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Author Topic: Letter to Hashem
LuvAhuva

Dating Maven

Posts: 62
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Post Letter to Hashem
on: February 16, 2013, 11:18 PM

wrote this and thought i'd post it here. my feelings combined with some of yours.

Its motzei shabbos, and I’m sitting here in my room alone. Well, me and my laptop. The low hum of the dishwasher filters throughout the house. The emptiness of the cold, dark night invades me.
The racket that took place over shabbos is gone, as Chana, Eli and their kiddies make their way home to Lakewood. I have nowhere to go, no one to be with. All my friends are long married with families of their own to tend to.
So now here I am.
With an aching heart I write this letter to the only One who will listen.
Hashem, why?!?
Why am I the one left here? Why am I the one who’s always babysitting with nothing better to do?
I mean I’m happy to help out and all, but why can’t I move on and have my own kids to run after, to bathe and feed. Why am I stuck here, in this same spot, for so many months and sadly years…?
They tell me I should appreciate my single years.
Ha!!! True, I have no financial worries…but what fun is all the makeup and clothes if I have no one to look beautiful for?
What fun is going on luxury vacations if I have no one to go with?
What good is all my free time if I never know what to do with it?
In truth, I know they feel bad for me and they wish they can help me. They’re just trying to make me feel better. That look of serenity on their face, as they watch their husbands learn Friday night, or that glow of nachas evident on their faces, as their little tzadik makes a loud bracha, is worth no amount of designer clothes or money.
I want to be full of hope. I daven, I say teillim and I try one segulah after the next. I want to be happy and content. I know I have much to be grateful for- health, beauty, a good job…
But why won’t any boys go out with me? Why is my siddur ripped to shreds when these boys merely glance at theirs? I know your are running the world and I try hard to believe that everything is for the best but then i look around at simchos, and I see so many older girls, now women. There are no shietels on their heads and no diamond rings on their fingers. The pain is evident on their beautiful faces, masked with makeup and false smiles as they laugh and schmooze. Will that be me one day? Inside we’re all crying, we’re screaming from frustration. We try so hard to be good and do the right thing. All we want is a nice boy who will learn his best and be a good father. We are not looking for “money’’ and we are ok if he’s not a size 0 or even a 4....Nothing. The months float by without a single date. Rejection really starts to hurt after 2 years. Is there something wrong with me? Why am I made to feel so worthless and insignificant? Is this how princesses, the daughters of a king, are supposed to feel?
I will continue davening , believing, because in my heart, I know it’s the right thing.
With purim approaching I will once again take out my trusty tehillim and pray that next year I should be a guest a my parent’s purim seudah. I just hope one day we will understand the reason behind this pain and confusion that is sucking the life out of so many of your daughters.

thinkingBY-
girl

Dating Coach

Posts: 607
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Post Re: Letter to Hashem
on: February 16, 2013, 11:24 PM

Wow! You nailed it.

ECP

Dater

Posts: 1
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Post Re: Letter to Hashem
on: February 16, 2013, 11:52 PM

Thank you for sharing this! You've put into words how so many of us are feeling.

Esther

Dating Maven

Posts: 79
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Post Re: Letter to Hashem
on: February 16, 2013, 11:57 PM

I think it's such a great idea to write a letter like that and get so many feelings out. I think I may try it too. I just wanted to say - you will get married! You will shep nachas from your children...and be tirelessly care for them...you will! The question is when? Just keep on davening.... 😉

heyhey

Dating Maven

Posts: 191
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Post Re: Letter to Hashem
on: February 17, 2013, 1:37 AM

We need to remember that Hashem has a plan. its hard for us, not easy but a must. Maybe it is easier to look at it like this: maybe if we were married than we wld have xyz problem and wishing to be just single again cvsh. how about if we were married and had a child that was rachamana latlan ill and Hashem said you know what "instead of all the doctor appointments and ins and outs of surgeries, hospitals and cries and messed up shalom bayis this will cause her instead i will have her sit single until this kaparah is over." iyH soon at the RIGHT time though it is hard to see...we will all be looking back at these days saying "WOW IF NOT FOR MY SINGLE DAYS, WHICH MADE ME WHO I AM ....I WOULD HAVE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO MARRY YOU, SHLOIME/MOISHE/DOVY/YANKY/SRULY/YITZY!!! (sorry i got carried away at the names.... ya never know!! as long as its not all them put together lol)

hugs!
hatzlacha

gold

Dating Maven

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Post Re: Letter to Hashem
on: February 17, 2013, 1:43 AM

Wow!

boroparker

Dater

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Post Re: Letter to Hashem
on: February 17, 2013, 4:35 AM

Thank you for putting words to our thoughts ... Imyh you will be a Kallah very soon ! Hatzolacha !

bitachon

Dating Maven

Posts: 156
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Post Re: Letter to Hashem
on: February 17, 2013, 10:40 AM

we all go through the ups of down of the pain and of "living up" singlehood
lets try to keep in mind that after 120 yrs we want to come up to Hashem and say we did the best we can
while single.
I recently spoke to a teacher from hs to get chizuk and she mentioned that she gets called from girls of all ages at all stages. Marriage doesnt make u happy...there r plenty of pp married and not happy. marriage is a stage in life when used to the fullest can bring u the most happiness. a person is happy by giving and accomplishing using their strengths.. so obv marriage does fill that role however if you think what are my strengths and how can i use my abilities to give you will be happy single. and yes of course continue to daven and desire to get married. I hope this gave you chizuk
iy"H we should all post we are engaged really soon!

LuvAhuva

Dating Maven

Posts: 62
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Post Re: Letter to Hashem
on: February 17, 2013, 11:36 AM

thanks guys!
Just wanted to say ...from this letter you would think im a depressed single girl who sits and mopes all day. But if you would ask my family/friends/co-workers -they would say im the happiest girl aound. i have a great job with a wonderful family and im always smiling and upbeat. i know, as we all do deep down, that hashem has a plan.
this letter is my innermost feelings and thoughts that i think most of us feel and think at some point. no matter how much chizuk and mishalim and if ands or buts we hear, its painful and its ok to feel pain. thats the only way we can grow and become better. just sometimes its hard to organize your feelings while theyre inside your head....
Amen to all your brachos!!! 🙂 i was nervous about posting this letter but im glad you guys felt it.

atararox

Dating Pro

Posts: 227
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Post Re: Letter to Hashem
on: February 17, 2013, 5:34 PM

WOWOWOW!! this letter definitelty tugs at the heart!

inshidduch-
im613

Dating Maven

Posts: 155
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Post Re: Letter to Hashem
on: February 17, 2013, 6:55 PM

This letter really brought tears to my eyes.....
Thank you so much for sharing.

basmelech

Dating Coach

Posts: 408
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Post Re: Letter to Hashem
on: May 19, 2013, 9:47 PM

Yup same here! but its interesting cause if i was married i couldnt be doing a lot of the chessed i do as a single girl like visiting nursing homes, helping out aunts with their kids. yes i know that chessed is also with family, but this type of chessed is amazing too! so we should enjoy and focus on the benefits while we can! 🙂 iy"H we will be saying Mazel Tov to each other on finding our neshama zivug very soon! 😀

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