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Author Topic: Shidduch Crisis
Bracha613

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Post Shidduch Crisis
on: February 11, 2013, 9:31 PM

It's not fair!
Why do I have to wait 6 months for a date when the boys have girls lined up?
Why do I have to hesitate to say no bec. who knows when I will get another date when boys can easily say no and be sure there will be someone else?
Why do I have to have give up on my ideals when boys can add on to there list whatever they want without blinking an eye?
Why do I have to constantly struggle with my self confidence (from the lack of boys) when boys get constant self confidence boosters?
Why do I have to constantly make sure I am making the right impression when boys can make any impression they want and still get dates?
Why do I have to keep asking myself if I will ever get married when with boys it's just a question of when?
Why is my Tehillim ripped to shreds when boys never think of opening one?
Why to I have to constantly struggle with my Bitachon?
Hashem please end the shidduch crisis!

BaisYaakov-
Maidel

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Post Re: Shidduch Crisis
on: February 11, 2013, 9:41 PM

Amen! couldn't have said it better myself.. I'm feeling the exact same way! Hatzlacha to you, and may you, and everyone else on this site, find their zvug soon, and be zoche to build a bayis ne'eman b'yisroel SOON!!!=)

wow, inshidduchim.com is really helping me realize that I'm really not alone in this!

Bracha613

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Post Re: Shidduch Crisis
on: February 11, 2013, 9:45 PM

Yeah thanks it felt good to let it out 😡

Bracha613

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Post Re: Shidduch Crisis
on: February 11, 2013, 9:47 PM

Feal free to add your own why's... I think it's thereputic 😐

atararox

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Post Re: Shidduch Crisis
on: February 11, 2013, 10:22 PM

Bracha you literally took my feelings and wrote them down! its therapeutic even to read this and to know that others feel the same way! How did it get like this? i have one more to add:

Why are so many amazing and special girls made to feel so insigifcant and worthless while all these average immature and shallow boys, are so treasured and saught after!!

i think this is whats killing me the most! anyone agree?

Bracha613

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Post Re: Shidduch Crisis
on: February 11, 2013, 10:28 PM

OMG Lets keep it going

inshidduch-
im613

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Post Re: Shidduch Crisis
on: February 11, 2013, 10:37 PM

def!!
but u know what? i'd rather not have so many dates-i mean, i only need to date one boy to get married. no? and i know each boy that didnt work out brings me closer to the real one. but i say, the less boys the better cuz i know i'm a great girl and lack of a thousand dates doesnt show a thing about my value! (i figure im allowed to be gayvadik anonymously lol) but really! i look at some of my friends who are ALWAYS going out and its so easy that way to get jaded from the whole sitch...

dancer90

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Post Re: Shidduch Crisis
on: February 11, 2013, 10:38 PM

wow this is such a great concept. we should have this list published somewhere!!!!
Our only comfort is, is that at the end of the day, even though it seems that the boys have all the power, we know that Hashem is running the world and all the boys who are after looks and money will get what they deserve!
We have Hashem on our side. We have good intetions and want to get married for the right reasons! Everyone gets what they deserve.

thinkingBY-
girl

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Post Re: Shidduch Crisis
on: February 11, 2013, 10:38 PM

"Like"

I think the the hardest part for me is not necessarily feeling that it's not fair, but feeling guilty that I have all these complaints/questions... I mean, G-d knows what He's doing, right?

atararox

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Post Re: Shidduch Crisis
on: February 11, 2013, 10:50 PM

i said this once before in a different post.
i really think this whole "shidduch crisis" is all a facade created by the yetzer horah to test the emunah of the benos yisroel! are we ganna get angry and frustrated or are we ganna cry out to the One above.
Gedolim are saying that since the beginning of times, never has shidduchim been this complicated. so many older singles, broken engagements and divorces!
May all our tears and tefillos and kabalos bring about the geulah!
we all learn from kindergarten ''bizchus nashim tzidkanios nigalu avoseine memetzrayin -UBIZChUSAN ASIDIN LEHEGAEL"!!!!!!! There is no other explenation for this absurd craziness called the shidduch crisis!!

