Forums

Suggest a New Forum Category

Welcome Guest 

Show/Hide Header

Welcome Guest, posting in this forum requires registration.

Pages: [1]
Author Topic: The BOYS perspective
atararox

Dating Pro

Posts: 227
Send Message
Post The BOYS perspective
on: February 17, 2013, 4:34 PM

So my friends bro wrote this up after she showed him our list of Shidduch Crisis problems.
It's pretty funny and maybe even true but i still dont feel that bad for them ....

Its not fair!
Why do I have to spend countless nights wasting my time, energy and money, while girls just get to sit back and wait for Hashem to send them their Bashert?
Why do I have to hesitate to give a yes because I have a binder full of resumes that all look scarily identical, when girls know just by glancing at my resume if it’s something they would consider?
Why are my mother and rosh yeshiva setting my ideals for me, when girls are so confident and know all the real important things to want in a husband?
Why do I need constant blows to my self confidence after so many girls won’t date me a second time, because they overanalyze every other sentence I say to mean something negative?
Why don’t I ever feel the need to buckle down and be serious while girls have constant motivation to be better and strengthen their Emunah?
Why do I have to keep asking myself will I ever find a girl who will understand that I’m Human and it’s ok if I don’t wake up for minyan EVERY single day, while girls get to sleep late, go to Miami Beach on vacation and no one says a word to them?
Why do I feel like my life turned into an endless rut of lounges and overpriced restaurants , while girls get to spend their nights relaxing and hanging out with friends, knowing it will come in the right time.
Why don’t I ever feel the need to open a Tehillim and beg Hashem that I end up with a true eishes chayil, when girls can feel so secure that they will see the positive results of all their tears and segulos?
Why is my Bitachon so weak?
Hashem please end the shidduch crisis!!!

Does this make you mad? Or does this make you smile? 😀 😡 😛 😕

heyhey

Dating Maven

Posts: 191
Send Message
Post Re: The BOYS perspective
on: February 17, 2013, 4:44 PM

not sure... need to think about it 😮

BaisYaakov-
Maidel

Dater

Posts: 26
Send Message
Post Re: The BOYS perspective
on: February 17, 2013, 4:47 PM

lol! i dont think i feel bad for them... sounds like hes trying too hard to make it seem like they have it worse...
although, i have to admit, it did make me laugh! 🙂

heyhey

Dating Maven

Posts: 191
Send Message
Post Re: The BOYS perspective
on: February 17, 2013, 4:48 PM

do you think they have it worse?

atararox

Dating Pro

Posts: 227
Send Message
Post Re: The BOYS perspective
on: February 17, 2013, 5:00 PM

i think that in the long run, we are better off because we do build a better connection with hashem and we do strengthen our emunah alot more! but at the moment its definitely harder for us!!! i dont feel bad for them. boys just like to complain no matter what 😛

atararox

Dating Pro

Posts: 227
Send Message
Post Re: The BOYS perspective
on: February 17, 2013, 5:09 PM

the guy that wrote this is married and no longer "in shidduchim" but i guess at the end of that day boys do have a lot of pressure to be in yeshiva- even if their hearts are not in it ...just cuz they dont want to be labeled as a "working boy"... (not that i think theres anything wrong with boys who are responsible and go to work)

heyhey

Dating Maven

Posts: 191
Send Message
Post Re: The BOYS perspective
on: February 17, 2013, 5:29 PM

atararox: i agree!

thinkingBY-
girl

Dating Coach

Posts: 607
Send Message
Post Re: The BOYS perspective
on: February 17, 2013, 5:35 PM

I think perhaps the/(one of the biggest) problem(s) is societal pressure. If no one felt that they had to conform to what society expected of them that would solve a lot of problems on both sides of the mechitzah. How, is pretty much intuitive regarding boys staying "in learning." Maybe it's a bit less intuitive about girls getting married so young, but if there was no peer pressure or no one thought that girls should be married by x age, girls would be able to enjoy their single years so much more and not constantly be comparing themselves to their married counterparts.

