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Author Topic: IY"H by you
far rock-
gal

Dater

Posts: 23
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Post IY"H by you
on: October 28, 2013, 11:47 PM

Anyone else find these 3 words the worst?!?! Or is it just me? Personally i think that there is no other thing that someone can say to me that makes me feel so dumb and annoyed that im not married. (like its my fault...) a relative of mine just recently got engaged, and i m dreading going to the vort cuz i know that its all im gonna hear! oh, and this relative is 3 years younger than me, which doesnt bother me in the slightest, but why do people feel the need to rub it in!!! aaaaahhhhh!!! i get sooo mad!!

basmelech

Dating Coach

Posts: 408
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Post Re: IY"H by you
on: October 29, 2013, 12:12 AM

I hear you and we feel for you, were in a similar situation too. We can choose to get annoyed or appreciate each time someone says it to us. I choose to view it as a bunch of brachos by well meaning people, some of whom may not understand us and what we are going through. Think of it like this, if you were married and you had a single friend what would you tell her by a simcha? Probably iy"H by you with all the right, noblest intentions. Some people I see feel awkward to say it to me, hoping I wont take it the wrong way. Those people will say something like "simchas by all". I mean what else should they say hi and nothing, or hi... I think iy"H by you is a nice and polite thing to say. So lets say Amen to all those brachos! iy"H by all of us! 😀

imyirtzeha-
shembyu

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Post Re: IY"H by you
on: October 29, 2013, 12:27 AM

I can totally understand why it bothers you,
for myself, at least, I came to the realization that people are always going to say it.
so...i say: a bracha is a bracha...and ill answer amen with a full heart
Imh by all of us (with clarity and siyata dishmaya) bkarov!

sem613

Dating Maven

Posts: 134
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Post Re: IY"H by you
on: October 29, 2013, 7:34 AM

I find that the first few times when its people like my grandmother, who is using it as a bracha to say goodbye at the end of a conversation, I appreciate it. Or if its a close friend who knows what I'm going through sticks it in, I appreciate it.
But once you get to adults you barely know interupting your conversations just to say it, thats when it gets annoying.

also, public service announcement, girls/guys who aren't dating yet by choice don't want to hear it. so save it for those who you know are trying 🙂

in the gap

Dating Maven

Posts: 164
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Post Re: IY"H by you
on: October 29, 2013, 9:02 AM

I agree with Sem613. When people say it who I feel are saying it because they want to be "yotzei" then i don't like it. However, if it is someone I am close to, then I appreciate it. Also, if someone says it in a way that you can tell that they understand you, then it is fine as well. It also bothers me when my friends who are younger than me and married say it. I feel like they are saying it in a pitying, condescending way.

basmelech

Dating Coach

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Post Re: IY"H by you
on: October 29, 2013, 10:25 AM

In the gap good points. but about the younger and married what else should they say to us? it very likely that they mean it sincerely. Lets just try to focus on the positive, and say Amen with kavana. You never know which persons bracha will be the one answered. 🙂

life123

Dating Pro

Posts: 324
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Post Re: IY"H by you
on: October 29, 2013, 11:58 AM

No matter how or why they say it, its a bracha. I know someone who had 4 daughters in shidduchim, and had a fifth in 12th grade, about to go to sem (and 3 more girls under her). When the first got engaged, she told her daughters that they would get a lot of "IY"H by you"s, and they should just have in mind that it should be a kapparah, and take the brachos for what they were on the surface. Within 2 years, all 4 got married.

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