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Author Topic: Reminding a Shadchan
keepsmilin-
g123

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Posts: 22
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Post Reminding a Shadchan
on: April 13, 2013, 10:23 PM

Hi!
Hoping you guys can help....
About two weeks before Pesach, someone I knew from camp called me regarding her brother-in-law. It definitely sounded like a possibility, so after updating my resume, I emailed it to her on Chold Hamoed Pesach and she told me she'll try and get me her "bil's" references. I sent her a reminder email last week, but I didn't get any response.
She lives in Eretz Yisrael so just picking up the phone and calling isn't so simple - email is the most efficient.
What do you think? How often should I remind her about it?
Thanks!

kd2012

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Post Re: Reminding a Shadchan
on: April 13, 2013, 11:20 PM

wow, i have something similar now...not quite, but almost....
i was talking to someone i know and she thought of a family friend of hers for me...i updated and sent her my resume, and waited...this was abt 3 weeks before pesach, and she said she wld get back to me when she redt it...3 weeks later, i was getting edgy...finally, she called me and told me the boy had been busy and shes gonna try redting it again...well, this was bedikas chometz night and i havent heard from her since... should i bother her? i feel so stupid...but im so curious. especially cuz i looked into him and it sounds really good...should i ask?

thinkingBY-
girl

Dating Coach

Posts: 607
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Post Re: Reminding a Shadchan
on: April 13, 2013, 11:28 PM

I feel like it happens all the time that someone says they're going to redt something and you never hear back from them. There are a lot of reasons for this, most of them that the boy is busy or just doesn't get around to you (he has a list and might not even look at your resume after the perfunctory glance). The person has no news for you, so they never call you back. You can ask (call/email) them a couple of times what the story is, and perhaps you should, it reminds them to push their idea or whatever. But, it works best to just forget about an idea until you get a call that the boy is interested.

Debbs

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Posts: 18
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Post Re: Reminding a Shadchan
on: April 14, 2013, 12:50 AM

first of all to kd2012 and keepsmiling123- i have that all the time, and as thinkingBYgirl said, dont think abt it, jst put it out of ur mind till u hear a yes from the boy. just assume it a no till then.
now...
any advice on my problem?
im taking care of my own shidduchim...and i jst dont knw what to do...im not 19 or 20 anymore, but im not yet an older single BH. altho most of my friends are married, there are still plenty girls my age around. my problem is that i have no one to help me with shidduchim. there are a few people i talk to and they are constantly pushing me to call shadchanim. the truth is, i havent met that many bec i live out of town so its not easy to come in. but the ones i met...i simply cant bring myself to call them back on my own to remind them i exist. i wish i had someone doing it for me, like most girls my age...idk why people keep telling me to call myself instead of offering help. it is such a put down and such a step on any self pride to call a shadchan and remind them of my existence. what am i supposed to say? "hi, my name is debbie and im calling cuz im desperate that you find me someone to marry?" thats what it sounds like to me...what should i do? how shld i go about this?
if anyone went thru the same type of thing, please let me know how you handled..what do you say to shadchan? who calls for you? ur not embarrassed?

basyisroel

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Post Re: Reminding a Shadchan
on: April 14, 2013, 1:03 AM

Hi Debbs, I don't take care of my own shidduchim (my parents do the checking into the boys) but since I'm not living at home and therefore met shadchanim on my own, I'm the one who calls/emails the shadchanim to remind them. It's definitely not as comfortable as having a parent do it, but it's not that bad either. Once in a while I'll email or call them and say, "Hi, how are you? Thanks so much for meeting with me last month. I was wondering if you happened to think of anyone who could be for me? I really appreciate it, thanks so much" Make it short and sweet. Before Pesach I said to them, "If you happen to think of anyone over Pesach who might be good for me I would be happy to hear suggestions." Yeah, it might be awkward but you want to keep yourself on their minds. Good luck!

Debbs

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Post Re: Reminding a Shadchan
on: April 14, 2013, 1:49 AM

basyisroel- but thats through email. what about phone conversations? that is the most awkward thing. i feel like two cents!

happy gal

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Post Re: Reminding a Shadchan
on: April 14, 2013, 4:38 PM

Debbs, don't let your pride get in your way. Yes, it can be degrading but you must have the right attitude. My sister was looking for a Lakewood type of boy so she made an effort to go and see Shlomo Lewenstein and Mayer Levi. They both met her briefly. She called Levi about once a month to remind him that she was still around. My mother felt that it was not necessary but didn't mind if she called either. She usually got a machine but if he picked up she did the same. He actually redt her to some random boys here and there. She also found lewenstein to to be very helpful. I don't know exactly how it began but she started to text him random names here and there asking what he thought. Even though sometimes she knew nothing about the boy at least it would get him thinking about her. In the end, Meir Levi called her about a boy..it was a long story..he thought of the boy (my now brother-in-law) many times but the boy said no. Meir kept nudging him..my sister went out with my brother-in-laws friend who then told my bil that he should give my sister a try..so my bil went straight to Meir and said that he wants to give her a try..and they lived happily ever after. And so, your just one of the millions of girls that they meet and you really do need to make a real effort to remind them that your still there. Debbs, it's not a personal thing at all..to them your just one of millions. Good Luck!!!

bitachon

Dating Maven

Posts: 156
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Post Re: Reminding a Shadchan
on: April 15, 2013, 12:43 AM

shmooz them up ... (if the shadchan is a women though) I found that the it is easier for me to remind the shadchan who i felt comfortable with and shmoozed as if she's a normal lady then it's not degrading or "nebachy". i then call shmooz a little then mention i'm still single and is there anyone she has in mind i'd really appreciate her help.
ps and i've met with a lot of shadchanim over the years (bth men and wom) some i remind, some my mother calls and the ones that i felt werent respectful and degrading i havent been in touch with.

girlwithad-
ream

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Post Re: Reminding a Shadchan
on: October 5, 2014, 8:55 PM

I know this is an old post but I'm new here and this really resonated with me!
Debbs- I am in the same boat as u!
I come from a more modern orthodox home and my parents are not super into the Shidduch system. Somehow my sister got married this way but it is definitely more challenging. My mom really hates calling and stuff and I make her call references because I can't be calling boys friends and rebbeim but I met Shadchanim alone and have been reminding them myself. I usually email them but the whole thing is tiresome and I always feel like an idiot:(
Oh well I guess it's a lesson in getting over it

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