Forums

Suggest a New Forum Category

Welcome Guest 

Show/Hide Header

Welcome Guest, posting in this forum requires registration.

Pages: [1]
Author Topic: is this normal? What should I do....
ayintova

Dater

Posts: 5
Send Message
Post is this normal? What should I do....
on: August 16, 2015, 1:17 PM

Hi,
So I have been dating this boy for 6 or 7 times already because the shadchan kept pushing me and kept saying there is another side to this boy you need to see before making a decision. He is very nice and that is a big thing but he is very anxious and quiet on the dates (but all his friends say he is very outgoing). He also is always saying it's because he is tired. After 2 dates he said he wasn't himself because he couldn't fall asleep the night before and for a third date he didn't want to go out Sunday night because he was tired from the weekend. Should I be concerned there is something else going on? I don't think it's so normal but wanted to hear what other people think...... I know dating is stressful and exhausting but still! I work full time and am also tired sometimes but I push myself to go out and be normal. He also is older (no one tells me exactly how old he is but he is in his upper thirties)than any boy I have ever gone out with. He is also still learning..... and how do I determine if he is smart and/or responsible if he is always saying he is to tired.....? Should I keep going out with him or break up? Thanks for your input!

chaykie

Dating Coach

Posts: 466
Send Message
Post Re: is this normal? What should I do....
on: August 17, 2015, 2:26 PM

that sounds really strange to me...im not telling you what to do, but think of a few things. if he is getting so tired after a weekend that he has to cancel a 2 hr or 3 hr date, what's he gonna be like once he's married? what happens when there's help that his wife will need? when there is a baby crying at night? It's not responsible of him to show up to a date so tired (enough that he has to mention it and cant hide it), that is so not right. If he is as old as you say, he should have a lot more responsibility, sensitivity, and just brains, as far as it sounds to me. maybe he's trying to tell you in a "subtle" way that he's bored? wants to end the date? i can't see him being bored of you particularly, cuz then he would just not have to agree to go out with you again. but this is wrong on so many levels. i also went out with a guy a couple years ago who was in his low 30s (well, i was told he was 27...) and i was 22 at the time...this guy was soooo strange, so obnoxious, not put together, and when i told him it was getting late and i was a bit tired as i had just flown in earlier that day (at least i had a real reason to be tired, which is not a bad thing, ppl get tired once in awhile) he kept taking me on a tour of his neighborhood. i was so so wiped by the end, the friend i was staying at asked me when i got home if i wanted to eat anything and discuss the date, and then she took one good look at me and said "you don't look up to it, it was that bad, huh? just go to bed!" which is exactly what i did. how old are you that you are dating a guy in his upper 30s? is that within an age range that you accept? this all does sound so strange. i'm wondering what "other side to this boy" the shadchan was talking about...

ayintova

Dater

Posts: 5
Send Message
Post Re: is this normal? What should I do....
on: August 19, 2015, 12:06 AM

I so agree and worry about that. If he is tired now what will he do when be"H thre are kids up at night etc. The shadchan says he is a geshmack guy with a lot of friends and is always trying to help people...but I see a different side!We went out again on Sunday and the date was supposed to be at 2 and at 12:30 he calls to say he is helping his parents/friend with something and wont be able to make it then, can we go out later...which I thought was irresponsible since I had told him before I had a vort to go to and had to be home by 6:30....he came at 3:30 and he ended up bringing me home at 7:30! I'm so ready to end it but the shadchan ( who is my cousin) keeps saying he is a great guy from what he knows sitting next to him in yeshiva....I'm in my upper 20's so I will go out with a boy usually up to 33/34. I feel like this boy has some underlying issues. My mother keeps saying don't say no until you are absolutely sure because he is a nice boy from a nice family with solid hashkafos. He keeps saying he is a bad dater and gets anxious in shidduchim but I feel like he is trying to find things because of that. He actually told me he knows I am a sensitive person but doesn't really see it for example(his words) he asked me where I wanted to eat before we went to a park and gave me two option so I picked one but he thought it was insensitive that I didn't say what do you prefer. I was totally shocked by that one because it is so my personality to ask what he would prefer but given he gave me two choices I would assume he wants me to pick and either are ok with him!oy..

ayintova

Dater

Posts: 5
Send Message
Post Re: is this normal? What should I do....
on: August 19, 2015, 12:08 AM

BTW thanks so much for responding!

ayintova

Dater

Posts: 5
Send Message
Post Re: is this normal? What should I do....
on: August 19, 2015, 12:08 AM

😀

musicalsea-
rch

Dater

Posts: 12
Send Message
Post Re: is this normal? What should I do....
on: August 19, 2015, 3:19 PM

Why don't you bring up your concerns? If he is the 'right' guy, then you'll need to talk to him straight in the future anyway, so why not start now?

Pages: [1]
Mingle Forum by cartpauj
Version: 1.0.33.3; Page loaded in: 0.09 seconds.