inshidduch-
im613

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Post Re: Shidduch Crisis
on: February 11, 2013, 10:53 PM

Quote from atararox on February 11, 2013, 10:50 PM
i said this once before in a different post.
i really think this whole "shidduch crisis" is all a facade created by the yetzer horah to test the emunah of the benos yisroel! are we ganna get angry and frustrated or are we ganna cry out to the One above.
Gedolim are saying that since the beginning of times, never has shidduchim been this complicated. so many older singles, broken engagements and divorces!
May all our tears and tefillos and kabalos bring about the geulah!
we all learn from kindergarten ''bizchus nashim tzidkanios nigalu avoseine memetzrayin -UBIZCUSAN ASIDIN LEHEGAEL"!!!!!!! There is no other explenation for this absurd craziness called the shidduch crisis!!

AMEN!! so true!!
but easier said than done...:)
iy"H we should all have the koach to get stronger from this nisayon!
Hashem put us in this situation to "make us"; not "break us"!

heyhey

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Post Re: Shidduch Crisis
on: February 11, 2013, 10:55 PM

i actually feel worse for the guys.

inshidduch-
im613

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Post Re: Shidduch Crisis
on: February 11, 2013, 10:56 PM

Quote from heyhey on February 11, 2013, 10:55 PM
i actually feel worse for the guys.

why?

thinkingBY-
girl

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Post Re: Shidduch Crisis
on: February 11, 2013, 11:07 PM

@atararox- Very true. I don't believe in the "shidduch crisis." I think it's just a really big nisayon that this generation faces. When people try to figure it out and have all these logical explanations for what's going on I think they've totally missed the boat.

atararox

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Post Re: Shidduch Crisis
on: February 11, 2013, 11:28 PM

yeh like all the "age difference and calculation of exactly how many girls wont be able to get married each year" lol
and inshidduchim - its is certainly easier said than done. and i more than anyone am struggling with this trust me.
but no one ever said bringing mashiach is ganna be easy 😉

Bracha613

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Post Re: Shidduch Crisis
on: February 11, 2013, 11:34 PM

Atara what a beautiful idea. Hashem just needs some extra zchusim so he can bring Moshiach!

heyhey

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Post Re: Shidduch Crisis
on: February 12, 2013, 12:04 AM

wld you rather a forest or a desert? that kinda think

inshidduch-
im613

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Post Re: Shidduch Crisis
on: February 12, 2013, 1:25 AM

atarox: true, true 🙂
heyhey: i hear!

Sari

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Post Re: Shidduch Crisis
on: February 12, 2013, 3:16 PM

Why do I have to try every segula in the book...just in case.. When with boys it just goes in one ear and out the other?

bitachon

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Post Re: Shidduch Crisis
on: February 12, 2013, 7:12 PM

Sari please dont try every segulah in the book itll make u nuts and i dont think its such a great idea
the boys.....well i dont know if its them or mothers lets just not discuss!!! 😮

LuvAhuva

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Post Re: Shidduch Crisis
on: February 13, 2013, 8:18 PM

IT BOTH!!

dancer90

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Post Re: Shidduch Crisis
on: February 15, 2013, 1:14 PM

i am so frustrated right now!!!!! i need to vent. i cant deal anymore. a shdachnan just called me about an "awesome shidduch for me". i read the resume and almost flipped out. it was soooo off target and just a flat out bushah!!!!! and i am NOT picky with boys. i dated a variety and some very normal ones but this just takes the cake! for starters hes about 5"1! i cant anymore i dont know what to do. there is nothing wrong with me! no skeletons in the closet! im even skinny for heavens sake! y oh y would she redt me to such a guy?!?
is this all from "the shidduch crisis"?!? is it normal to be insulted? anyone ever felt this way or am i just being a baby?????????????

smile19

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Post Re: Shidduch Crisis
on: February 15, 2013, 1:33 PM