atararox

Dating Pro

Posts: 227
Send Message
Post Re: The BOYS perspective
on: February 17, 2013, 5:45 PM

thinkingbygirl - i hear you! but if you think about it for a minute from the time we are little girls in diapers we are dressing up like kallahs. and then we start school where teachers are constantly referring to "iyh when you are a mother...." and then high school and seminary where 90 percent of our classes revolve around shidduchim and raising kids....of course the second we are of age we will want to start the lives weve been hearing about since kindergarten. Besides, its not just society, hashem put it in a girls nature to want to give and have children and raise a family and be an ezer kinegdo for our husbands. we cant control the deisre to want to move on with our lives....that said, the stigma that a girl is "older" by the young age of 22/23 is aboslutely rediculous and a product of out competitive society!

dancer90

Dating Pro

Posts: 208
Send Message
Post Re: The BOYS perspective
on: February 18, 2013, 6:37 PM

hmmmm. this guy should be a lawer! its hard to argue his points even though we totally have it worse! LOL 😛

heyhey

Dating Maven

Posts: 191
Send Message
Post Re: The BOYS perspective
on: February 18, 2013, 6:40 PM

Quote from dancer90 on February 18, 2013, 6:37 PM
hmmmm. this guy should be a lawer! its hard to argue his points even though we totally have it worse! LOL 😛

🙂

dancer90

Dating Pro

Posts: 208
Send Message
Post Re: The BOYS perspective
on: February 18, 2013, 6:48 PM

or maybe they really DO have it worse!?!
maybe these boys get so caught up in the wrong things, that they really dont have the motivation to daven for a true eishes chayil....and they end up with rich bratty spoiled selfish girls who dont know how to deal with life's ups and downs..... 😛 😛 😛 😛
at least we know we davened our hearts out so whatever happens we did our part.we can take comfort in that..
ya?!?

cool nerd

Dater

Posts: 44
Send Message
Post Re: The BOYS perspective
on: February 18, 2013, 11:14 PM

Nah, no guy actually believes they have it worse...

iThink

Dating Pro

Posts: 311
Send Message
Post Re: The BOYS perspective
on: February 18, 2013, 11:16 PM

Quote from cool nerd on February 18, 2013, 11:14 PM
Nah, no guy actually believes they have it worse...

A guy would have to be heartless to think that.

cool nerd

Dater

Posts: 44
Send Message
Post Re: The BOYS perspective
on: February 18, 2013, 11:19 PM

They don't have to say it out loud but they can admit it to themselves.

dancer90

Dating Pro

Posts: 208
Send Message
Post Re: The BOYS perspective
on: February 18, 2013, 11:33 PM

LOL
i dont know why i am finding this so funny. were arguing about whose more miserable!! and the guys do qvetch and awful lot but i do understand it is pretty annoying to have to date a zillion girls. not saying that its easier to never date and feel rejected but think about it - a guy thats in shidduchim 2 years can date close to 100 girls easily. (there are 365 days in a year subtract shabbos and yomtov and random nights and thats like 275 avail nights to date per year) thats insane!!!!! i would go nuts if i had to date so many guys. but never going out is super painful too in a very different way...i am seriously laughing.
we need mashiach NOW!

bitachon

Dating Maven

Posts: 156
Send Message
Post Re: The BOYS perspective
on: February 19, 2013, 6:05 PM

Quote from dancer90 on February 18, 2013, 11:33 PM
LOL
i dont know why i am finding this so funny. were arguing about whose more miserable!! and the guys do qvetch and awful lot but i do understand it is pretty annoying to have to date a zillion girls. not saying that its easier to never date and feel rejected but think about it - a guy thats in shidduchim 2 years can date close to 100 girls easily. (there are 365 days in a year subtract shabbos and yomtov and random nights and thats like 275 avail nights to date per year) thats insane!!!!! i would go nuts if i had to date so many guys. but never going out is super painful too in a very different way...i am seriously laughing.
we need mashiach NOW!

