions to a rav or mentor who can help you sort out your worries in the context of who the guy is and what this kiruv-seeking trait makes him.

This makes a lot of sense - I think that's what the speaker meant. This boy's story makes sense -his family is in kiruv. But if a boy is sitting in yeshiva, he's young, his family is totally not involved, and he dreams of going far away - then you need to do a really thorough background check.

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