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Author Topic: Picture - full length
gold

Dating Maven

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Post Picture - full length
on: June 19, 2013, 12:18 AM

I am so appalled by what just happened-no words. When my mother ever sends my picture to a shadchan, she always emphasizes that the picture is only for the shadchan and not to get forwarded on. Anyways, just today, a shadchan told my mother that the boys side requested a full body picture!!! This is crazy! what has this world come to?!! My mother said "no", and it's not like i even have anything to hide, as i am slim, but this makes me feel like a piece of meat!! And it is so inappropriate and sooo shallow. I can not understand how someone can feel comfortable asking for such a thing. (and the shadchan should also be ashamed for actually asking, as the shadchan should be the one to tell this lady that that is a very inappropriate request!!) Thoughts on the matter??

feigy123

Dating Coach

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Post Re: Picture - full length
on: June 19, 2013, 12:25 AM

Pretty inappropriate in my opinion.

iThink

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Post Re: Picture - full length
on: June 19, 2013, 7:55 AM

Yuck

patcha

Dating Coach

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Post Re: Picture - full length
on: June 19, 2013, 8:35 AM

That definitely crosses the line.

feigy123

Dating Coach

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Post Re: Picture - full length
on: June 19, 2013, 9:11 AM

Don't go out with him.

hittheroof

Dater

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Post Re: Picture - full length
on: June 19, 2013, 1:32 PM

Gross! 😮

feigy123

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Post Re: Picture - full length
on: June 19, 2013, 1:47 PM

Send a picture of some random model or maybe Kate Middleton. Then when he says yes, ask for his picture, and say no.

Chanz

Dater

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Post Re: Picture - full length
on: June 19, 2013, 2:15 PM

I would ask a Rav. Our Rav told me to send a picture even though he doesn't agree with the idea.

Chanz

Dater

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Post Re: Picture - full length
on: June 19, 2013, 2:16 PM

I was not comfortable with that and still am not. But that's the way it is today.

iThink

Dating Pro

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Post Re: Picture - full length
on: June 19, 2013, 2:18 PM

Wait, your Rav told you to send a full length pic??

dancer90

Dating Pro

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Post Re: Picture - full length
on: June 19, 2013, 3:12 PM

Welcome to the world of shidduchim these days - where girls are treated as pieces of meat 😕 One Shadchan told me I should send a pic cuz Girls have to play to their advantages! Meaning aside from my looks y would a boy want to go out with me! Very nice...

basmelech

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Post Re: Picture - full length
on: June 19, 2013, 3:45 PM

Its very important to ask a rav before saying no to the boy just for asking for a pic. Hatzlacha! I hope that whoever you marry will value you for who you are! ( and think you look beautiful too 😉 )

patcha

Dating Coach

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Post Re: Picture - full length
on: June 19, 2013, 3:50 PM

Quote from feigy123 on June 19, 2013, 1:47 PM
Send a picture of some random model or maybe Kate Middleton. Then when he says yes, ask for his picture, and say no.

Great idea.

iThink

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Post Re: Picture - full length
on: June 19, 2013, 4:15 PM

Quote from basmelech on June 19, 2013, 3:45 PM
Its very important to ask a rav before saying no to the boy just for asking for a pic. Hatzlacha! I hope that whoever you marry will value you for who you are! ( and think you look beautiful too 😉 )

I have a hard time believing that any Rav who's worth carrying the title would take issue with a refusal to provide a full length pic

iThink

Dating Pro

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Post Re: Picture - full length
on: June 19, 2013, 4:43 PM

[

Chanz

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Post Re: Picture - full length
on: June 19, 2013, 7:00 PM

About asking a Rav about a picture: My Rav said to send a picture. I didn't ask about a full length picture. I think the whole idea of any type of picture is demeaning and humilating. And my Rav agreed with me. But his psak was to send a picture anyway. The other part of the answer was today things are very different than they once were. I would suggest asking your own Rav about the picture, and include the full length part in the shaila.
I also head from another respected Rav that many times the boy's mother is the one asking for the picture so it is not really a reflection of the boy if they are asking for a picture. Sometimes it is the boy. But that you would know as soon as you asked about him.

I understand the feeling that it's degrading. I agree with you. I"m sorry I didn't explain well earlier.

daysfan24

Dating Maven

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Post Re: Picture - full length
on: June 19, 2013, 7:04 PM

Unfortunately that's the dating world now a days. Pictures make ALL the difference to these boys. And anything slightly off is already a no in their book. They want to see if your slim, plain and simple. It's really sad but yeah.. I hear ya frustration. I've been through this already as I've had that said to me a couple of times, at first it was appalling, but I got so use to it. And I also don't want to ruin my chances for a shiddach EVEN THOUGH it is not right. It just is the generation we live in now. It would be lovely if these boys had dating 101 in school and were taught what NOT to say. 😡

feigy123

Dating Coach

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Post Re: Picture - full length
on: June 19, 2013, 7:33 PM

This is gonna sound funny, but maybe it would actually be better if shadchanim were just honest and then boys wouldn't care to ask and we wouldn't feel demeaned and objectified.

gold

Dating Maven

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Post Re: Picture - full length
on: June 19, 2013, 7:34 PM

I understand there are things that you have to come to terms with, regarding the fact that the shidduch scene is rapidly changing and you just have to swallow it all (i.e. your pride) and go with the flow. Therefore taking that into account, I would say: yes, if requested, a girl should send a picture. But, a full length picture, I'm sorry, is definitely crossing the line. Anyways at this point, I am not interested in such a boy; someone who either himself or his mother is soooo interested in externals that asking references and getting a regular picture is not enough, that they have to go so far and ask for a full length picture. The fact that they made such a request shows what type of people they are and I do not want to have anything to do with them.
Thanks everyone for your input...just needed to vent my frustrations 😉

gold

Dating Maven

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Post Re: Picture - full length
on: June 19, 2013, 7:38 PM

Btw, in terms of asking a Rav: a certain Rabbi that many of you know, told me just the other day, that a girl does not have to demean herself in order to fulfill her hishtadlus in shidduchim. I definitely think that giving in to such a request is demeaning and therefore should not be mistaken as being necessary in terms of hishtadlus.

Avigail

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Post Re: Picture - full length
on: June 19, 2013, 8:18 PM

Just say I'll send a picture of myself if he sends me a picture of himself! let him see what it feels like to be treated like a piece of meat!

shaynapuni-
m

Dating Maven

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Post Re: Picture - full length
on: July 7, 2013, 6:28 PM

ewwww.

getmeadate

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Post Re: Picture - full length
on: October 20, 2014, 9:54 PM

It's funny because I just had a really funny experience with pictures so this post caught my eye. A girl gave me a list of shadchanim to call so I called one and she asks for a picture I say sure no problem and email her a picture. Her response? "Cmon you can do better than that." So I send her another and another another all in all I must have sent her 10 pictures until she was satisfied. My Brother joked that maybe she really sells clothes and is just trying to get as many poses as she can to post on her website lol

eyeroller9-
0

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Post Re: Picture - full length
on: October 21, 2014, 11:32 PM

The strange thing is that through the shidduch system , the request for pictures especially full body, comes off as grotesque and abhorrent , while on your average secular or even frum dating website multiple full body shots and head shots are the norm. This is because sites are informal and the more you put out there the more you get back. In that sense we put it up by choice in those situations. But in this case the request seems so heinous because it is not appropriate in shidduchim done through a shadchan. It requires a special request for a shot which is off putting and demanding and shallow. So I can't really come down on wanting to get a full picture because who wouldn't but this is a situation where it is not okay. End of story.

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