Forums

Suggest a New Forum Category

Welcome Guest 

Show/Hide Header

Welcome Guest, posting in this forum requires registration.

Pages: [1]
Author Topic: What is it??
Bracha

Dating Maven

Posts: 62
Send Message
Post What is it??

So, I was wondering..I am a 22 yr old very pretty girl from a great fam, $, a good name, super job, etc., and I am still not getting too many phone calls (meaning yes's from guys.) I understand that there is a "crisis" and in the grand scheme of things 22 is young (all though 4 years of dating feels like a lot!) just wondering on a practical level is there anything I can be/should be doing to help myself? Thanks in advance for all ideas:)

Shaindy

Dating Maven

Posts: 67
Send Message
Post Re: What is it??

Two things are crucial when in shidduchim. The first is to DAVEN,DAVEN, and DAVEN. Secondly is Hishtadlus..regardless of your status. Just take a look at your grade from school, honestly there is no rhyme or reason why some girls go first..I know so many girls who I thought would have a hard time getting married and they were the firsts in my grade. Then you see the nicest, prettiest, most talented girls still searching..and that is why I am telling you to just daven because none of this makes sense to us. When I say hishtadlus I mean that you should make your name known whether it be through shaddchanim or friends.

basmelech

Dating Coach

Posts: 408
Send Message
Post Re: What is it??
on: May 19, 2013, 3:31 PM

Quote from Shaindy on November 6, 2012, 11:12 PM
Two things are crucial when in shidduchim. The first is to DAVEN,DAVEN, and DAVEN. Secondly is Hishtadlus..regardless of your status. Just take a look at your grade from school, honestly there is no rhyme or reason why some girls go first..I know so many girls who I thought would have a hard time getting married and they were the firsts in my grade. Then you see the nicest, prettiest, most talented girls still searching..and that is why I am telling you to just daven because none of this makes sense to us. When I say hishtadlus I mean that you should make your name known whether it be through shaddchanim or friends.

Wow Shaindy very well said! couldnt have said it better myself. 🙂

sarala

Dater

Posts: 36
Send Message
Post Re: What is it??
on: May 19, 2013, 5:23 PM

Also (and I wish this would be portrayed in the ongoing story) there is no "winning" and "losing" the "race" to get married first, the ones who get married right away did nothing better and the ones that take longer are nothing worse. So you bring a very good point - as long as we are doing e/t we should be doing (as a growing yarei shamayim and in the dating scene) there is NOTHING WRONG with a girl who's not yet married!!!

bitachon

Dating Maven

Posts: 156
Send Message
Post Re: What is it??
on: May 19, 2013, 7:23 PM

as an aside, yes in the larger scheme of life of daters 22 is young however it still is tough..i think 22 and up starts getting a bit harder...

laykay

Dating Maven

Posts: 96
Send Message
Post Re: What is it??
on: May 19, 2013, 7:37 PM

Sarala you are right there is nothing wrong but unfortunately we are made to feel that there is something wrong with us by pitying stares and annoying comments so it's a little hard not to feel that way especially when ur the odd one out among all ur married friends

Cherry

Dating Maven

Posts: 98
Send Message
Post Re: What is it??
on: May 19, 2013, 8:06 PM

the ones that get married and have 4 kids and are fat stay at home moms before the age of 22, trying to figure out how to feed their growing family... I feel sorry for.
Everyone has their peckel. I think thinking seriously about marriage before 20 is a bad idea... You have your whole life ahead of you. why race into it out of peer pressure before your time... CHILL and daven hard Your time will come. "ben Shemona Esrei Lechupah" should refer to starting to prepare for marriage, like with a good job, good career, taking care of your appearance, looking after yourself, and establishing wht you want in life... Hashkafically. trust me believe it or not there are some married friend's who have lives that Suck! You need time to lay the foundations for yourself before combining them with your other half...
the married ones with pitying stares have their fare share in life, if we knew exactly what it was those stares would be reversed! 😉

basmelech

Dating Coach

Posts: 408
Send Message
Post Re: What is it??
on: May 19, 2013, 9:22 PM

Cherry, i think that what you are trying to say is that basically the grass is not always greener on the other side. Both married life and unmarried life has its pros and cons. Take a look at Sarah Schenirer she was single and look what she accomplished! a Jewish education system for girls! and Reb Meir Shapiro he was also single and look what he accomplished! Daf yomi that is learned to this day all over the world! There are many married couples who are super special also. Whatever situation a person is in its for a reason. We must daven and work on ourselves to become better and then H-shem will help us succeed! 🙂

in the gap

Dating Maven

Posts: 164
Send Message
Post Re: What is it??
on: May 19, 2013, 10:19 PM

Quote from basmelech on May 19, 2013, 9:22 PM
Take a look at Sarah Schenirer she was single and look what she accomplished! a Jewish education system for girls! and Reb Meir Shapiro he was also single and look what he accomplished!

