Tryingtodowhatsright you made a lot of very good points! 🙂
"I agree with Cherry on that point. Most of the brainwashed seminary girls don't even realize that they are brainwashed. And some might learn it the hard way when they wake up with a sink full of dishes, no money in their account, a rack of debts, and a husband who is not helping. Most girls aren't truly cut out to be kollel wives. I know you will virulently disagree with me, but that is what I believe.
There was a time when I was thinking about how wonderful it would be to marry a learning boy - when I was in seminary and my menaheles was pressuring me. And I realized after that I was braiwashed.
I spoke to some kollel couples and they told me that "yes, there will be times when there is no food in your cabinet."
I think that a lot of girls think that they can handle all these nisyonos, or they just think that "Hashem will provide." I believe that Hashem controls everything, but we do have to put in our hishtadlus, and that means both partners have to do their hishtadlus. The Chofetz Chaim had a grocery store. And Reb Yaakov Yosef Herman from all for the Boss, had a wholesale fur business and when he moved to Israel later in his life he opened a store in Mea Shearim.
Don't say that the kollel couples of today are on a higher level than them.
And do you think it's fair to the parents? They work so their children don't have to. That's not healthy in so many ways.
It's not right that the girl should do everything. It says in the kesuba that a boy must support his wife. So why don't we get that??
It's far more important that he have a chashivus for learning then to stress that he learn 24/7."
A person should not learn too much that he feels burned out. Our Torah is all good, and all its ways are paths of pleasantness... The quality is what is important not the quantity! The effort not the achievement!
"Lo hamedrish haikar ela hamaseh" its the putting into action that counts in the end not the amount that was learned.
"And also, it's breeding a generation that has a lot of boys in learning but are only doing it so they can get a "good" girl. And "good" girls feel that they must marry a learning boy even if they don't want to support a kollel husband.
If they didn't push it so much in the seminaries and yeshivas there wouldn't be a shidduch crisis. There would be an even amount of good girls who really want to marry a working boy who sets aside sometime to learn every day and has a chashivus for learning. The boys would be able to work and learn which is what a lot of them truly want to do and know that they wouldn't be sacrificing getting a "good" girl.
Now there is the million dollar solution to the shidduch crisis."
Dont like this whole shidduch crisis thing. H-shem doesn't have a hard time making shidduchim. 😉 boys should work and learn if that is what they want to do, as tryingtodowhatsright said its where the values lie that is important! and have emunah that H-shem will find someone that is good for them. Same thing by girls. No one should feel that they are sacrificing anything!! Trust in H-shem that He will help you succeed, daven, and do your best hishtadlus. Nothing else is required. 🙂