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Author Topic: Suggesting a Shidduch.
Cherry

Dating Maven

Posts: 98
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Post Suggesting a Shidduch.
on: April 24, 2013, 7:42 AM

😛

Princess-
Lea

Dating Pro

Posts: 223
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Post Re: Suggesting a Shidduch.
on: April 24, 2013, 9:58 AM

Mammelah, deep breath.

I have probably dealt with countless shadchanim, and probably a fraction of them ever arranged a date for me. I have met them in person, tell them clearly what I am looking for, then send me a guy's information that is completely off the reservation. If this shadchan is actually any good at what she does (not every one is) then she will hear you when you say (calmly and clearly) that you are not actually so close to this girl, that while it was very nice of her to act on your behalf, but you are looking for __________. I don't think she has "ruined" anything yet.

As for yelling at her, well, we all have those fantasies. But it's not just about middos, however; none of us can indulge in hurting someone else, ever. This girl probably thinks she helped, not harmed; her motivation was probably in the right place. The grin will wear off when she realizes her suggestion didn't pan out.

Believe me, even people who know me well get it horrendously wrong; I speak from experience.

Back to min hashamayim.

in the gap

Dating Maven

Posts: 164
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Post Re: Suggesting a Shidduch.
on: April 24, 2013, 3:57 PM

Trust me, i know how you feel, but don't take it personally. People like to feel like they are getting personally involved in other peoples' lives, so they will do what it takes to feel like that. So often the shaddchanim are clueless themselves as to what type different boys are, and they have people recommend ridiculous suggestions all the time. As long as the shadchan isn't the one coming up with the ideas you have nothing to worry about.

iThink

Dating Pro

Posts: 311
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Post Re: Suggesting a Shidduch.
on: April 25, 2013, 9:23 AM

Cherry: Take princesslea's advice. And believe me when I say that you are not the first one to deal with such a situation. Do your best to set the record straight, and Hashem will handle the rest.

Cherry

Dating Maven

Posts: 98
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Post Re: Suggesting a Shidduch.
on: April 25, 2013, 8:25 PM

Thanks everyone 🙂 I wasn't really looking for advice. I was just trying to get this out of my system. but some of you pointed out some good points... so thanks:) I think I'm going to just drop that shadchan and deal with the other millions of other shadchanim that exsist.. lol

LuvAhuva

Dating Maven

Posts: 62
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Post Re: Suggesting a Shidduch.
on: April 25, 2013, 8:56 PM

Good luck

smile19

Dater

Posts: 31
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Post Re: Suggesting a Shidduch.
on: May 12, 2013, 10:34 AM

oky i need help i x no were to write this so i decided to do it her cuz i suggfested my best friend for my second cuz i x wnt this to ruimn o are relationship as my best friend my mother took the role of being the shadcan but gosh im soo happy for my best friend buyt i really x wnt this to b awk and i deff x wnt this to ruin our frendship eny advice plz????

Cherry

Dating Maven

Posts: 98
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Post Re: Suggesting a Shidduch.
on: May 12, 2013, 1:17 PM

Bring it up with her and discuss how u feel about it openly. Say whether it works or not so and so can we make a deal. Bla bla bla she's your friend so u should be able to speak about it with her openly. Hatzlocha. Shld be easy for you and ur friend;)

smile19

Dater

Posts: 31
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Post Re: Suggesting a Shidduch.
on: May 12, 2013, 1:57 PM

ya i did already some how i have doubt but she keeps reashuring me ......................

smile19

Dater

Posts: 31
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Post Re: Suggesting a Shidduch.
on: May 19, 2013, 10:52 PM

Hey they had there frist date today seems to me u waz wrong she told me everything but.... Some how I hav a funny feeling in me as its awk 4 me y is that cuz I waz the reading the Shiduch so y do I feel do rejected strange and weird

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