Not to be annoying, but to clarify both R meir Shapiro and Sara Schneirer did get married, although for Sarah Schneirer it was much later in life. (There is something to be said about getting married even if you don't have children.)
The point, though, is you never know. The girls that I spent hours discussing dating and marriage with are all married, while I, their older friend that they turned to, am not. I don't take it personally, as I know that it this is the way it is meant to be. I have a friend whose sibling married someone ten years younger, and whenever i think about how come i am not getting anywhere I remember that it could be I have to wait for my bashert to grow up.

bitachon

Dating Maven

Posts: 156
Send Message
Post Re: What is it??
on: May 19, 2013, 10:34 PM

I heard Sarah Schneirer was divorced and never had children

patcha

Dating Coach

Posts: 445
Send Message
Post Re: What is it??
on: May 20, 2013, 11:19 AM

Sarah Schenirer was not single. She was unfortunately childless.

She wore her hair in a bun, though. So a girl I know got into trouble at school for wearing her hair in a bun. She said it was just like Sarah Schenirer's.

atararox

Dating Pro

Posts: 227
Send Message
Post Re: What is it??
on: May 20, 2013, 11:47 AM

Quote from Cherry on May 19, 2013, 8:06 PM
the ones that get married and have 4 kids and are fat stay at home moms before the age of 22, trying to figure out how to feed their growing family... I feel sorry for.
Everyone has their peckel. I think thinking seriously about marriage before 20 is a bad idea... You have your whole life ahead of you. why race into it out of peer pressure before your time... CHILL and daven hard Your time will come. "ben Shemona Esrei Lechupah" should refer to starting to prepare for marriage, like with a good job, good career, taking care of your appearance, looking after yourself, and establishing wht you want in life... Hashkafically. trust me believe it or not there are some married friend's who have lives that Suck! You need time to lay the foundations for yourself before combining them with your other half...
the married ones with pitying stares have their fare share in life, if we knew exactly what it was those stares would be reversed! 😉

I agree everyone has their peckel but I can guarantee not a single one of my good married friends wish they were still single like me. Yeh maybe it's hard to run after kids and figure out financial problems and maybe even working on shalom bayis to a normal extent- but I promise you they don't think the grass is greener on my side!!! And they pity is because marriage is a step up from single hood and it's a beautiful thing that we all yearn for and a person is not meant to be alone no matter how muh chesed they do! It's a mitzva to get married and that's what we all want! It's in out nature and I'm sure Sara Schneirer - even after creating bais yakov - was still sad that she x have children! and I don't think any if my married friends would would ever trade places with any of us ( I'm talking about a healthy marriage with normal ups and downs)

patcha

Dating Coach

Posts: 445
Send Message
Post Re: What is it??
on: May 20, 2013, 12:00 PM

Social networking and social networking and more social networking.
Also, be happy.
Also, don't be scared to ask about specific people.
Also, don't worry about it.

basmelech

Dating Coach

Posts: 408
Send Message
Post Re: What is it??
on: May 20, 2013, 3:14 PM

Sorry everyone i should have checked before i wrote that R meir Shapiro and Sara Schneirer did not get married... thank you inthegap for pointing that out. and yes atararox marriage is definitely a "beautiful thing that we all yearn for" and "It's a mitzva to get married and that's what we all want!" iy"H we should all be zocheh to build a bayis ne'eman byisrael!! 🙂

Cherry

Dating Maven

Posts: 98
Send Message
Post Re: What is it??
on: May 20, 2013, 5:05 PM

Atararox; your right in a healthy marriage they dn't wish that. In my post I wasn't saying they wish to be single like us. I factually stated that some married friends lives suck. Also some pple even in healthy good solid marriages wish they would have had more fun in their single years and did more things than they did. Take advantage of our single years hopefully they won't last long. Have fun develop yourself Daven and don't worry.

bitachon

Dating Maven

Posts: 156
Send Message
Post Re: What is it??
on: May 20, 2013, 7:06 PM

She wore her hair in a bun, though. So a girl I know got into trouble at school for wearing her hair in a bun. She said it was just like Sarah Schenirer's.

😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀

Pages: [1]
Mingle Forum by cartpauj
Version: 1.0.33.3; Page loaded in: 0.11 seconds.