I feel 4 u but I'm rally short lol but x b mad at shadcanim just explain nicely so she understand what your looking for and she wil yh try her hardest to find the right one but if u get mad she will x want help u my mom mad a few shidducam and she sets the worst are people that x aprecate tht u evn thought of a boy it might b off target but explain comunication is only way to go!!! Say thank u soooo much for helping but I'm looking for.......,

dancer90

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Post Re: Shidduch Crisis
on: February 15, 2013, 1:39 PM

of course i was very poilite to her and thanked her and i did explain to her yet again what i am looking for, but inside i am sooo frustrated and hurt! its so not fair. not that i think im so great or anything but its just not on par.
also for a girl to be short is very normal. even 5ft is pretty common. but for a boy to be that height is not the same! but that was only 1 thing...

feigy123

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Post Re: Shidduch Crisis
on: February 16, 2013, 8:19 PM

Whoa. You think that guys who happen to be 5'1" should be going out with girls who have skeletons in their closet? Explain that one.

smile19

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Post Re: Shidduch Crisis
on: February 16, 2013, 8:26 PM

I really feel for you I had that problems once!! And it waz very frustrating I evn had worse pro lime there waz a boy around sukos time a shadcan called us and sed you no the boy seems so perfect 4 you and he looked into me his mother was the one that sed no cuz I waznt skiny then that same mother inlaw who happens to be her husband is my fathers friend redt me to a boy a month later and the first thing she sed was he's purfect for u he's x skiny I waz sooo upset cuz I waz thinking that's the only reason that' made us purfect?????? I mean I x min marrying a fat boy!! But just cuz I'm x skiny x mean Im x capable of finding a good erlic nice cute funny boy!! Wel enways it took me time to get back to myself now I'm just waiting for the right one all I can do is daven

dancer90

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Post Re: Shidduch Crisis
on: February 16, 2013, 9:51 PM

feigy! i said the fact that he was 5"1 WAS ONLY THE BEGINNING! read it again!!!!!!

feigy123

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Post Re: Shidduch Crisis
on: February 16, 2013, 10:56 PM

whoa!
Sorry, I'm not too good at txtspk. The only thing you mentioned that was wrong was that you thought he was wrong for you, and that he is 5'1". And then you are insulted that it was suggested. Since you wouldn't be insulted if it was just a bad idea, I'm assuming the insult is the height.
If you tell me now that he is also a drug dealer, then I'll understand.

dancer90

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Post Re: Shidduch Crisis
on: February 16, 2013, 10:58 PM

😛 maybe its worse than a drug dealer 😛
and i clearly stated that "for starters hes 5"1" and that "the height was only 1 thing"
sometimes people just read the parts they want to read!...but its ok if you think im being a brat i understand. i was just annoyed at that minute and needed to vent!

feigy123

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Post Re: Shidduch Crisis
on: February 16, 2013, 11:02 PM

Well, I'm happy to have enabled your venting. 😀

LuvAhuva

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Post Re: Shidduch Crisis
on: February 16, 2013, 11:23 PM

huh? feigy im not sure if that makes sense lol wtvr
dancer i tots get you!
sometimes you just gatta swallow it with pride and and say thank you but no thanks!

heyhey

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Post Re: Shidduch Crisis
on: February 17, 2013, 1:13 AM

the guys get so many calls and have so much work to do. we just relax and leave it up to Hashem. (dont worry i am working on really believing this too... im not there yet!)

bitachon

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Post Re: Shidduch Crisis
on: February 17, 2013, 3:12 PM

wat else besides the height was wrong?
i mean ive been redt a lot of boys that when my mother does research she finds out the boy has medical issues, social issues, awkward...then the time wen a fam frnd redt the perfect shidduch her daughter thought would b perfect (he ate a lot of meals at their house.) wen he walked in ummm lets just say i was ready to cry and run back upstairs to put mildly not put 2gether at all ....nebach looking u know?
well its perfectly normal to be insulted and hurt....and we all suffer from it..i guess we could look at it as our avoda to grin it and bear it and say Hashem...this should be my kapparah a"korban" and please take this pain and take it and apply it as a zechus for the REAL shidduch hagun b'karov
also for us as a lesson,...to never in the present or future tell someone "i have th perfect shidduch 4 u" lol

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