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Author Topic: ayin hara?
shono

Dater

Posts: 14
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Post ayin hara?
on: July 5, 2013, 6:16 PM

Hi,

I am dating someone right now, and I did mention that I am dating to a few of my closest friends, now after every date they bombard me with questions. i know it is because they care, but I feel like the more i talk about it the more likelihood of ayin hara- and i really dont want that. How can i politely answer their questions in a way that sounds like im giving them details but i am really not. becaue i do think there are certain parts of my relationship that should just be for the 2 of us and not for all my friends to know- but i know that they want to know and will be insulted if they dont know. any advice?

happy gal

Dater

Posts: 14
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Post Re: ayin hara?
on: July 6, 2013, 3:38 PM

Why do they know that you are going out in the first place? Are you updating them of your upcoming dates? If my Friends update me about their dates I am sure to follow up and see how it went out of care and concern. How would it look if I didn't ask? My advice to you is that you do not have to say anything. Or you can talk about a boy while you are still at the checking out stage or early dating stage but then as it continues you should kind of fizzle out the information that you are providing. Does that make sense?Good Luck

feigy123

Dating Coach

Posts: 553
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Post Re: ayin hara?
on: July 7, 2013, 1:41 AM

There are parts that should be between the 2 of you for tznius reasons--regardless of ayin hora.

shaynapuni-
m

Dating Maven

Posts: 131
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Post Re: ayin hara?
on: July 7, 2013, 3:01 PM

it sounds like you really DO want to tell them all the details 😉 ..... and the only thing stopping you is worrying about ayin hara, really close friends always pick up on that....

if you work on yourself to change your thinking to realize that really these are private matters that you do not wish to share, they will respect that too and wont be insulted

BE'H things should go well enough that you can share the good news with them very soon!!

chaykie

Dating Coach

Posts: 466
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Post Re: ayin hara?
on: July 7, 2013, 4:48 PM

i don't think you should be telling them about ur dating. it's good to have one close friend who you trust, but not all of them. and you should not take advice from the friend u choose to share it with, cuz that can lead to crazy situations. but anyway, i think just choose one friend who's going thru the parsha also, cuz it's good to have someone who is going through the same thing (i know everyones dating situation is diff, but just the fact that ur both dating).

It's crazy, cuz i know two girls who were going out, and before it was official for each of them, almost everyone knew that they were getting engaged- my high school, my class, older girls, staff from my high school, and it's crazy. cuz what happens if something comes up, and it's not happening in the end? that would be so horrible. I actually know of a girl who was going out with someone, and they were getting really serious. well, she was, anyway. He didn't want to continue, so he asked his Rav what to to, so the Rav said that since they already went out so many times, he should take her out once more, but this time be courteous and tell her what's bothering him and then end it. so he called her and they set a date, and she told all her friends to be at her house cuz she thought she heard a seriousness in his voice and she took it to mean they were getting engaged...basically, they went out, and all her friends were waiting at her house, and when the boy and girl came home, all her friends said surprise, and the whole place was decorated, and her fam was inside ready to make a l'chaim, and the girl just passed them all, went to her room and cried...
you have to be really careful...not saying it'll be this extreme, but anything like this can be very difficult to handle.

shono

Dater

Posts: 14
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Post Re: ayin hara?
on: July 7, 2013, 5:00 PM

i have like 3 close friends and we are all in the dating parsha and we have all always shared our dating with each other.I told one of my friends that I will just update her a little but I am gonna hold off on the details and she understood. my closest friend it wil be tougher to do that with but I will try to balance it the best way I can. I really appreciate all your advice! Its not like the whole world knows and I would hate that if that was the case, but this has kind of been how it has been with my closest friends... I hope this doesnt lead to ayin hara. I also find that the more i talk about it the more hyped up I get which also isnt the greatest. I just want to take a step back from talking about it all the time, and I hope my closest friend wont be insulted. I am very scared of something crazy happening like what chaykie shared chas vishalom! Hopefully we can all share good news with each other iy"H really soon.

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