Quote from 2funny on April 24, 2013, 9:54 PM
Why are people making me sound like i am so out of line here? Am I?I dont believe that in this example the husband should divorce his wife for being fat but I dont feel validated with my own feelings about my own matter. Im not sure i want people to tell me to stop dating him but how can one just suddenly become chassidish for example? I dont understand it. Maybe one day I will and understand that people do change. But why should i have to change. Of course we should strive for greatness and the next level (not saying being chassidish is the highest level) but I'm comfortable in my own skin.
If I'm reading this right, you agree with the fact that people change, so technically the picture perfect guy is no guarantee. But you are still frustrated that people are using that fact as "proof" that it is almost illogical to say no because of this, because who said that someone who dresses more like you'd want won't change at some point?
I don't know how big of a deal this peyos thing is for you. But the more it bothers you, the more you'll be frustrated about having to "settle" for the look you don't like. Right now I'd wait till you feel calmer about the situation, and then speak to someone who can help you get some clarity on this issue.
Here are some questions I'd ask myself:
Is the long peyos look something that you really find unattractive, or is it the fact that you never pictured your future husband to look that way, and it's just hard for you to adjust that image?
Is it possible that it's not you who has an issue with it, but it'll be a "thing" in the family, or between your friends if you go for someone like that?
Are you concerned that there may be other aspects of his lifestyle that may be "frummer" than yours?
I hope you get the right guidance and make the right decision. Don't forget to daven to Hashem about this-He wants you to be happy-just ask for clarity!