I totally agree bec imagine dating one girl after another supposed to be learning well and focused yet how do they keep their minds on learning if they constantly have girls most likely stunning girls in their minds one after another...also many boys are living in the dorm. its more challenging cuz they feel old as all their frnds start moving out of the dorm and move on to their own apt with a wife...yes there are benefits but imagine living in a sem dorm for 7 years as all your frnds keep getting married and the "new crop" comes in... also their mother may be turning down shidduhim 4 dumb reasons cuz their not on the same page as their son..i def feel bad for the boys...

atararox

Dating Pro

Posts: 227
Send Message
Post Re: The BOYS perspective
on: February 19, 2013, 6:08 PM

right on dancer and bitachon!
the whole situation is majorly messed up!
its so not ok for boys to have so many relatinships with all these skinny pretty girls.
i know from experience where a guy i said no to was still thinking about me 6 months later and i only dated him once.

thinkingBY-
girl

Dating Coach

Posts: 607
Send Message
Post Re: The BOYS perspective
on: February 19, 2013, 6:13 PM

What would it be like if the situation was the other way around, that girls got more dates than guys, and it was the girls with the lists and the guys just hoping to get a date??

feigy123

Dating Coach

Posts: 553
Send Message
Post Re: The BOYS perspective
on: February 19, 2013, 6:25 PM

bitachon makes a good point. Imagine living in the seminary dorm still. At least we can move on with life in the meanwhile.

atararox

Dating Pro

Posts: 227
Send Message
Post Re: The BOYS perspective
on: February 19, 2013, 6:25 PM

well we prob wont ever know that but i think girls are certainly less shallow and if anything, the boys wud be forced to shape up and and get serious cuz the nature of a girl is to care about internal, emotional and spiritual things rather than looks and money.

feigy123

Dating Coach

Posts: 553
Send Message
Post Re: The BOYS perspective
on: February 19, 2013, 6:27 PM

Quote from atararox on February 19, 2013, 6:25 PM
cuz the nature of a girl is to care about internal, emotional and spiritual things rather than looks and money.

It is? I ain't never seen a guy wearing makeup, and having tens of shabbos outfits.

I think it is the nature of girls to care about different naarishkeit than boys.

atararox

Dating Pro

Posts: 227
Send Message
Post Re: The BOYS perspective
on: February 19, 2013, 6:31 PM

girls only care about that stuff cuz its girly, but yes at the end of the day girls know what counts...thats precisely why Hashem chose US to have his children and raise them. because we do have a binah yeseira and even with all the clothes and makeup, we know whats impt in life.

thinkingBY-
girl

Dating Coach

Posts: 607
Send Message
Post Re: The BOYS perspective
on: February 19, 2013, 6:35 PM

Binah yeseira vs. clothes and make up vs. "more spiritual" do not have to be a contradiction. It's important for girls to look nice, especially for a potential spouse.

atararox

Dating Pro

Posts: 227
Send Message
Post Re: The BOYS perspective
on: February 19, 2013, 6:39 PM

totally agree with you thinkingbygirl! the women in mitzrayim were praised because they beautified themselves when it was appropriate! girls are just clearer thinkiners and more practical. and if it was the other way around i think money and looks would not be as much of an issue.

bitachon

Dating Maven

Posts: 156
Send Message
Post Re: The BOYS perspective
on: February 19, 2013, 7:20 PM

Quote from atararox on February 19, 2013, 6:08 PM
right on dancer and bitachon!
the whole situation is majorly messed up!
its so not ok for boys to have so many relatinships with all these skinny pretty girls.
i know from experience where a guy i said no to was still thinking about me 6 months later and i only dated him once.

how did u know that he was still thinking of you??! ouch!

atararox

Dating Pro

Posts: 227
Send Message
Post Re: The BOYS perspective
on: February 19, 2013, 7:40 PM

his neighbor is friends with my mom and she had spoken to the boys mom and she just told her a few days before that he still wanted to go out with me again...he had said i was the only girl he ever connected with. so creepy cuz i did not like him even one tiny bit!!!!!!

Pages: [1]
Mingle Forum by cartpauj
Version: 1.0.33.3; Page loaded in: 0.235 seconds.